Fighting for it this time
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 380
Fighting for it this time
Hi. Again.
I've been reading a lot and taking it all in, thought it was time to share where I'm at. I've struggled for years (decades), the last 18 months being the worst. I've lost everything but my life at this point and am taking action to change.
My last drink was May 19. Withdrawals culminating in a seizure on the 21st. I was around people and an ambulance was called, I was taken to the hospital and admitted for 3 days.
I don't have a penny to my name but found a state funded rehab and got on the waiting list. I still have about 3 weeks until my intake date. However, it was suggested to call each day to inquire about any cancellations and I have followed through. Every day I call, some days I don't want to, some days I'm terrified, some days I just feel deflated to once again hear "Sorry, we're still full today". But for the first time in decades I'm following through. I will call every day until my intake date.
I have eliminated every friendship, every dollar, my car, my license, my house, my job, my daughter, my dog - truly have drank away everything. By the grace of God I have a roof over my head until I can get a bed in rehab and after that I have no clue but I can only deal with beginning my recovery right now.
I want to drink every day. I'm white knuckling every minute, but I finally want to be sober more than I want to drink. I pray each day to maintain this resolve and that pushing to get into an environment that will help teach me to live sober, healthy, responsibly will lead to climbing out of this hole I've put myself in.
The support here is always amazing, even when it's been hard and frustrating to hear.
I've been reading a lot and taking it all in, thought it was time to share where I'm at. I've struggled for years (decades), the last 18 months being the worst. I've lost everything but my life at this point and am taking action to change.
My last drink was May 19. Withdrawals culminating in a seizure on the 21st. I was around people and an ambulance was called, I was taken to the hospital and admitted for 3 days.
I don't have a penny to my name but found a state funded rehab and got on the waiting list. I still have about 3 weeks until my intake date. However, it was suggested to call each day to inquire about any cancellations and I have followed through. Every day I call, some days I don't want to, some days I'm terrified, some days I just feel deflated to once again hear "Sorry, we're still full today". But for the first time in decades I'm following through. I will call every day until my intake date.
I have eliminated every friendship, every dollar, my car, my license, my house, my job, my daughter, my dog - truly have drank away everything. By the grace of God I have a roof over my head until I can get a bed in rehab and after that I have no clue but I can only deal with beginning my recovery right now.
I want to drink every day. I'm white knuckling every minute, but I finally want to be sober more than I want to drink. I pray each day to maintain this resolve and that pushing to get into an environment that will help teach me to live sober, healthy, responsibly will lead to climbing out of this hole I've put myself in.
The support here is always amazing, even when it's been hard and frustrating to hear.
totfit
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Ft Collins, CO
Posts: 1,273
Hang in there. While at times it seems an impossible tasks, there are those of us that have gotten sober in similar circumstances. Find other things to do to keep yourself busy. For me it was not so much about quitting drinking as doing something else instead. This is what works for me. The best to you.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,237
Continue the footwork necessary to
achieve sobriety with willingness,
openmindedness and honesty with
each day you remain sober.
Listen, learn, absorb and apply the tools
and knowledge of addiction and recovery
to achieve many of lifes blessings ahead
of you.
Hang on to your lifelines in recovery so
that you never have to go thru this process
alone or by yourself.
There are many of us living in the fellowship
of recovery supporting each other thru life
and recovery with understanding and care
just by sharing our own ESH - experiences,
strengths and hopes of what life was before,
during and after our addiction.
Stay strong and positive as you begin your
own journey in recovery by taking that first
step in which you already have.
achieve sobriety with willingness,
openmindedness and honesty with
each day you remain sober.
Listen, learn, absorb and apply the tools
and knowledge of addiction and recovery
to achieve many of lifes blessings ahead
of you.
Hang on to your lifelines in recovery so
that you never have to go thru this process
alone or by yourself.
There are many of us living in the fellowship
of recovery supporting each other thru life
and recovery with understanding and care
just by sharing our own ESH - experiences,
strengths and hopes of what life was before,
during and after our addiction.
Stay strong and positive as you begin your
own journey in recovery by taking that first
step in which you already have.
Ocean Lover!
Join Date: Apr 2018
Location: You know nothing Jon Snow - UK
Posts: 2,604
Sounds like you are determined and committed so I wish you the very best and will keep my fingers crossed for you x. With the attitude you are showing you’re in with a great chance to change and get out of this viscous cycle of addiction, you can do this MF! xx
Member
Join Date: Jun 2019
Posts: 290
Thank you for sharing all this! I wish you the best and also know this helps me remember the seriousness of what we're dealing with. I tend to coast after a few day/weeks. Sharing our stories with each other reminds me we all need to bring our A-game to this every day, or else...
You sound like you're coming from a deep, solid place with your resolve and follow-through!
You sound like you're coming from a deep, solid place with your resolve and follow-through!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 380
Funny thought I had; almost wish I could change the title of this thread. I'm not fighting this time, I'm giving in completely. Surrendering. The bottom line is My Way has never worked.
I made my daily call to rehab to see if there were any cancellations or no shows that I could step into early. No luck today, but I'm not deterred. I still have my guaranteed bed in 3 weeks. I can do this. I will do this.
I made my daily call to rehab to see if there were any cancellations or no shows that I could step into early. No luck today, but I'm not deterred. I still have my guaranteed bed in 3 weeks. I can do this. I will do this.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2019
Posts: 19
Originally Posted by MovingForward1 
Funny thought I had; almost wish I could change the title of this thread. I'm not fighting this time, I'm giving in completely. Surrendering. The bottom line is My Way has never worked.
I made my daily call to rehab to see if there were any cancellations or no shows that I could step into early. No luck today, but I'm not deterred. I still have my guaranteed bed in 3 weeks. I can do this. I will do this.
I made my daily call to rehab to see if there were any cancellations or no shows that I could step into early. No luck today, but I'm not deterred. I still have my guaranteed bed in 3 weeks. I can do this. I will do this.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2018
Posts: 405
Originally Posted by MovingForward1
Funny thought I had; almost wish I could change the title of this thread. I'm not fighting this time, I'm giving in completely. Surrendering. The bottom line is My Way has never worked.
I made my daily call to rehab to see if there were any cancellations or no shows that I could step into early. No luck today, but I'm not deterred. I still have my guaranteed bed in 3 weeks. I can do this. I will do this.
I made my daily call to rehab to see if there were any cancellations or no shows that I could step into early. No luck today, but I'm not deterred. I still have my guaranteed bed in 3 weeks. I can do this. I will do this.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
surrender is a magical thing....
and hey, big KUDOS to you for doing it, despite the frustration of the wait, the challenge of the day-to-day.... you're at a place in this thing where a lot of times, folks find all the challenge a great set of excuses to head right out and steal a bottle from the local liquor store.
Keep at it, keep your head in the daily devotion to sobriety..... keep coming here, keep sharing, when it gets hard, double down on that surrender.... surrender into this community when you have nowhere else to turn; we're here. Get to meetings for some face-to-face. Meetings may or may not be your 'thing' - but they're free, there's coffee, there's community, there's real human beings who want you to succeed, just like here.
What you're doing right now is acting in honor of a choice to embrace sobriety and improve your life. And it WILL improve. It already is - even when it's hard to see.
You can do this.
and hey, big KUDOS to you for doing it, despite the frustration of the wait, the challenge of the day-to-day.... you're at a place in this thing where a lot of times, folks find all the challenge a great set of excuses to head right out and steal a bottle from the local liquor store.
Keep at it, keep your head in the daily devotion to sobriety..... keep coming here, keep sharing, when it gets hard, double down on that surrender.... surrender into this community when you have nowhere else to turn; we're here. Get to meetings for some face-to-face. Meetings may or may not be your 'thing' - but they're free, there's coffee, there's community, there's real human beings who want you to succeed, just like here.
What you're doing right now is acting in honor of a choice to embrace sobriety and improve your life. And it WILL improve. It already is - even when it's hard to see.
You can do this.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,040
You can definitely do this. There are lots of stories on SR about people who had lost everything, or close to it. Two great examples of recovery that I can think of are Phoenix and Buckley. Take a look at some of their very first posts, and then where they are now.
Focus on what you have to be grateful for even when it’s not easy.
-You are sober today
-You have somewhere to live
-You have a bed in rehab in three weeks
Hopefully rehab can help you with a place to live, and work after you are done.
You can do this, and I promise it is worth it!
Focus on what you have to be grateful for even when it’s not easy.
-You are sober today
-You have somewhere to live
-You have a bed in rehab in three weeks
Hopefully rehab can help you with a place to live, and work after you are done.
You can do this, and I promise it is worth it!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 380
Really appreciate the support and especially all the suggestions of what to read. It does help considering how far I've fallen. I need to be reminded that as long as I'm still breathing I can climb out of this hole, as deep as I've dug it. Just need to do the next right thing.
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