Staying sober after AA?
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 2,872
I did. I attended AA meetings for probably five years. one to three times a week.
I strongly believe in the program, and believe it to be indispensable to the newcomer.
I heard take what you need and leave the rest. And that's what I have done.
I was a very heavy, seemingly hope less, drunk. AA proved the universe wrong. And I am a recovering alcoholic.
I strongly believe in AA. I often quote from the Big Book, or what I learned in AA here. AA Saved my life, there is no doubt about that.
I really can't say why I stopped going to meetings. It wasn't because of a bad experience, or feeling as though I've "graduated". I really don't know. And I would go to a meeting in a moment if I felt the need.
A friend of mine, who owns a liquor store, has been sober twenty nine years and still goes to at least two meetings a week. And I drank a lot harder than he did.
My brother who went to meetings and was sober for twenty five years started drinking again.
He was a worse drunk than me, but when sober even started his own well attended AA meeting.
You ask how. Truth is I don't know, thus, the examples above.
Everyone is different.
I do not recommend stopping going to meetings to anyone. If the meetings are helping, by all means, keep going.
I've been sober ten and a half years, and I drank for thirty five years.
It's personal to me. What has worked for me has a good chance of not working for someone else.
I love AA. I was active in it. I answered the phone on the AA number on Sunday mornings. I did twelve step work. I was involved.
I miss the meetings, but they served their purpose for me and like a fledgling felt capable of taking flight on my own.
Again, I don't recommend anyone stop going to meetings.
I now still rely on the God of my understanding to help keep me sober. I've become a very spiritual person.
I have lost the desire to drink. I've proven over and over that I cannot handle alcohol.
I know that. For certain.
This is not meant as advice. You asked a question and I answered with my experience.
I still think AA is the best way for a chronic alcoholic like me to get sober.
And I recommend it to anyone trying to stop drinking.
I strongly believe in the program, and believe it to be indispensable to the newcomer.
I heard take what you need and leave the rest. And that's what I have done.
I was a very heavy, seemingly hope less, drunk. AA proved the universe wrong. And I am a recovering alcoholic.
I strongly believe in AA. I often quote from the Big Book, or what I learned in AA here. AA Saved my life, there is no doubt about that.
I really can't say why I stopped going to meetings. It wasn't because of a bad experience, or feeling as though I've "graduated". I really don't know. And I would go to a meeting in a moment if I felt the need.
A friend of mine, who owns a liquor store, has been sober twenty nine years and still goes to at least two meetings a week. And I drank a lot harder than he did.
My brother who went to meetings and was sober for twenty five years started drinking again.
He was a worse drunk than me, but when sober even started his own well attended AA meeting.
You ask how. Truth is I don't know, thus, the examples above.
Everyone is different.
I do not recommend stopping going to meetings to anyone. If the meetings are helping, by all means, keep going.
I've been sober ten and a half years, and I drank for thirty five years.
It's personal to me. What has worked for me has a good chance of not working for someone else.
I love AA. I was active in it. I answered the phone on the AA number on Sunday mornings. I did twelve step work. I was involved.
I miss the meetings, but they served their purpose for me and like a fledgling felt capable of taking flight on my own.
Again, I don't recommend anyone stop going to meetings.
I now still rely on the God of my understanding to help keep me sober. I've become a very spiritual person.
I have lost the desire to drink. I've proven over and over that I cannot handle alcohol.
I know that. For certain.
This is not meant as advice. You asked a question and I answered with my experience.
I still think AA is the best way for a chronic alcoholic like me to get sober.
And I recommend it to anyone trying to stop drinking.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
I initially got sober on my knees. That desperate prayer sent up five plus years ago was how I got sober. I was done on that day. I believed I needed to quit and when I asked for intervention I also believed my prayer was answered.
Three days later I went to a meeting looking for fellowship. On that day I also joined this site.
What I found at AA was not at all what I expected. I'd say to thine own self be true in this.
I went to about 150 meetings in my first four months of sobriety and then I made the decision to stop going to AA. I still believe the Program of AA is sound and divinely inspired but I couldn't make the fellowship part work for me at all. The literature is still helpful to me five years sober now, but I only use this website and a few trusted people in real life for discussing my alcohol-related issues. So for me, this site is my connection and my reminder daily.
Three days later I went to a meeting looking for fellowship. On that day I also joined this site.
What I found at AA was not at all what I expected. I'd say to thine own self be true in this.
I went to about 150 meetings in my first four months of sobriety and then I made the decision to stop going to AA. I still believe the Program of AA is sound and divinely inspired but I couldn't make the fellowship part work for me at all. The literature is still helpful to me five years sober now, but I only use this website and a few trusted people in real life for discussing my alcohol-related issues. So for me, this site is my connection and my reminder daily.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,776
I went to meetings my first year sober but did not get a sponsor or work the steps. My other source of strength was going to counseling once a week with an addiction counselor. I no longer see the counselor but I come to SR every day to read and post and count my blessings. 
Gratitude plays a huge part in my sobriety.
Gratitude plays a huge part in my sobriety. Member
Join Date: Oct 2018
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 1,339
AA was very important to me in my first venture into getting sober, but after a year I realized that my heart was just not into the program and I stopped going.
AA gave me a place in my early days to go to for a community of people who realized that they had a serious problem and had to do serious work to come out of it. I read the big book and other literature and took things away from those. I started working the steps and completed most of them but was pulling away at that time.
I did many, many other things to get to a point of not drinking for a meaningful length of time. Psychological and psychiatric aid, CBT techniques, and SR support are my mainstays today. AA meetings are on my emergency plan if my need for f2f contact beyond my professional counselors is needed.
AA gave me a place in my early days to go to for a community of people who realized that they had a serious problem and had to do serious work to come out of it. I read the big book and other literature and took things away from those. I started working the steps and completed most of them but was pulling away at that time.
I did many, many other things to get to a point of not drinking for a meaningful length of time. Psychological and psychiatric aid, CBT techniques, and SR support are my mainstays today. AA meetings are on my emergency plan if my need for f2f contact beyond my professional counselors is needed.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 5,169
I quit AA eventually. I went every evening for maybe 5 years. Then I became sporadic, and eventually stopped going all together at around 15 years. I haven't been to a meeting in 10 years.
How do you know when you don't need AA anymore? I don't know the answer, but I knew I could make it on my own after a year. I just kept going because I had made new friends there, and I found the meetings relaxing and enjoyable. I'm the opposite of biminiblue, however. The part that was most important to me was the fellowship. Not that the steps are of no value. But I had been doing the critical ones already.
I wouldn't recommend that any newbie make plans for leaving AA or any other program. I don't see the point in chafing at that bit. Just wait until you know it's time, or like me, leave when the stories become the same stories from decades earlier and the program isn't as interesting as it once was. But don't set a graduation date and leave too soon.
Now if I ever should run into trouble and start thinking about drinking, I would head right back to AA pronto. I can't imagine that happening, but I guess you could call it a contingency plan. It's there if I need it. Don't wait like many do until you get your next DUI or get beat up in a bar fight. Take action before then.
How do you know when you don't need AA anymore? I don't know the answer, but I knew I could make it on my own after a year. I just kept going because I had made new friends there, and I found the meetings relaxing and enjoyable. I'm the opposite of biminiblue, however. The part that was most important to me was the fellowship. Not that the steps are of no value. But I had been doing the critical ones already.
I wouldn't recommend that any newbie make plans for leaving AA or any other program. I don't see the point in chafing at that bit. Just wait until you know it's time, or like me, leave when the stories become the same stories from decades earlier and the program isn't as interesting as it once was. But don't set a graduation date and leave too soon.
Now if I ever should run into trouble and start thinking about drinking, I would head right back to AA pronto. I can't imagine that happening, but I guess you could call it a contingency plan. It's there if I need it. Don't wait like many do until you get your next DUI or get beat up in a bar fight. Take action before then.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Colorado
Posts: 39
I spent 2 1/2 years in AA with 6 meetings a week until I decided to leave. It was no easy decision and took a lot of research and consideration. I've been gone from AA for 7 months. I focus on individual goals and involvement in church; always striving to be the best I can and continuing to grow each day. I'm very happy with the status quo.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
I used AA as a key part of my toolkit the first three years. I still drop into a meeting from time to time, more to be there for others than for myself, though now and then it’s for me - as a reminder.
i found that once I began to build a sober life on principles of richness and presence and once I’d established a new rhythm of life that was based in sobriety, I wasn’t as called to AA regularly.
ill always keep it there as a tool and a community and I’ll always be willing to be there for others as an AA advocate and help those who seek to find. But, for the past few years I’ve really only attended 5-10 meetings every 6 months, maybe fewer.
my experience was that AA gave me support and community and a roadmap when I needed to change. As I remained sober and did the work to heal and grow. I built a new life and filled it with gratitude and commitments and family and community to the point that alcohol isn’t an issue and AA isn’t a critical priority. It certainly was early on.
I used AA, therapy, exercise, volunteerism, community involvement, journaling, a focus on family, entrepreneurship, dedication to youth education, and a redoubling of my desire to see the remainder of my life have meaning.....
My way has worked for me and I’m ever grateful for AA’s role in my path.
i found that once I began to build a sober life on principles of richness and presence and once I’d established a new rhythm of life that was based in sobriety, I wasn’t as called to AA regularly.
ill always keep it there as a tool and a community and I’ll always be willing to be there for others as an AA advocate and help those who seek to find. But, for the past few years I’ve really only attended 5-10 meetings every 6 months, maybe fewer.
my experience was that AA gave me support and community and a roadmap when I needed to change. As I remained sober and did the work to heal and grow. I built a new life and filled it with gratitude and commitments and family and community to the point that alcohol isn’t an issue and AA isn’t a critical priority. It certainly was early on.
I used AA, therapy, exercise, volunteerism, community involvement, journaling, a focus on family, entrepreneurship, dedication to youth education, and a redoubling of my desire to see the remainder of my life have meaning.....
My way has worked for me and I’m ever grateful for AA’s role in my path.
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Probably my living room. Maybe my bedroom if I'm feeling lazy
Posts: 1,085
My first year sober, I went to 5-7 meetings a week. I got a sponsor, worked the steps and found a home group. My meeting attendance slowly tapered off over the years as life got fuller.
6 years in, I go to a meeting probably once every other week. I go because I enjoy it and I like seeing my friends. I also only go to a specific men's meeting where half the room has like 15-20+ years sober. I got sober at 31, so I've learned a lot about life, how to be a good man, husband and now father from these guys.
But do I need meetings to stay sober? For me, no. The program (big book and steps) keeps me sober, not meetings. But I think back to that first year when I was all alone and how much I leaned on the fellowship. I am very grateful that AA was there for me.
6 years in, I go to a meeting probably once every other week. I go because I enjoy it and I like seeing my friends. I also only go to a specific men's meeting where half the room has like 15-20+ years sober. I got sober at 31, so I've learned a lot about life, how to be a good man, husband and now father from these guys.
But do I need meetings to stay sober? For me, no. The program (big book and steps) keeps me sober, not meetings. But I think back to that first year when I was all alone and how much I leaned on the fellowship. I am very grateful that AA was there for me.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2018
Posts: 405
I did 90/90 and went to meetings for about a year and a half into sobriety but I never got a sponsor.
I have my own recovery program which I've tailored on a lot of AA principles. My criticism of AA's approach is IMO it focuses too much on the spiritual portion of recovery. The spiritual aspect is important to me and it's the focus of my third year of recovery but overall I believe in the holistic approach to healing. That includes working on my physical, mental, emotional, financial, social, professional, and yes spiritual goals.
AA was there for me when I was desperate, I've taken my username from AA, and I wouldn't hesitate to go back to AA if I felt I was regressing in my recovery. Without question I would recommend AA to anybody new in sobriety.
I have my own recovery program which I've tailored on a lot of AA principles. My criticism of AA's approach is IMO it focuses too much on the spiritual portion of recovery. The spiritual aspect is important to me and it's the focus of my third year of recovery but overall I believe in the holistic approach to healing. That includes working on my physical, mental, emotional, financial, social, professional, and yes spiritual goals.
AA was there for me when I was desperate, I've taken my username from AA, and I wouldn't hesitate to go back to AA if I felt I was regressing in my recovery. Without question I would recommend AA to anybody new in sobriety.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 927
Very interesting answers, I’m 7 months sober, 2 meetings a week but sometimes feel I’m not enjoying the meetings or hearing the same share every single week from some of the old timers... but then a newcomer comes in or someone shares something so raw I get goosebumps. I’m going to keep going for now but it’s good to hear there’s a sober life after AA.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 5,169
Originally Posted by foreverfuzzy 
I’m going to keep going for now but it’s good to hear there’s a sober life after AA.
This is a bit off track, but I was heating my home in Montana with wood, and I used to gather it in the spring so I wouldn't have to compete with a thousand other wood gatherers in the fall. I burned 8 cords a winter, and with a Toyota pickup that could only haul 3/5 of a cord, that meant I had to spend more than half a month after work getting wood. So I missed a string of meetings toward the end of my first year.
Now usually, when a regular AA member misses a string of meetings, you can almost be assured he's fallen off the wagon. It happened all the time in my group. When someone starts drinking again, they just disappear for a while, until alcohol finally beats them up yet one more time. As a result, a close friend from AA called me to find out if I was OK, and when I explained, he gave a sigh of relief, and said something like, "This is great. AA doesn't have to be the only thing you do each night."
Obviously, I was touched by that. None of my drinking buddies ever called when I stopped showing up at the bars.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by snitch
Hi. Am just curious if anyone here initially got sober with AA and then moved from AA but stayed sober? And if so would you mind sharing how?
i went to a crapton of meetings the first year and a LOT for a few years after. i dont attend meetings that often now-14+ years later.
moving on from living the principles of the program?
id be dead if i did that.
non-drinker
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Milwaukee, Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 13,841
I got sober without any "formal" program. I put together my own program, by shamelessly stealing my favorite parts of the established programs. My main recovery tool is daily gratitude. Next week, I'll be 10 years happily sober. Find what works for you and WORK IT!
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
I owe my life to AA and, strangely enough for a selfish person, I am happy and even grateful to continue repaying that debt.
As far as I can tell, some who walk away seem to do OK, and others drink and die. Some of the latter told me they would be back if they ever felt the need, but alcoholism never gave them the option. It probably depends on how "alcoholic" one is to start with.
I have done both over the years. Initially very busy in AA, then several years with very few meetings as life filled up, then back into AA again, not so much meetings, but actively working with others.
My life is much richer when I am active.
As far as I can tell, some who walk away seem to do OK, and others drink and die. Some of the latter told me they would be back if they ever felt the need, but alcoholism never gave them the option. It probably depends on how "alcoholic" one is to start with.
I have done both over the years. Initially very busy in AA, then several years with very few meetings as life filled up, then back into AA again, not so much meetings, but actively working with others.
My life is much richer when I am active.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: Minnesota, USA
Posts: 1,468
Hey Snitch,
When I had my moment of clarity that the sober life was the only life for me. That was it. I never looked back.
I would go to AA to be around other people like me, to not feel as though I was alone, to maybe help or encourage someone else. I did go weekly for about 8 months. I chaired the meeting. I would talk about the steps as the weeks went on, so really I did some step work, out loud. I don't have anyone to make amends with as I removed everyone from my life. I started life over, with a clean slate, new friends, and the couple I still have left were not affected by my drinking.
I never completed the steps, I never got a sponsor and I now go maybe once every couple of months to just check in and see how people are doing.
I go to church, I pray, I journal, and alcohol is just so far removed from my life. I have no desire to throw away what I have built, there is NOTHING worth a drink.
When I had my moment of clarity that the sober life was the only life for me. That was it. I never looked back.
I would go to AA to be around other people like me, to not feel as though I was alone, to maybe help or encourage someone else. I did go weekly for about 8 months. I chaired the meeting. I would talk about the steps as the weeks went on, so really I did some step work, out loud. I don't have anyone to make amends with as I removed everyone from my life. I started life over, with a clean slate, new friends, and the couple I still have left were not affected by my drinking.
I never completed the steps, I never got a sponsor and I now go maybe once every couple of months to just check in and see how people are doing.
I go to church, I pray, I journal, and alcohol is just so far removed from my life. I have no desire to throw away what I have built, there is NOTHING worth a drink.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2018
Location: Cheshire. U.K
Posts: 8,003
I did Suze, I initially went to A. A in desperation and loved it, but I was unable to do the 90/90 or even go every week at times. My dad was terminally ill and we were looking after him at home, plus I had to take in my then 3 yr old grandson. I didn't work the steps or get a sponsor, however, I did pick up a lot of recovery tools and I try and live my life using a lot of their principles, I also found S.R which has been my salvation. Daily gratitude plays a massive part in my sobriety.
At the moment I feel strong in my recovery but should I ever feel as though I am struggling I wouldn't hesitate in giving A.A another go. Everyone is different and you just have to do what is right for you.
At the moment I feel strong in my recovery but should I ever feel as though I am struggling I wouldn't hesitate in giving A.A another go. Everyone is different and you just have to do what is right for you.
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