Just got off a 3 month bender
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: london
Posts: 146
Just got off a 3 month bender
Its all got a bit too real for me this time. Im almost 7 years since i first posted here and through all that time i had depression and this drink problem i kinda got lost in my own world.
Isolating myself from the real world has had a much worse effect on me than i thought. The cycle of heavy drinking , a few weeks sober then back to heavy drinking never made me really think of the severity of my problem because i was alwats in a daze.
But recently reality has hit me hard and i have completely freaked out about what i have done or not done during this decade of drinking.
im nearly 33 and all my friends have moved on with kids and marriage etc and im feeling like a failure.
I havnt had any good sober time since 2016 and its getting harder for me to stay off it longer than 2 weeks. I looked up my local aa last week and in my town it no longer exists, what a joke.
Im not giving up by any means im just really worried about this reality check as it's the first time ive felt like this. Things just seem so much more serious.now i cant take it its horrible.
Isolating myself from the real world has had a much worse effect on me than i thought. The cycle of heavy drinking , a few weeks sober then back to heavy drinking never made me really think of the severity of my problem because i was alwats in a daze.
But recently reality has hit me hard and i have completely freaked out about what i have done or not done during this decade of drinking.
im nearly 33 and all my friends have moved on with kids and marriage etc and im feeling like a failure.
I havnt had any good sober time since 2016 and its getting harder for me to stay off it longer than 2 weeks. I looked up my local aa last week and in my town it no longer exists, what a joke.
Im not giving up by any means im just really worried about this reality check as it's the first time ive felt like this. Things just seem so much more serious.now i cant take it its horrible.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,505
I'm glad you're back. It sounds like you know that you must stop drinking now and change your life. You can get things back on track and live the life you want and be the person you want to be.
Are there other AA meetings in your area that you could attend, since your old one is gone? You can always find support here and we do understand how scary this is.
Are there other AA meetings in your area that you could attend, since your old one is gone? You can always find support here and we do understand how scary this is.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: Derbyshire Dales, UK.
Posts: 2,618
Hi Bradley. Your GP should know of available help in your area, also a quick google search for ' addiction services' will bring up local help.
Other than that, if you want to go the AA route, there is always AA Online.
So glad you posted - it sounds like you've reached a real turning point and we are all here for you
Other than that, if you want to go the AA route, there is always AA Online.
So glad you posted - it sounds like you've reached a real turning point and we are all here for you
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,044
Hi Bradley,
Welcome back! It is great to see you here again. AA is one good method of support, but there are many others as well. This forum has been my greatest resource.
Someone suggested checking with your doctor to see what options are available in your area, that’s a great idea.
Logging in and posting here daily is another great support.
I have three and a half years sober, but was 12 years older than you are now when it finally stuck for me. You have your whole life ahead of you, and lots of Tom for great relationships, family, and career. However it’s got to start with you. I know you can do this. Just focus on this moment, it’s the only thing you can control, and keep on doing that. I found mindfulness really helpful, there are some great apps, or you tube videos on this. I also found exercise, particularly going for walks outdoors a good way to center myself.
Welcome back! It is great to see you here again. AA is one good method of support, but there are many others as well. This forum has been my greatest resource.
Someone suggested checking with your doctor to see what options are available in your area, that’s a great idea.
Logging in and posting here daily is another great support.
I have three and a half years sober, but was 12 years older than you are now when it finally stuck for me. You have your whole life ahead of you, and lots of Tom for great relationships, family, and career. However it’s got to start with you. I know you can do this. Just focus on this moment, it’s the only thing you can control, and keep on doing that. I found mindfulness really helpful, there are some great apps, or you tube videos on this. I also found exercise, particularly going for walks outdoors a good way to center myself.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2019
Posts: 290
bradley, for what it's worth I turned 40 this year and have not had more than 90 consecutive days sober in the last 20 years. I feel what you mean about people moving on with life, kids, careers. For me life is ok, but what am I supposed to do with it?
I'm trying to keep that question present rather than ignore it and justify that things are ok as is and won't change. But I'm trying to turn the volume down, too, when it comes up in my mind. I have some minor decision to make, and I keep going to a resentful place, so I journaled on them and decided to take another look when I get 30 days sober (11 so far). I'm not ignoring the issue, but acknowledging I might need some more time and options.
I figure if I can put year together then I can reasonably consider a relationship or career change. Not that I'm punishing myself for a year, but the mind/body/soul I have to make the decision in a year should be more qualified to do it. It's helped take some of the pressure off.
And if none of that helps, at least now you know someone who's 7 years behind you!
Peace!!!
I'm trying to keep that question present rather than ignore it and justify that things are ok as is and won't change. But I'm trying to turn the volume down, too, when it comes up in my mind. I have some minor decision to make, and I keep going to a resentful place, so I journaled on them and decided to take another look when I get 30 days sober (11 so far). I'm not ignoring the issue, but acknowledging I might need some more time and options.
I figure if I can put year together then I can reasonably consider a relationship or career change. Not that I'm punishing myself for a year, but the mind/body/soul I have to make the decision in a year should be more qualified to do it. It's helped take some of the pressure off.
And if none of that helps, at least now you know someone who's 7 years behind you!
Peace!!!
The Little Alcoholic Monstress That Could
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Northern California
Posts: 1,159
How about reading some recovery books? There’s loads on amazon that can be delivered to you. I also recommend listening to sobriety stories on youtube. SR is definitely helpful. And hopefully you can find some face to face support in time.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 2
Originally Posted by bradley26 
Its all got a bit too real for me this time. Im almost 7 years since i first posted here and through all that time i had depression and this drink problem i kinda got lost in my own world.
Isolating myself from the real world has had a much worse effect on me than i thought. The cycle of heavy drinking , a few weeks sober then back to heavy drinking never made me really think of the severity of my problem because i was alwats in a daze.
But recently reality has hit me hard and i have completely freaked out about what i have done or not done during this decade of drinking.
im nearly 33 and all my friends have moved on with kids and marriage etc and im feeling like a failure.
I havnt had any good sober time since 2016 and its getting harder for me to stay off it longer than 2 weeks. I looked up my local aa last week and in my town it no longer exists, what a joke.
Im not giving up by any means im just really worried about this reality check as it's the first time ive felt like this. Things just seem so much more serious.now i cant take it its horrible.
Isolating myself from the real world has had a much worse effect on me than i thought. The cycle of heavy drinking , a few weeks sober then back to heavy drinking never made me really think of the severity of my problem because i was alwats in a daze.
But recently reality has hit me hard and i have completely freaked out about what i have done or not done during this decade of drinking.
im nearly 33 and all my friends have moved on with kids and marriage etc and im feeling like a failure.
I havnt had any good sober time since 2016 and its getting harder for me to stay off it longer than 2 weeks. I looked up my local aa last week and in my town it no longer exists, what a joke.
Im not giving up by any means im just really worried about this reality check as it's the first time ive felt like this. Things just seem so much more serious.now i cant take it its horrible.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: S.E. MI
Posts: 1,025
your doing better than me. I had not had ANY sober time period. At least not since about 1991 or so. When your health starts failing from drinking and you start really feeling like poop all the time you'll come around. Everyone has to stop at some point. Sooner the better.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: london
Posts: 146
Hi everyone thank you for the replies as always ,sorry im only just getting back to you all now.
I still haven't had a drink since this post last week and have been pretty productive with my time to be honest.
Today is a very hot day and I don't know why but its always one of my triggers that gives me a craving. I've been wracking my brain trying to justify going and getting a crate of beers and stuffing my face with salty snacks for the last couple hours and this craving was pretty hard I must admit. But I decided to come on here for a read and take my mind of it which is a step in the right direction I suppose.
One thing ive noticed is its become harder and harder to resist the cravings as the years go by , I used to be able to go 3 months before falling off but its come down to like 2 weeks these days.
Anyway thanks again for the support everyone I really appreciate it.
I still haven't had a drink since this post last week and have been pretty productive with my time to be honest.
Today is a very hot day and I don't know why but its always one of my triggers that gives me a craving. I've been wracking my brain trying to justify going and getting a crate of beers and stuffing my face with salty snacks for the last couple hours and this craving was pretty hard I must admit. But I decided to come on here for a read and take my mind of it which is a step in the right direction I suppose.
One thing ive noticed is its become harder and harder to resist the cravings as the years go by , I used to be able to go 3 months before falling off but its come down to like 2 weeks these days.
Anyway thanks again for the support everyone I really appreciate it.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2018
Posts: 177
Hey Bradley. Noticed I have a similar drinking pattern to you , but I'm 51 now. Some of the guys I drank with are granddads now , got there career s and life sorted. But I never moved on , would do the 2 weeks or month here n there , years flew by from one drunken episode to next , living now in city centre flat , steps from the pub we all drank in , I managed to stop 43 days ago and hopefully this is it for me , you know where I'm going with this. Don't waste your best years on booze. They fly by.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 2,408
One thing is for sure and that is that the way to guarantee nothing improves and continues to get worse is to carry on drinking. It is possible to get a life in recovery of peace of mind in which all of those external/material things happen as a byproduct.
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