Friend suggesting I can drink in moderation now
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Join Date: Mar 2019
Posts: 54
Friend suggesting I can drink in moderation now
Hi all,
I'm 75 days sober today. My friend who is quite close to me is a self confessed high functioning alcoholic, he jokes about it a bit. He has stopped drinking alcohol occasionally but obviously not for long.
Today I mentioned I was going back on antidepressants on advice from my Dr. We talked how it was ok and the idea was it helped medically. Then he suggested maybe I could give back to doing things in moderation.. I.e. drinking.
I became extremely angry. I said he was trivializing what I'd been through with quitting. I said alcohol and me will never ever work. I said it's a bad drug all round, and was destroying peoples lives across the world, preventing them from reaching their full potential.
Hes now ignoring me.
I feel bad for voicing my anger, but I feel so angry about his flippant suggestion. And in the past hes mentioned basically he diesnt think alcohol has been ruining my life/relationships...hes put that down to bad boyfriends. I mean sure they werent without fault but I was a hyped up insecure unpredictable woman that lacked self control. How can he suggest that???
sorry for the rant, needed to vent... feeling pretty angry still and disappointed
I'm 75 days sober today. My friend who is quite close to me is a self confessed high functioning alcoholic, he jokes about it a bit. He has stopped drinking alcohol occasionally but obviously not for long.
Today I mentioned I was going back on antidepressants on advice from my Dr. We talked how it was ok and the idea was it helped medically. Then he suggested maybe I could give back to doing things in moderation.. I.e. drinking.
I became extremely angry. I said he was trivializing what I'd been through with quitting. I said alcohol and me will never ever work. I said it's a bad drug all round, and was destroying peoples lives across the world, preventing them from reaching their full potential.
Hes now ignoring me.
I feel bad for voicing my anger, but I feel so angry about his flippant suggestion. And in the past hes mentioned basically he diesnt think alcohol has been ruining my life/relationships...hes put that down to bad boyfriends. I mean sure they werent without fault but I was a hyped up insecure unpredictable woman that lacked self control. How can he suggest that???
sorry for the rant, needed to vent... feeling pretty angry still and disappointed
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 349
Peace,
While actively drinking, I always felt better when others were drinking too. Then I didn’t have a problem, right?
Your friend knows his drinking is questionable, so I’m sure your sobriety is quite threatening. Sounds to me like you are doing something right. Sobriety changes close relationships. It is unavoidable. You know why you needed to stop...don’t lose site of that.
Congrats on 75 days!
-bora
While actively drinking, I always felt better when others were drinking too. Then I didn’t have a problem, right?
Your friend knows his drinking is questionable, so I’m sure your sobriety is quite threatening. Sounds to me like you are doing something right. Sobriety changes close relationships. It is unavoidable. You know why you needed to stop...don’t lose site of that.
Congrats on 75 days!
-bora
Member
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 119
Originally Posted by peaceandfreedom 
Hi all,
I'm 75 days sober today. My friend who is quite close to me is a self confessed high functioning alcoholic, he jokes about it a bit. He has stopped drinking alcohol occasionally but obviously not for long.
Today I mentioned I was going back on antidepressants on advice from my Dr. We talked how it was ok and the idea was it helped medically. Then he suggested maybe I could give back to doing things in moderation.. I.e. drinking.
I became extremely angry. I said he was trivializing what I'd been through with quitting. I said alcohol and me will never ever work. I said it's a bad drug all round, and was destroying peoples lives across the world, preventing them from reaching their full potential.
Hes now ignoring me.
I feel bad for voicing my anger, but I feel so angry about his flippant suggestion. And in the past hes mentioned basically he diesnt think alcohol has been ruining my life/relationships...hes put that down to bad boyfriends. I mean sure they werent without fault but I was a hyped up insecure unpredictable woman that lacked self control. How can he suggest that???
sorry for the rant, needed to vent... feeling pretty angry still and disappointed
I'm 75 days sober today. My friend who is quite close to me is a self confessed high functioning alcoholic, he jokes about it a bit. He has stopped drinking alcohol occasionally but obviously not for long.
Today I mentioned I was going back on antidepressants on advice from my Dr. We talked how it was ok and the idea was it helped medically. Then he suggested maybe I could give back to doing things in moderation.. I.e. drinking.
I became extremely angry. I said he was trivializing what I'd been through with quitting. I said alcohol and me will never ever work. I said it's a bad drug all round, and was destroying peoples lives across the world, preventing them from reaching their full potential.
Hes now ignoring me.
I feel bad for voicing my anger, but I feel so angry about his flippant suggestion. And in the past hes mentioned basically he diesnt think alcohol has been ruining my life/relationships...hes put that down to bad boyfriends. I mean sure they werent without fault but I was a hyped up insecure unpredictable woman that lacked self control. How can he suggest that???
sorry for the rant, needed to vent... feeling pretty angry still and disappointed
stay strong and do not listen to him. In my stints of sobriety I have learned I need to focus on ME and sometimes the loudest alcohol Voice is that of the ones we love and who are supposed to support us!!
you are doing great and we are here to listen to your rants and support you!
Last edited by Hootowlhoot; 06-15-2019 at 03:50 AM. Reason: Typos
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
Well, that’s a bummer. But not surprising.
Maybe it would help to remember that a self deScribed high functioning alcoholic is probably not the most well-positioned giver of advice on recovery.
keep up the sobriety!! Try to let go the anger toward your friend, it won’t serve you.
Maybe it would help to remember that a self deScribed high functioning alcoholic is probably not the most well-positioned giver of advice on recovery.
keep up the sobriety!! Try to let go the anger toward your friend, it won’t serve you.
Serenity Now!
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Ontario
Posts: 112
when i was getting into trouble for drinking at work, the one guy said youve got to surround yourself with people that wanna help you, not hurt you.
gonna loose my drinking buddy, but better believe if he tries to offer me a drink im gonna tell him to **** off!
gonna loose my drinking buddy, but better believe if he tries to offer me a drink im gonna tell him to **** off!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2018
Posts: 108
Even when I was drinking, I knew the term high functioning alcoholic was a contradiction in terms. Anyone who says that has a problem and probably knows it. Block all that nonsense out and keep doing what you’re doing. I’m sure the wheels will eventually fall of for him if they haven’t already. Good job on 75 days!!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2019
Posts: 290
I'm always amazed at our "friends" and "family" who have seen our drinking, seen it hurting and threatening to kill us, and respond, "Meh, just try again."
If a toddler tried to pet a viscious dog and got badly bitten, and came to you crying, holding her bloody arm, screaming, "IT HURTS! OWWWW!!!" Would you say, "Eh, just put your mind to pettng that dog. Get back over there and try again!"?
Me neither. I've tried to pet that animal too many times, and I'm tired of getting hurt. Some people never get bitten so they can't understand. They're free to keep messing with it if they want. I'm ready to dry the tears, heal, and find someone else to play with
If a toddler tried to pet a viscious dog and got badly bitten, and came to you crying, holding her bloody arm, screaming, "IT HURTS! OWWWW!!!" Would you say, "Eh, just put your mind to pettng that dog. Get back over there and try again!"?
Me neither. I've tried to pet that animal too many times, and I'm tired of getting hurt. Some people never get bitten so they can't understand. They're free to keep messing with it if they want. I'm ready to dry the tears, heal, and find someone else to play with
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
Sorry this happened - but completely unsurprised.
Two things I always stick by- one, it's usually the problem drinkers that have some kind of problem with us being sober. And two, only keep people supportive of you (in your whole life not just with your sobriety) around.
75 days is awesome, still early, and most definitely a time to be "selfish" - ie, selective and proactive- about who you spend time with, because you don't have to give your time to anyone.
We might lose some "friends" - but those I have gained more than make up for that.
Keep going- glad you are here.
Two things I always stick by- one, it's usually the problem drinkers that have some kind of problem with us being sober. And two, only keep people supportive of you (in your whole life not just with your sobriety) around.
75 days is awesome, still early, and most definitely a time to be "selfish" - ie, selective and proactive- about who you spend time with, because you don't have to give your time to anyone.
We might lose some "friends" - but those I have gained more than make up for that.
Keep going- glad you are here.
Member
Join Date: May 2019
Location: UK
Posts: 3,940
Originally Posted by FreeOwl
Well, that’s a bummer. But not surprising.
Maybe it would help to remember that a self deScribed high functioning alcoholic is probably not the most well-positioned giver of advice on recovery.
keep up the sobriety!! Try to let go the anger toward your friend, it won’t serve you.
Maybe it would help to remember that a self deScribed high functioning alcoholic is probably not the most well-positioned giver of advice on recovery.
keep up the sobriety!! Try to let go the anger toward your friend, it won’t serve you.
My friends, whether they drink or not, know I was dependent and had to quit. Whilst they were a bit surprised, they accepted it. I’d be shocked if they tried to make me drink again. I’d expect this sort of thing from someone who didn’t know me or colleagues who I don’t much care about.
Well done on 75 days. Isn’t it easier now to stay quit because you’ll only have to quit again if you drink now?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2019
Posts: 54
Originally Posted by boreas
Peace,
While actively drinking, I always felt better when others were drinking too. Then I didn’t have a problem, right?
Your friend knows his drinking is questionable, so I’m sure your sobriety is quite threatening. Sounds to me like you are doing something right. Sobriety changes close relationships. It is unavoidable. You know why you needed to stop...don’t lose site of that.
Congrats on 75 days!
-bora
While actively drinking, I always felt better when others were drinking too. Then I didn’t have a problem, right?
Your friend knows his drinking is questionable, so I’m sure your sobriety is quite threatening. Sounds to me like you are doing something right. Sobriety changes close relationships. It is unavoidable. You know why you needed to stop...don’t lose site of that.
Congrats on 75 days!
-bora
Thank you bora
it's just a shame if our friendship has to end Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2019
Posts: 54
Originally Posted by Hootowlhoot
Congrats on 75 days!! What an amazing accomplishment. I’m sorry your friend is acting this way. He may be jealous to be honest. And maybe also lonely. My husband doesn’t have a problem with alcohol but will get like this with me. He will also say I start acting better than people when I go long hours of sobriety. I think it’s jealousy, loneliness and maybe a bit of guilt.
stay strong and do not listen to him. In my stints of sobriety I have learned I need to focus on ME and sometimes the loudest alcohol Voice is that of the ones we love and who are supposed to support us!!
you are doing great and we are here to listen to your rants and support you!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2019
Posts: 54
Thank you everyone
I'm on my phone so it's hard to thank everyone individually but thank you EVERYONE. So relieved to hear your voices. A few years ago I nearly killed myself. This particular friend saw me through this, I am still grateful. I have said that to him a million times too. So it's going to suck if we cant come back from this. Hes one of my closest friends and I don't have many. But I guess sobriety will always be my BFF. And while that seems a bit lonely to me sometimes... my heart and brain both say its right.
also thanks for saying 75 days is early. I feel like I'm a brand new person (some good/some bad)... but I'm hoping it keeps getting better. I'm trying so so hard, and not many people in my life know that I was an alcoholic and recently quit. My partner of 9 months knows I don't drink but he has no idea what a huge thing it is...to get from relying on alcohol to live to now just kinda swimming without a tether. The fear, sadness, anger...also peace, calm and joy too at times. But I am not really able to share my innermost struggle with anyone...except counselors...and here.
thank you and good vibes to everyone x
also thanks for saying 75 days is early. I feel like I'm a brand new person (some good/some bad)... but I'm hoping it keeps getting better. I'm trying so so hard, and not many people in my life know that I was an alcoholic and recently quit. My partner of 9 months knows I don't drink but he has no idea what a huge thing it is...to get from relying on alcohol to live to now just kinda swimming without a tether. The fear, sadness, anger...also peace, calm and joy too at times. But I am not really able to share my innermost struggle with anyone...except counselors...and here.
thank you and good vibes to everyone x
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Join Date: May 2019
Posts: 44
My best friend doesn't think I am an alcoholic either. She thinks that I just need to learn how to channel my stress in a healthier way and then I can drink "normally" again. Ha! ..yeah right.
My other best friend blames it on my circumstances...bad boyfriends, stress at work. Don't think so
I love them both to bits and understand that they will never understand me because they are not alcoholics. The main thing is that I stay focused and know what's right for me.
75 days! Amazing! I hope to get that number too one day
My other best friend blames it on my circumstances...bad boyfriends, stress at work. Don't think so
I love them both to bits and understand that they will never understand me because they are not alcoholics. The main thing is that I stay focused and know what's right for me.
75 days! Amazing! I hope to get that number too one day
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
For me, when I react extremely powerfully to someones words or opinions about my addiction/abstinence etc, that is my addiction talking. That is the angry little addict in me that really wants the sober me to drink. Its a sneaky little bastard. Its not his words that stirred you up, its your feelings.
Think about it. Yes, he's your friend, but who really cares what he says, thinks or believes about your addiction or abstinence? You could just have easily laughed it off and said 'yeah, I don't think so bro'. And been done with it. No resentment, no betrayal, no anger, no hurt.
You do have a choice. I have had to learn that I am not a push go toy. Push the button and I react with my usual anger, joy, sadness whatever. What if you were to pause before feeling or judging? Think about what is actually happening. A whole lot of nothing.
You're sober and you are doing great. Put that non stick coating on and practice not giving a crap what anyone else has to say, especially when you absolutely know they are full of ****.
Think about it. Yes, he's your friend, but who really cares what he says, thinks or believes about your addiction or abstinence? You could just have easily laughed it off and said 'yeah, I don't think so bro'. And been done with it. No resentment, no betrayal, no anger, no hurt.
You do have a choice. I have had to learn that I am not a push go toy. Push the button and I react with my usual anger, joy, sadness whatever. What if you were to pause before feeling or judging? Think about what is actually happening. A whole lot of nothing.
You're sober and you are doing great. Put that non stick coating on and practice not giving a crap what anyone else has to say, especially when you absolutely know they are full of ****.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 2,909
Interacting with people will at times result in me being angry and disappointed. I am slowly learning to focus on what is it in me that results with me being angry (or whatever). I have to dig deep and not just be distracted by the initial surface answers that pop up.
When I do that, the most useful information I receive, doesn't contain anything about the other person. It always strictly pertains to me.
What I am discovering is that is information that I can work with to effect change and get results. I tried for years to work with information about the other person and my results were pretty much always nil.
When I do that, the most useful information I receive, doesn't contain anything about the other person. It always strictly pertains to me.
What I am discovering is that is information that I can work with to effect change and get results. I tried for years to work with information about the other person and my results were pretty much always nil.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2019
Posts: 290
Originally Posted by entropy1964
For me, when I react extremely powerfully to someones words or opinions about my addiction/abstinence etc, that is my addiction talking. That is the angry little addict in me that really wants the sober me to drink. Its a sneaky little bastard. Its not his words that stirred you up, its your feelings.
Think about it. Yes, he's your friend, but who really cares what he says, thinks or believes about your addiction or abstinence? You could just have easily laughed it off and said 'yeah, I don't think so bro'. And been done with it. No resentment, no betrayal, no anger, no hurt.
You do have a choice. I have had to learn that I am not a push go toy. Push the button and I react with my usual anger, joy, sadness whatever. What if you were to pause before feeling or judging? Think about what is actually happening. A whole lot of nothing.
You're sober and you are doing great. Put that non stick coating on and practice not giving a crap what anyone else has to say, especially when you absolutely know they are full of ****.
Think about it. Yes, he's your friend, but who really cares what he says, thinks or believes about your addiction or abstinence? You could just have easily laughed it off and said 'yeah, I don't think so bro'. And been done with it. No resentment, no betrayal, no anger, no hurt.
You do have a choice. I have had to learn that I am not a push go toy. Push the button and I react with my usual anger, joy, sadness whatever. What if you were to pause before feeling or judging? Think about what is actually happening. A whole lot of nothing.
You're sober and you are doing great. Put that non stick coating on and practice not giving a crap what anyone else has to say, especially when you absolutely know they are full of ****.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2019
Location: SPb Russia
Posts: 184
I dont know how many 'types' of alcoholic there is - I just know I am the type that cannot drink in moderation. And the more I am reading the more I am wondering if any alcoholic can drink in moderation. If I have one drink, it is torment to stop. I am thinking that if I could have drunk in moderation, then maybe I would not be here in SR.....
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