Excuses, it’s sunny, Excuses, I’m sad, Excuses and more Excuses! Weekenders 14 - 17 June 2019
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,417
Of course you can love but not like a parent Kaily--that was very true for me and my mother.
We were in and out of the hospital dozens of times, many times life-threatening things like you are dealing with.
It makes one feel powerless and regret every negative thought we had towards our loved one, but it is a cycle of how things often are when we are dealing with aging parents, especially if they haven't chosen to look after themselves well. Also if the emotional baggage of the family still goes on or hasn't been processed. Then it is especially hard.
Self-care really is important right now like Caramel suggests. I found getting some bodywork / massage super helpful during times like you're facing. Half the time I would cry silently through it, tears dripping down to the floor through the face support ring.
Yet afterwords, though drained, I felt so much release.
We are here too--lean on us heavily as needed.
We were in and out of the hospital dozens of times, many times life-threatening things like you are dealing with.
It makes one feel powerless and regret every negative thought we had towards our loved one, but it is a cycle of how things often are when we are dealing with aging parents, especially if they haven't chosen to look after themselves well. Also if the emotional baggage of the family still goes on or hasn't been processed. Then it is especially hard.
Self-care really is important right now like Caramel suggests. I found getting some bodywork / massage super helpful during times like you're facing. Half the time I would cry silently through it, tears dripping down to the floor through the face support ring.
Yet afterwords, though drained, I felt so much release.
We are here too--lean on us heavily as needed.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,647
Kaily- oft have I said someone needs to do something about stuff.
A gut ripping, brain-exploding hilarious, yeah that's what I said HILARIOUS joke.
Q What does a duck have in common with a bike?
A They both have round wheels, except the duck.
A gut ripping, brain-exploding hilarious, yeah that's what I said HILARIOUS joke.
Q What does a duck have in common with a bike?
A They both have round wheels, except the duck.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Kaily, I said a lot of not nice things about my mother when she was alive. Said some after she died, too. I did love her, but man she made it hard. In all fairness, she felt the same about me. It's complicated.
I understand feeling a bit guilty, though. You're human.
Vman, I wish someone would teach me Spanish. Maybe I'll move to Spain and marry someone who speaks Spanish.
I guess Mexico would be easier.
G'night Weekenders. Is the new thread tomorrow? I suppose I can wait and see.
I understand feeling a bit guilty, though. You're human.
Vman, I wish someone would teach me Spanish. Maybe I'll move to Spain and marry someone who speaks Spanish.
I guess Mexico would be easier.
G'night Weekenders. Is the new thread tomorrow? I suppose I can wait and see.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 850
Kaily, my mom is going through the exact same thing taking care of her emotionally abusive mother. It's really hard and just because someone is family by blood doesn't necessarily mean they've earned it. As always, I'm thinking of you, as much as that can do.
I went to my usual meeting today and there were a lot of new people. I hope they come back. The topic was dealing with change, as one guy in the group is moving out of his sober living house and going to his own apartment. We talked about fear of relapse, putting sobriety first, and a bunch of other stuff. It was a really good meeting. I didn't want to go and almost didn't, but forced myself and I'm really glad I did. I talked to the same man who welcomed me back in November the first time I tried to get sober and was having a panic attack. I never forgot about him.
Still feeling emotional but it's okay. I truly appreciate all of you and will never forget this place. I'm not going anywhere for the time being; just wanted to say that.
Can't believe tomorrow is Thursday already! Good night everyone.
I went to my usual meeting today and there were a lot of new people. I hope they come back. The topic was dealing with change, as one guy in the group is moving out of his sober living house and going to his own apartment. We talked about fear of relapse, putting sobriety first, and a bunch of other stuff. It was a really good meeting. I didn't want to go and almost didn't, but forced myself and I'm really glad I did. I talked to the same man who welcomed me back in November the first time I tried to get sober and was having a panic attack. I never forgot about him.
Still feeling emotional but it's okay. I truly appreciate all of you and will never forget this place. I'm not going anywhere for the time being; just wanted to say that.
Can't believe tomorrow is Thursday already! Good night everyone.
Magsie
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 26,644
Morning Weekenders
Kaily, sending positive thoughts, love and best wishes for your dad , you and family. xx
It seems may of us had an emotionally abusive relative. We sometimes didn’t realise how bad until we looked back. I try not to dwell but sometimes, something, a word, a place just brings the memories. I’m forgetting that my mum loved me, on her terms, which when you get of an age, you want to fly the nest. That’s all in the past and where it’s staying.
That ‘rear-view’ mirror only gets a glance now and again.
I’m beginning to think we get the best weather first thing in these parts. It’s a lovely pleasant morning so far.
Have a good day, be back later.
Kaily, sending positive thoughts, love and best wishes for your dad , you and family. xx
It seems may of us had an emotionally abusive relative. We sometimes didn’t realise how bad until we looked back. I try not to dwell but sometimes, something, a word, a place just brings the memories. I’m forgetting that my mum loved me, on her terms, which when you get of an age, you want to fly the nest. That’s all in the past and where it’s staying.
That ‘rear-view’ mirror only gets a glance now and again.
I’m beginning to think we get the best weather first thing in these parts. It’s a lovely pleasant morning so far.
Have a good day, be back later.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London, England
Posts: 7,057
Thanks for all the words of support. I hesitated about posting as I tend to withdraw when things get really bad but so pleased I did. Just me and my dogs at home so it is great to come here.
My Dad is my only parent, my Mum died when I was just a small child.
When you see someone having their heart pumped and about twenty doctors around the bed, the anger and frustration leaves and I guess you become that vulnerable child again clinging on, not wanting to be left alone.
Hope fully things improve today. Thanks again.
My Dad is my only parent, my Mum died when I was just a small child.
When you see someone having their heart pumped and about twenty doctors around the bed, the anger and frustration leaves and I guess you become that vulnerable child again clinging on, not wanting to be left alone.
Hope fully things improve today. Thanks again.
Magsie
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 26,644
Kaily, please don’t hesitate, we’re here to support to, it’s been tough for you losing your mum so young and it’s scary seeing the doctors doing their life saving procedures on your dad or any loved one. You’re not alone here, we’ve got your back. ’s
’s
Magsie
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 26,644
Member
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 5,164
Originally Posted by MLD51 
I had an indoor/outdoor cat once who just disappeared one day. I mourned after a few days when she didn't come back. I assumed the worst. It was awful. A few weeks later she waltzed back in the door like nothing ever happened, looking well-fed and taken care of. Someone must have adopted her or they were at least feeding her. That was the last cat I had who had full freedom like that. She lived with my ex after we divorced (I couldn't have a cat in my apartment) and she lived a long time, going in and out. But she pulled that disappearing act a couple more times after that.
In some way a disappearance was harder to deal with than a death. You keep hoping, but with no payoff at the end of it. There is just no closure.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
