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Old 06-14-2019, 06:02 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Done, done and done


Hello everyone, I was a member here before but Iíve been having trouble logging in. So Iíll just pick up my story where I am now. Iíve had some trouble with alcohol in the past but I was always able to quit or cut down to safe levels for periods of time. But I donít think my relationship with booze was ever normal.
Iíve had MS for almost 25 years but it was manageable until 2 years ago. I hired an assistant who lived with us to help me run the business and do the heavy lifting and physical part of the job. While I did as much as possible, many days Iíd quite working earlier due to fatigue. I was so fatigued I often spent the entire weekend in bed just so I could get up and go to work again. And Iíd drink.
My husband had a drinking problem when he was younger and he just quit and never drinks now. So when my wine consumption was creeping up and I got falling down drunk a few times we had a talk and I agreed to cut down. That was about 2 years ago. I switched to beer because I didnít really like it, then I started liking it. So I switched to light beer - which I still donít like but boy do I drink it!
In January my neurologist and my family agreed that it was time for me to stop working and had an intervention . I wonít bore you with the details but basically my MS has progressed to the point where I canít walk without a walker or wheelchair, canít bathe without assistance, I canít drive, and my cognitive issues are much worse. Iím basically housebound. Iím one of the lucky ones though - I applied for disability expecting a two year battle but received approval within 6 weeks. I just didnít realize that I had been legally disabled for years and I kept the business going barely making a profit (because I was paying someone to do my job)out of pride, obligation, stubbornness ....whatever the reason. I just didnít want to quit.
Now to the drinking. After I retired I started drinking earlier in the day around lunchtime. I wouldnít eat all day and Iíd pound them back until my husband got home. Weíd have dinner and I wouldnít drink anymore but just feel like crap. He buys my beer and occasionally we would argue about it but not often. Sometimes when he was out at night I would manage to get more beer and binge. Then I found out you could have liquor delivered. So about once a month Iíd order a few bottles of wine and really strong beer. I never drank it all at once but a few times I was at 10 units.
So last week I realized that even without the extra stuff I was still drinking about 7.5 light beers a day for the past three weeks. So I started tapering and told my husband I was done. Today Iím at 3. I realize that tapering isnít the ideal way but it has been keeping my withdrawals at bay. I plan on being finished on Monday. There is only the beer in the house that my husband leaves me so Iíve stuck to it. Probably only because of not having access.
Iím just done. I expected retirement to be enjoyable but instead Iím sick, lonely and bored. I know if I donít stop now this will just get worse and Iíll be dead in a few years. Thank you for listening to my story.
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Old 06-14-2019, 06:06 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Welcome back Miss Lou.

I'm glad you want to quit - I'm sure you know that drinking heavily is no good for MS.

You may even find your day to day condition improves with a little sobriety

D
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Old 06-14-2019, 07:04 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Thanks Dee.
I donít take a lot of the meds my Dr gives me because they interact with alcohol.
So hopefully next week when the alcohol is out of my system I can let my body recover a little bit and decide if those will help.
I had a baseline physical a few weeks ago with my GP who is aware of my drinking and by the grace of God Iím in pretty good shape otherwise
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Old 06-14-2019, 11:42 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Obviously this isnít the place for me to get support. Last time I was here not many people replied either.
Must be my personality 😂.
But just one reply all day!? People I was asking for help! Maybe Iíll come back when Iíve actually quit drinking. Which wonít be today.
I have enough isolation in my real life lol
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Old 06-14-2019, 11:48 AM   #5 (permalink)
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I hope you can stop drinking so that your health will improve.
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Old 06-14-2019, 11:52 AM   #6 (permalink)
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I'm glad you are planning to stop drinking. I hope that, once you are sober, your day to day quality of life will improve.
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Old 06-14-2019, 12:53 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MissLou View Post
Obviously this isnít the place for me to get support. Last time I was here not many people replied either.
Must be my personality 😂.
But just one reply all day!? People I was asking for help! Maybe Iíll come back when Iíve actually quit drinking. Which wonít be today.
I have enough isolation in my real life lol
Could be a busy day, could be people are still at work, could just be that not many have experience or advice to offer based on your particular situation, or who knows. But if you are looking for support to quit drinking and stay quit, this is definitely the right place to be. I hope you can stick around.
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Old 06-14-2019, 12:59 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Hi there! I have felt ignored on here before but really it was in my head and I didnít give people time. I post all the time now and people definitely do come out in droves. Be patient with yourself and others. Your sobriety is worth that your health is worth it you are worth it. Believe that!
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Old 06-14-2019, 02:50 PM   #9 (permalink)
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It's good to see you, MissLou. I hope you'll continue to post & stay with us.
I was drinking all day, every day when I came here. I was never high or happy - but was afraid to let go of it because I'd get shaky & sick. With the encouragement I got here I found the courage to let go of it. You can do it.
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Old 06-14-2019, 05:06 PM   #10 (permalink)
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I hope you'll stick around too. Lack of response happens - depends on time of day, who's online

Normally I would have been in bed at that time of night so I'm glad I was here to reply

D
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