Very weird morning
 

Im 2.5 months free of everything.

This morning the scary, dissociative, panicked feelings I drank to try and escape all came back.

For the first time in 2.5 months I felt that pathetic, horrible desperation to go out and buy a six pack to find "oblivion".

Im in bed with my dogs and writing this post to just get it out.

Yes I desperately want to drink. No point denying it.
just trying to let it pass

Thanks for reading.

Sounds like you did the absolute right thing.

Sometimes panicky feelings happen. That did go away with continuous long-term sobriety for me. Just hang on. It will pass.

Thank you both. If I drink I will not stop the way I feel right now. I just want to beat the crap out of myself with booze.

Sick.

Im like a bulimic only I use alcohol.

I repeat- sick.

Drinking for me was the "answer" to handling most any ill feeling and feelings such as you are experiencing. The rational thing was/is that it was no answer at all, but instead just added fuel to whatever fire occurred. It took time, but I found ways to deal with most any situation/feeling by doing "something else".

Exercise is likely the most important tool I use. It levels me out and decreases general anxiety and naturally provides a sense of well being when done on a regular basis. Sometimes I walk, read, bike or do most anything else to cope. At times I have found that I just have to acknowledge and just experience whatever is occurring. With a bit of time and not doing anything "counterproductive" such as drinking the ill feeling passes.

Thank you This is a baddddd day

Twilight zone bad

Do everything you can to stay sober today, even if it means posting every five minutes or less. Even if it means trapping yourself in your house until the next day, or taking a really long way home so you don't pass the store you always used to go to.

Do some reading, watch dumb videos, go down the conspiracy rabbit hole (you can eat up hours that way, haha), look at animal pics, anything. As totfit said, exercise can also really help. Walking in the woods if available is a great way to ground yourself. If you're afraid you'll go to the store, leave your wallet and only take your keys.

Glad you posted. Hang in there. You can beat this.

Not so bad that alcohol can't make it worse. Hang in there!

I hear you. That desire to slip into oblivion can be so, so strong. Stay where you are - safe with your dog. :puppy:

Stay strong.

I've been there, and I've posted about it. That feeling will pass, it always does.

You can absolutely move through those feelings without drinking Dandelion
Hope you feel a little better now :)

D