sober but set back and struggling
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Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 119
sober but set back and struggling
One week sober today. But, feeling very overwhelmed and down. Yesterday driving back from working and picking up Father’s Day dinner, I stupidly got ito a minor car accident. Everyone was fine , and my car had barely any exterior damage. But when I went to turn it on to head home (I wa ten minutes from home. The worst.) it wouldn’t start! Luckily after several tries I got it home but it is overheating and
Not driveable
i am really freaking out. I ended up walking to the liquor store bc my husband wanted beer and luckily I resisted any urge to get something other then some snacks.
but right now I feel so low. Every time I start to do good I make a mistake ...
Not driveable
i am really freaking out. I ended up walking to the liquor store bc my husband wanted beer and luckily I resisted any urge to get something other then some snacks.
but right now I feel so low. Every time I start to do good I make a mistake ...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 119
am beating myself up. My husband was nice last night but I dont know how he will be today or when we find out the damage. I can’t believe that a small bump could cause such internal damage. This is not s good time financially either so I am really freaking out. He was very nice and let me use his car to get to work as I need a car for my job and tomorrow I will get a rental thru the insurance. It also just sucks bc he has never had an accident and while the last one I had was 7 years ago, I have had 3 total now and he zero. Sigh. I just feel like I was starting to feel normal and better and then get slammed with something else. I try hard to be positive but every time I start feeling positive maybe my guard gets let down and something bad happens. The one good thing is I do not want to drink at all.
Good for you for staying sober. You’ll be able to handle this situation so much better with a clear head.
It looks like you have a good plan on what to do with the car, so just take it one step at a time and you’ll get through it.
Accidents happen. It could have been so much worse, and just think how it would have been if you’d been drinking. Make sure you take some time to ground yourself with mindfulness or something similar and relax a little. As does everything, this too shall pass.
It looks like you have a good plan on what to do with the car, so just take it one step at a time and you’ll get through it.
Accidents happen. It could have been so much worse, and just think how it would have been if you’d been drinking. Make sure you take some time to ground yourself with mindfulness or something similar and relax a little. As does everything, this too shall pass.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 119
Good for you for staying sober. You’ll be able to handle this situation so much better with a clear head.
It looks like you have a good plan on what to do with the car, so just take it one step at a time and you’ll get through it.
Accidents happen. It could have been so much worse, and just think how it would have been if you’d been drinking. Make sure you take some time to ground yourself with mindfulness or something similar and relax a little. As does everything, this too shall pass.
It looks like you have a good plan on what to do with the car, so just take it one step at a time and you’ll get through it.
Accidents happen. It could have been so much worse, and just think how it would have been if you’d been drinking. Make sure you take some time to ground yourself with mindfulness or something similar and relax a little. As does everything, this too shall pass.
i know it will pass but I just feel like something else bad will happen again. If it wasn’t for my daughter I feel like I’d just want to run away. I am so tired.
toss out the ass kikin machine-it aint helpin.
hoot, your husband got disappointed because HE allowed it to happen. you had absolutely no part in him getting disappointed. dont take responsibility for that or any other self pity( he never gets what he wants. ) he displays.
you have insurance,correct? theres a positive.
occupants of the other vehicle and yourself werent hurt,correct? more to be greatful for.
this WILL pass and you will learn something from it.
It does sound really hard and I feel for you. It sucks that the fallout has to be worse than the actual accident itself, but really try not to let your husband make you feel too guilty. From what you've said, it sounds like he's putting this all on you instead of being supportive.
Keep talking to us and maybe try to seek some outside support from a non biased party. It can be helpful to get a different perspective of things.
Agree 100% with tomsteve and couldn't say it better myself. Hang in there. <3
Keep talking to us and maybe try to seek some outside support from a non biased party. It can be helpful to get a different perspective of things.
hoot, your husband got disappointed because HE allowed it to happen. you had absolutely no part in him getting disappointed. dont take responsibility for that or any other self pity( he never gets what he wants. ) he displays.
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Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 119
It does sound really hard and I feel for you. It sucks that the fallout has to be worse than the actual accident itself, but really try not to let your husband make you feel too guilty. From what you've said, it sounds like he's putting this all on you instead of being supportive.
Keep talking to us and maybe try to seek some outside support from a non biased party. It can be helpful to get a different perspective of things.
Agree 100% with tomsteve and couldn't say it better myself. Hang in there. <3
Keep talking to us and maybe try to seek some outside support from a non biased party. It can be helpful to get a different perspective of things.
Agree 100% with tomsteve and couldn't say it better myself. Hang in there. <3
He was supportive yesterday when I was very distraught but it’s sunk in now and he is going into “I’ll solve this myself” mode. I feel like he does this so he can say I didn’t do it myself and he did all the fixing and work .
Hi Hoot, well done on your week sober!
As others have said it was an accident, not your intention at all and the last thing you wanted to happen.
It would be nice if your husband could maybe offer you a little support rather than pile on the guilt. I don't see how a little bump can lead to needing a new car . I would of had alot of new cars if that was the case.
I think you have done brilliantly ~ Keep going!
As others have said it was an accident, not your intention at all and the last thing you wanted to happen.
It would be nice if your husband could maybe offer you a little support rather than pile on the guilt. I don't see how a little bump can lead to needing a new car . I would of had alot of new cars if that was the case.
I think you have done brilliantly ~ Keep going!
I think your husband sounds very controlling and abusive
Your sound scared of what you can so and say do as not to upset/annoy/enrage him
Plus walking to the store to get your husband his beer when you are in recovery.Can he not get his own beer?
Your sound scared of what you can so and say do as not to upset/annoy/enrage him
Plus walking to the store to get your husband his beer when you are in recovery.Can he not get his own beer?
90% of the things we worry about never even happen. In early recovery we tend to start catastrophizing and molehills become mountains.
But the car repair could be as simple as a loose hose or connection. So my advice to you and hubby is to maintain a positive outlook and wait until you actually get the diagnosis from the mechanic.
Your husband sounds like a person that it is really going to be hard to stay sober with. When we are in a relationship with a drinker it makes staying sober as difficult as running the Boston Marathon with ankle weights.
I mean the drunks in our life tend to undermine our efforts to stay sober because it makes them feel guilty to see their partner staying sober and improving in life while they stay stuck in their hum-drum and boring lifestyle of drinking and then sleeping to recover from the effects of the poison.
So brutal truth is that you may have to leave husband behind in the rear view mirror if he is unwilling to be supportive in your life choice to stay sober. Dont waste your entire life just to make 1 person happy
But the car repair could be as simple as a loose hose or connection. So my advice to you and hubby is to maintain a positive outlook and wait until you actually get the diagnosis from the mechanic.
Your husband sounds like a person that it is really going to be hard to stay sober with. When we are in a relationship with a drinker it makes staying sober as difficult as running the Boston Marathon with ankle weights.
I mean the drunks in our life tend to undermine our efforts to stay sober because it makes them feel guilty to see their partner staying sober and improving in life while they stay stuck in their hum-drum and boring lifestyle of drinking and then sleeping to recover from the effects of the poison.
So brutal truth is that you may have to leave husband behind in the rear view mirror if he is unwilling to be supportive in your life choice to stay sober. Dont waste your entire life just to make 1 person happy
Sounds like he is a big part of the problem.
An accident is just that--an accident.
Don't accept the guilt trip he is dishing out, and from now on, send him to get his own lousy beer.
Excellent job staying sober in the face of that crap
An accident is just that--an accident.
Don't accept the guilt trip he is dishing out, and from now on, send him to get his own lousy beer.
Excellent job staying sober in the face of that crap
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 119
90% of the things we worry about never even happen. In early recovery we tend to start catastrophizing and molehills become mountains.
But the car repair could be as simple as a loose hose or connection. So my advice to you and hubby is to maintain a positive outlook and wait until you actually get the diagnosis from the mechanic.
Your husband sounds like a person that it is really going to be hard to stay sober with. When we are in a relationship with a drinker it makes staying sober as difficult as running the Boston Marathon with ankle weights.
I mean the drunks in our life tend to undermine our efforts to stay sober because it makes them feel guilty to see their partner staying sober and improving in life while they stay stuck in their hum-drum and boring lifestyle of drinking and then sleeping to recover from the effects of the poison.
So brutal truth is that you may have to leave husband behind in the rear view mirror if he is unwilling to be supportive in your life choice to stay sober. Dont waste your entire life just to make 1 person happy
But the car repair could be as simple as a loose hose or connection. So my advice to you and hubby is to maintain a positive outlook and wait until you actually get the diagnosis from the mechanic.
Your husband sounds like a person that it is really going to be hard to stay sober with. When we are in a relationship with a drinker it makes staying sober as difficult as running the Boston Marathon with ankle weights.
I mean the drunks in our life tend to undermine our efforts to stay sober because it makes them feel guilty to see their partner staying sober and improving in life while they stay stuck in their hum-drum and boring lifestyle of drinking and then sleeping to recover from the effects of the poison.
So brutal truth is that you may have to leave husband behind in the rear view mirror if he is unwilling to be supportive in your life choice to stay sober. Dont waste your entire life just to make 1 person happy
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 119
He just keeps saying the damage is done and I ruined everything and then said this fonme
You can’t go a week without something terrible that effects me
You are to blame
How dare you say otherwise
Everyone knows...
They know it’s not me anymore
Everyone knows
You can’t go a week without something terrible that effects me
You are to blame
How dare you say otherwise
Everyone knows...
They know it’s not me anymore
Everyone knows
The sad truth is that drinking rearranges our personality and brain chemistry. You may find after you get clean that you 2 are no longer compatible.
We are vibrating at a higher frequency when we get clean. But Im sorry to say that you are going to have to make some hard choices.
This is your life and you deserve to be happy and to pursue your goals with complete freedom.
Sometimes we outgrow a relationship same as outgrowing a pair of jeans (that no longer fit us).
Other people where dancing around the issue but I am a straight-shooter. You have alot of reflection and introspection to do. maybe you can go to the park by yourself and do some "thinking".
But just remember that you dont owe anybody else a god-damned thing. You only get 1 life. Make the best choice for YOURSELF and for YOUR FUTURE.
The whole point of a relationship is to be "Happier in the relationship than you would have been if you where by yourself". But if the relationship is no longer fulfilling that criteria...........Well....
We are vibrating at a higher frequency when we get clean. But Im sorry to say that you are going to have to make some hard choices.
This is your life and you deserve to be happy and to pursue your goals with complete freedom.
Sometimes we outgrow a relationship same as outgrowing a pair of jeans (that no longer fit us).
Other people where dancing around the issue but I am a straight-shooter. You have alot of reflection and introspection to do. maybe you can go to the park by yourself and do some "thinking".
But just remember that you dont owe anybody else a god-damned thing. You only get 1 life. Make the best choice for YOURSELF and for YOUR FUTURE.
The whole point of a relationship is to be "Happier in the relationship than you would have been if you where by yourself". But if the relationship is no longer fulfilling that criteria...........Well....
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 239
I'm sorry that you're in such a horrible situation, Hoot. I'm sure that you love him, but your husband is an ass.
Keep focusing on your sobriety. He is likely hoping for you to drink again so he can throw it in your face-- don't give him that. I know that your are aware of his personality disorder and the fact that you're a victim of abuse. Your ability to stay sober with the challenges surrounding you is a testament to your strength.
We are here to support you.
Keep focusing on your sobriety. He is likely hoping for you to drink again so he can throw it in your face-- don't give him that. I know that your are aware of his personality disorder and the fact that you're a victim of abuse. Your ability to stay sober with the challenges surrounding you is a testament to your strength.
We are here to support you.
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Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 119
no, I’m in the states. And we just bought a house together only been there two months. He says he hates the house (it’s more upkeep I think than he expected and not close to the location he wanted) now
now he is saying it all doesn’t matter he gives up on everyone and we will just stay together because he just gives up he said “you win” and we will just let our marriage crumble
now he is saying it all doesn’t matter he gives up on everyone and we will just stay together because he just gives up he said “you win” and we will just let our marriage crumble
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