I went out with a friend yesterday. Had a great time, came home in a great mood, and was getting ready to make the family dinner and do all the nightly “mom” stuff.

My husband was sitting in the kitchen, drinking, and talking to me about the upcoming 4th of July plans. For those outside the US, the 4th is ultimately about celebrating our independence, but it is actually a huge drinking holiday. The amount of beer that freely flows at the hometown parades, fireworks, backyard BBQs, etc is insane and it is known that most everyone in public is drunk.

Anyhow, I should have known not to engage as my husband had the telltale lilt to his voice. The lilt that means he’s tipsy and on the road to drunk.

He started telling me about the plans he made with friends for the holiday. How we will be going to a friend’s party and then we will take all of our friends down to the fireworks via his dump trailer. The 10,000 pound dump trailer after a full day of drinking. Pulled into a space crowded with people, children, pets, whatnot.

I told him that was a bad plan and that we should rethink that. I then told him that i wouldn’t be able to attend our friend’s party for the full duration of the event. Last year, I left the same friend’s party early due to the drinking.

Hubby exploded and told me that it’s (my sobriety) been long enough so I should be over it and able to go for the full duration. He then informed me that I have been too selfish about my sobriety and have left him high and dry because a) he doesn’t know what to say to people when I’m not out/not drinking, b) I haven’t factored his feelings into my sobriety and c) I make him look bad to friends and family because I don’t attend all the events like I used to.

WTF?? The situation quickly devolved. I was not kind or calm in my responses and told him I’m no uncertain terms that he has nothing to do with my sobriety and I do not factor him into that equation at all. Hell, if I did, I’d surely be back to drinking already. Told him how unsupportive he has been throughout my journey. Just two weeks ago he informed me that he liked the drinking me better. Geez, thanks a-hole.

We have a counseling session on Saturday so I’m sure all of this will be discussed. After the last big blowout the counselor stated he thought we could be saved and that we could work toward our marriage together.

I feel like the universe, HP, whatever is testing me. I get it, I’m a strong person so how many more times will I need to prove that?

This wont make me drink. I’m firm in my resolve. Im just frustrated, tired, and completely out of patience.

I agree, they are selfish. I don’t support his drinking though. I follow the friends and family forum and have been detaching from him. Typically I don’t engage with him when he’s been drinking, last night I just lost my resolve and engaged.

Tell him good luck with the dump truck, drinking and you won’t pay his bail for his dui. Then tell him the kids are going with family, you’ve booked a yoga, meditation, organic eating retreat for those days and that he can’t go because they won’t be comfortable with drunks. What an ass, I would refuse to go at all and have no part of what will be an obvious disaster.

Thanks August. There are a whole host of issues...

He already knows this, I’ve told him many times. That, of course, makes me “mean”. Ok buddy....

An organic, meditative retreat sounds lovely right about now!

Thanks dpac. Landing here on SR is incredibly helpful.

I get that - I’ve been on that side too. It definitely proves the insanity of alcoholism.

Thanks Anna. I feel like we need to see the counselor everyday for any of this to work...

This made me laugh and cry at the same time. I had a visual of the boxing gloves being thrown down, the crowd roaring, and the fist fight starting.

I think you nailed it on the head through-perhaps the realization that his drinking buddy is 100% for sure gone. The passive-aggressive side of me wants to tell him it’s been long enough, he should get it by now...but alas I will not.

Move forward, I shall...there’s no going back.

Thanks!

Thanks Less and Least. All the support on this forum is a huge contribution to my strength and resolve.

Thanks Venus. I feel like I can do anything and that I will be able to overcome any obstacles put in my path. I’m sure they will crop up sooner rather than later.

Unfortunately we cultivated quite the drinking circle. The friends he is referencing do ask about my non drinking whenever I see them. I don’t see them often anymore for obvious reasons. I do actually like them as people but I do not like them when they are drunk.

I think my my sobriety is causing them to have to face their reality and that’s pretty tough for them to do. Hubby has a big mouth so I’m sure he’s told them all. It’s not something I can control and he can do and say whatever he wants. It sure does impact our marriage though.