Excuses, it’s sunny, Excuses, I’m sad, Excuses and more Excuses! Weekenders 14 - 17 June 2019
Magsie
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 26,666
Excuses, it’s sunny, Excuses, I’m sad, Excuses and more Excuses! Weekenders 14 - 17 June 2019
Welcome to the Weekenders
I found life’s trials and tribulations and life’s delights could trigger me to drink.
In fact I got to the point where any excuse for a drink was a good one! Sad, happy, winter, summer, good days and bad days.
In the end I didn’t need an excuse, it had gotten hold of me and wasn’t letting go. I wasn’t in control any more and didn’t know where it was taking me!
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[/urlI fortunately got a step in the right direction, before I hit rock bottom.
Many situations can be an AV (addictive voice) moment....Deciding whether to feed it or crush it is vital to keeping our sobriety.
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[/urlIf this is your first weekend sober, or many, come join us for support and chat, as we know the weekends can be a struggle sometimes. A new road in the right direction, perhaps?
Ocean Lover!
Join Date: Apr 2018
Location: You know nothing Jon Snow - UK
Posts: 2,604
I’m in! Excuses, I was at an expert level of excuse making but I called them reasons lol. If anyone called them excuses not reasons I would flip my lid and feel super picked on and victimised, no-one understands me, you just don’t get it, your just being a bully / picking on me and so on! I was in the same mindset for the first 4 weeks in rehab, I was defensive to any suggestion that I was choosing to drink as I had good reasons to! I broke after a month and it hit me like a ton of bricks, I cried for a whole day as everything dawned on me, in that moment I found humility and surrendered. xx
Mr
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: FRANCE
Posts: 5,230
Fab OP and title. Thanks Mags.
Glad things are calmer for you Kaily.
And good luck with the dreaded garage Manta... I got plucked recently as well.
Excuses excuses... when I was stuck in it it came to the point where I didn't even think about why didn't need any excuses. Trying to get out of it you do notice the AV playing on happy occasions as easily as sad ones. Now with a little sober time under my belt I feel a kind of an inner smile an inner peace.
Sometimes it's hard not to get side tracked in work or not to take something too badly but it's getting better...
The final of the french rugby championship is on Sat night with my city Toulouse in it. That will be fun.
1.5 super charged days and then it's the weekend.
Glad things are calmer for you Kaily.
And good luck with the dreaded garage Manta... I got plucked recently as well.
Excuses excuses... when I was stuck in it it came to the point where I didn't even think about why didn't need any excuses. Trying to get out of it you do notice the AV playing on happy occasions as easily as sad ones. Now with a little sober time under my belt I feel a kind of an inner smile an inner peace.
Sometimes it's hard not to get side tracked in work or not to take something too badly but it's getting better...
The final of the french rugby championship is on Sat night with my city Toulouse in it. That will be fun.
1.5 super charged days and then it's the weekend.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 5,169
On of my first insights when I was still struggling, was that I drank to relieve the stress of a bad day at work. Then one day it dawned on me that on a good day, I drank to celebrate. That was closely followed by the recognition that this "good day/bad day" crap didn't have anything to do with it.
Sober-T- Dragon
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: Manitoba
Posts: 8,760
Thanks to for the OP Mags. Good post MantaLady, I can nearly imagine what that must've been like.
I was thinking the other day about the first time I had to quit. (Didn't choose, I had to quit). Home from the hospital and I cried. I said, 'All I want is to be able to have a drink now and then'. There was no such thing as 'A drink' for someone like me, and 'Now and Then' meant all the time. I lasted a few months, even managed to stop for a few weeks before each doctors appointment (In case he wanted to send me for blood work). But my heart and head were not in it and eventually my reasoning became 'I need it to survive'.
I was thinking the other day about the first time I had to quit. (Didn't choose, I had to quit). Home from the hospital and I cried. I said, 'All I want is to be able to have a drink now and then'. There was no such thing as 'A drink' for someone like me, and 'Now and Then' meant all the time. I lasted a few months, even managed to stop for a few weeks before each doctors appointment (In case he wanted to send me for blood work). But my heart and head were not in it and eventually my reasoning became 'I need it to survive'.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 771
I’m in!
Omg, I can so relate to this topic. I’m really good at finding excuses to drink:
— it’s the weekend.
— it’s wednesday
— my kid is being a jerk
— there was traffic on my way home
— omg, $3 drinks?! Yes, please.
— it’s 5:00 somewhere
— my boss is a bully
— I deserve it
— I’m happy
— I’m sad
— the weather is great
— the weather sucks
Oh, it didn’t matter. 😂 It’s a relief to be putting all that ridiculousness behind me.
Anyway, this weekend is going to be awesome. I have a lot of fun stuff planned. Have a great day, people!
Omg, I can so relate to this topic. I’m really good at finding excuses to drink:
— it’s the weekend.
— it’s wednesday
— my kid is being a jerk
— there was traffic on my way home
— omg, $3 drinks?! Yes, please.
— it’s 5:00 somewhere
— my boss is a bully
— I deserve it
— I’m happy
— I’m sad
— the weather is great
— the weather sucks
Oh, it didn’t matter. 😂 It’s a relief to be putting all that ridiculousness behind me.
Anyway, this weekend is going to be awesome. I have a lot of fun stuff planned. Have a great day, people!
saoutchik
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London
Posts: 16,200
Hi to anyone who is posting in Weekenders for the first time or maybe the first time in a while.
Back in the day I flat out refused to engage with my heavy drinking. At that time I did most of my drinking at the weekend and rationalized it thus - I socialise and that means I drink. I had lost that excuse by the time I was divorced and living (and drinking) on my own. Then my rationalisation was that I was going to stop tomorrow but tomorrow never came. Thankfully it has now.
Back in the day I flat out refused to engage with my heavy drinking. At that time I did most of my drinking at the weekend and rationalized it thus - I socialise and that means I drink. I had lost that excuse by the time I was divorced and living (and drinking) on my own. Then my rationalisation was that I was going to stop tomorrow but tomorrow never came. Thankfully it has now.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London, England
Posts: 7,059
It took me a very long time to find a reason not to drink. I had gone way beyond needing excuses., It was just what I did, it became me.
Still struggle not to return to that default setting at times but with inner strength and support from all of you, I hopefully never will.
Still struggle not to return to that default setting at times but with inner strength and support from all of you, I hopefully never will.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,424
I'm in and thanks Mags
congrats dpac on shotgun
I had plenty of reasons/ excuses over time, but the biggest one was caregiving my chain-smoking alcoholic mother for a couple of decades. She was constantly in and out of the hospital with pneumonia & breathing issues, breaking bones or smashing out her teeth while drunk, and any number of fun messes I was supposed to drop everything for and clean up. And then she would verbally abuse me for not doing fast enough, good enough, or requesting she be accountable for herself.
Some would say that was a "good" excuse to drink. Certainly, it was when my alcoholism really took off. But in hindsight I see I could have made other choices but didn't.
I choose to engage in a toxic situation, and I chose to suppress the nature healthy urge to get away with booze.
My identity as a "good daughter" was part of it.
My identity as a life-long person who drank was part of it.
At the time, I couldn't or wouldn't see another path.
I learned many lessons, and most of them the hard way.
In the end, I now see my choice was an excuse to not love myself
and do the very best I could to take care of me.
I didn't believe I was worth saving. I grew up feeling guilty my mom was unhappy and drank because of my brother and I. She made a point tell us so frequently when loaded. Then she would be nice and apologize when she sobered up. Mixed messages is a serious understatement of what I lived and what so many children who grow up with alcoholic parents live.
The bottom line was I have felt unsafe and unworthy. I learned not to trust those who were closest to me. It's a pretty solid recipe to create another alcoholic the next generation. That's what the research says happens.
People with who don't leave alcoholic partners "to keep the family together" are really setting up huge problems for their kids down the road.
But in the end, I accept that everyone has burdens to overcome as we grow into adults, and that I used my childhood to excuse my drinking for decades.
But it was an excuse. And when I dropped it and became accountable, everything in my life changed for the better. I just wish I had figured this out earlier.
But if I can, anyone can. Just start where you are, drop the excuses, and do the next right thing. Continue the process.
congrats dpac on shotgun
I had plenty of reasons/ excuses over time, but the biggest one was caregiving my chain-smoking alcoholic mother for a couple of decades. She was constantly in and out of the hospital with pneumonia & breathing issues, breaking bones or smashing out her teeth while drunk, and any number of fun messes I was supposed to drop everything for and clean up. And then she would verbally abuse me for not doing fast enough, good enough, or requesting she be accountable for herself.
Some would say that was a "good" excuse to drink. Certainly, it was when my alcoholism really took off. But in hindsight I see I could have made other choices but didn't.
I choose to engage in a toxic situation, and I chose to suppress the nature healthy urge to get away with booze.
My identity as a "good daughter" was part of it.
My identity as a life-long person who drank was part of it.
At the time, I couldn't or wouldn't see another path.
I learned many lessons, and most of them the hard way.
In the end, I now see my choice was an excuse to not love myself
and do the very best I could to take care of me.
I didn't believe I was worth saving. I grew up feeling guilty my mom was unhappy and drank because of my brother and I. She made a point tell us so frequently when loaded. Then she would be nice and apologize when she sobered up. Mixed messages is a serious understatement of what I lived and what so many children who grow up with alcoholic parents live.
The bottom line was I have felt unsafe and unworthy. I learned not to trust those who were closest to me. It's a pretty solid recipe to create another alcoholic the next generation. That's what the research says happens.
People with who don't leave alcoholic partners "to keep the family together" are really setting up huge problems for their kids down the road.
But in the end, I accept that everyone has burdens to overcome as we grow into adults, and that I used my childhood to excuse my drinking for decades.
But it was an excuse. And when I dropped it and became accountable, everything in my life changed for the better. I just wish I had figured this out earlier.
But if I can, anyone can. Just start where you are, drop the excuses, and do the next right thing. Continue the process.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 850
Ok, so time for a more reflective post.
This topic of excuses and reasons to drink has come up a lot recently, here and at meetings. I too was an expert of finding excuses to drink, but the main reason eludes me. I just did it because that's what I did. I suppose it has to do with past trauma, manifesting into self hatred and the desire to hurt myself, whether consciously or not. After I quit self harming/mutilation, I moved to alcohol. It's just strange because I never made the decision to drink *because* of these things. Maybe if it was that obvious I would have gotten some sense a little sooner.
I thought my life was so bare without it, and I used it to fill the time. The group of friends I had surrounded myself with all drank all the time. It was a defining characteristic of our friend group; something we took pride in and laughed about the next day. I blamed everything in my life on anything but the alcohol. Too tired, couldn't clean my house, too stressed, can't find a partner, body hatred, literally everything. But with some sober time under my belt I can now see that while alcohol wasn't the sole cause of all of the aforementioned issues, it certainly wasn't doing me any favors. Since quitting, I have cleaned a lot more than I ever did drunk, done exercise that actually meant something, felt more at peace, slept better, etc. I cut ties with my alcoholic friends and while I don't have too many IRL close friends, the ones I do have are enough for now. My biweekly therapy sessions are more effective because it's really my brain we're working on, not some alcohol laden pile of mush, my meds are working and I can more accurately see what works and what doesn't as we adjust them.
I'm not sure if anything I just typed has a point and I'm kind of just rambling, but there is literally no valid reason or excuse in the book to pick up a drink. It has taken me sober time to truly realize that. Idk, just kinda wrote what came to mind.
I have a night event tonight for the zoo and then this weekend is my first up in the cash office in my new position. Feeling a lot better than earlier this week and firm in my sobriety. I have a meeting lined up for Friday and I might go out to dinner with my mom for her birthday this weekend, we'll see.
Thanks for reading my novel if you got this far, haha. I hope everyone has a great day, and I'll check back in later.
This topic of excuses and reasons to drink has come up a lot recently, here and at meetings. I too was an expert of finding excuses to drink, but the main reason eludes me. I just did it because that's what I did. I suppose it has to do with past trauma, manifesting into self hatred and the desire to hurt myself, whether consciously or not. After I quit self harming/mutilation, I moved to alcohol. It's just strange because I never made the decision to drink *because* of these things. Maybe if it was that obvious I would have gotten some sense a little sooner.
I thought my life was so bare without it, and I used it to fill the time. The group of friends I had surrounded myself with all drank all the time. It was a defining characteristic of our friend group; something we took pride in and laughed about the next day. I blamed everything in my life on anything but the alcohol. Too tired, couldn't clean my house, too stressed, can't find a partner, body hatred, literally everything. But with some sober time under my belt I can now see that while alcohol wasn't the sole cause of all of the aforementioned issues, it certainly wasn't doing me any favors. Since quitting, I have cleaned a lot more than I ever did drunk, done exercise that actually meant something, felt more at peace, slept better, etc. I cut ties with my alcoholic friends and while I don't have too many IRL close friends, the ones I do have are enough for now. My biweekly therapy sessions are more effective because it's really my brain we're working on, not some alcohol laden pile of mush, my meds are working and I can more accurately see what works and what doesn't as we adjust them.
I'm not sure if anything I just typed has a point and I'm kind of just rambling, but there is literally no valid reason or excuse in the book to pick up a drink. It has taken me sober time to truly realize that. Idk, just kinda wrote what came to mind.
I have a night event tonight for the zoo and then this weekend is my first up in the cash office in my new position.
Feeling a lot better than earlier this week and firm in my sobriety. I have a meeting lined up for Friday and I might go out to dinner with my mom for her birthday this weekend, we'll see. Thanks for reading my novel if you got this far, haha. I hope everyone has a great day, and I'll check back in later.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
I wrote a very long post and stuck it in my OneNote for now.
Great opener, Mags. You got me thinking.
So many excuses. Mine was that it was fun. Full Stop. Then it wasn't.
When it became a burden to me, it was time to stop. I quit the first time in my early thirties and didn't drink for many years so when it started to turn on me this second time - I was OUT. I was starting to have poor judgement and that scared me. Even though most of my drinking was at home where I couldn't get in too much trouble, it was still starting to affect things.
I knew life was good without it. I knew that it was becoming more than "fun" and my mental health was definitely suffering.
in.
Great opener, Mags. You got me thinking.
So many excuses. Mine was that it was fun. Full Stop. Then it wasn't.
When it became a burden to me, it was time to stop. I quit the first time in my early thirties and didn't drink for many years so when it started to turn on me this second time - I was OUT. I was starting to have poor judgement and that scared me. Even though most of my drinking was at home where I couldn't get in too much trouble, it was still starting to affect things.
I knew life was good without it. I knew that it was becoming more than "fun" and my mental health was definitely suffering.
in.
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