Bonnefond87

Over 2 years ago I stopped drinking and have been much happier and healthier. But, you guessed it - thought I could moderate. No I can't and for heaven's sake why would I want to.
My drinking is different to before when it was every night. Now it is more like binge drinking after which I can easily not drink for weeks. So, I have that to build upon.
My specific problem is socialising with my OH which always involves drinking. This is what I need to address. I have to find a way to deal with these occasions. I don't feel stressed or anxious about them but when the wine is opened, I feel compelled (by myself) to drink and drink.
I would like to post more and use any advice you can give me whilst I work this out.

D122y

I still crave after all this time. I rationalize that it is because of whatever, but really it is mental addiction. I crave the buzz for every occasion.

Happy, sad, awkward, passionate, whatever. In my mind the buzz made everything better.

But, really it is the opposite. The real me is still coming out and learning about real life without the cloaking buzz or chemical alteration.

I don't care that much when people I am around are drinking. I can't save them, they have to save themselves. My drinking family and friends think I have a problem because I don't drink. When really, my problem will start when I drink. That is between me and me.

I let them folks poison themselves, I can't save them.

Thanks.

BrianK

Hi Bonne!

The binge every couple weeks was my pattern for a while too. For me I think I'd feel so good compared to how miserable I had been that it seemed like even quite a few drinks would be ok, or at least not "too bad" (it's amazing how drinking changes our description of a "good life" isn't it?)

Reading on here so many people with months and years of sobriety who say, "It keeps getting better" makes me curious to see just how good life can be. Day 9 this time, and 90 days is the most I put together in the last 20 years, so I don't even know what it's like not to drink for a year as an adult. Yet.

I'm single and live alone, so I can't speak to how to deal with temptation when an OH drinks, but as you already know there's plenty on here who have.

Peace, and good luck!!!

sammymaguire

I was a binge drinking/episodic alcoholic. My drinking never went beyond that point. I managed to get myself arrested one night for being drunk and disorderly. You are still in danger even if you dont go back to daily drinking. Be careful out there. Sorry no advice RE your OH.
ps I dont know how you feel about Antabuse. Its a controversial little pill but it has helped some people.Knowing its in your system might help you walk away from temptation but I read about some folks who drank anyway annd became very ill. Only you know whether you would do that or not. I didnt.

Dee74

Welcome back Bonneford

I dunno about other people but I had to change my life in some pretty major ways - that meant socialising in different ways and sometimes socialising with different people, at last for a while until I knew for sure my recovery was strong enough to withstand any situation.

I know being in a relationship makes that harder, but maybe it's something you and your OH need to talk about ?

and...

just a reminder folks that we can share our own first hand experience in a general way but no recommendations for meds for other people please - thats medical advice under our rules and is not allowed.

Thanks

Dee
Administrator
SR

Misssy2

Best of luck on your day 1...I also years ago was a daily drinker when I stopped and this time around I like you can go a couple weeks...think its ok...and then binge for a week or 2....So unhealthy and I thought I was doing "better" by drinking that way.

Funny how I want to fool myself to give excuse to have a drink.

Really not funny I wish you the best and find the people in here to be very helpful and understanding.

Bonnefond87

Thank you. I really appreciate your help.
I did make a lot of life changes - my OH is very sociable - so I planned more picnics, walks, sport etc. It worked for 2 years. But recently I have lost my focus. The problem is with me. If I can accept that I cannot drink ever that will solve the problem. How can I convince myself of this?

sammymaguire

Well what happens when you drink? Try typing it out so it becomes real to you.

Bonnefond87

Thank you Sammy. The bottle (red wine) is opened. I have a glass. Friends have a glass. Then a few more. Then a second bottle is opened. It's usually high end, expensive stuff but I am no longer tasting it. I am watching others drink. My tolerance is quite low compared. And yet it is me who opens the third bottle. My addiction is in charge.

I find writing this and asking for help very difficult

BrianK

I believe this is different for everyone, but to me the word "accept" stood out. Acceptance brings to my mind arms open, hands out, received as a gift, brought in to our very selves to become a part of us.

I've been asking myself a similar question these last 9 days, and part of me still wants to get "zapped" and just be a non-drinker (The old saying comes to mind, "I want patience, AND I WANT IT RIGHT NOW!!!). But what I notice is that the whole idea of living without alcohol is slowly "sinking in." Not like someone poking me in the chest and saying, "Don't do it or else." But each day I feel like I become more of a non-drinker in a way that no one can take away from me.

We can intellectually agree that alcohol is a problem, but the real problem goes deeper than any verbal idea can penetrate. For me it's like trying to propel a sailing ship by blowing on the sail, then complaining the vessel is poorly designed. But those same sails, slack and loose in calm seas, may be suddenly filled with a Wind that can snatch that ship out of the doldrums and take it anywhere.

sammymaguire

Some people can play the tape forward when the wine comes out. They are the success stories. You were obviously one of them for 2 years before you lost your mojo. Is your OH angry with you?

ImNotThatGuy

This might or might not work for you, but it's working for me:

Fake it 'til you make it. 80 percent of our lives run on autopilot, aka the subconscious. It's important. You couldn't drive and hold a conversation without your subconscious making all those quick little decisions for you when you drive. The subconscious is like a subroutine in a computer program that quietly runs in the background, ultimately running the show.

You can reprogram your subconscious mind in a lot of ways. There are hypnosis sessions that plant ideas of how wonderful your life will be sober. I use affirmations a lot. Just tell yourself (verbally say it!) "I do not drink. I'm a non-drinker. I will never drink again. I hate alcohol! I will never drink again. I have no reason to drink." ETC over and over and over again. Eventually your subconscious will take over.

It's the reason sobriety gets easier over time, too, in my opinion.

Best of luck to you. Life is better without drinking.

Bonnefond87

Thankyou Sammy. No not angry at all. He never comments. I think that a small part of him feels guilty because i didnt drink before I met him. Thats crazy of course. Maybe frustrated because it is all or nothing for me.
Thankyou Brian and Imnothatguy . You are right. I do hate it. I am worth more.

Atlast9999

D122y

I don't look at it like I am losing anything.

I have an awareness others don't have.

Folks that drink 1 or 2 bottles per session are on a path of damnation.

Folks that drink 1 or 2 glasses a week crave booze just like anyone.

They suffer, silently, until it is time for their fix.

If they don't get their fix, they suffer more.

Booze is a highly addictive neurotoxin that alters, damages, the brain. The addiction is almost instant for many.

Booze alters dopamine production. Folks need it to feel happy.

I don't need it to feel happy any more. That is why it gets better and better.

It took a couple of years before most things stabilized. Exercise is huge. The endorphins from exercise change the game.

The cleaner we get, the easier the endorphins/dopamine manifest. Basically, we all go through life chasing the buzz....one way or another.

Thanks.

sammymaguire

I cant decide whether it would be better to have an OH who was threatening to leave you or one who wasnt angry. The angry one would make you more accountable but its nice to have unconditional love.
I just couldnt take the embarassment anymore. I will never spend another morning cringing over what I did the night before. Just cant take it anymore.

Dee74

The way i did it was nearly die from my drinking so I don't recommend that and happily its not necessary to do that.

You have a great resource here in SR - not only can you remind yourself about your own past and where drinking took you, but you can read other peoples stories and struggles too.

It is possible to be able to stop breathe and bring up this website when the desire to drink comes upon you.

It's not easy and you probably won't be in a great mood but it can be done.

If you're here posting and reading daily that will make that urge to reach out for help response even more automatic.

There are more things you can do that SR of course - AA, Smart, lifering and other meeting based groups have helped many, as well as doctors counsellors and even some form of rehab.

The more tool you have in your toolbox the less likely you'll be to reach for the bottle.

However much a part of you wants to drink, there's another part of you that knows full well why you shouldn't - feed that part.

It sounds like a lot of effort but I think it's actually less effort than drinking and trying to keep our world together....and it gets easier the more we do it

D