Daytrippin

Hi all,
I'm glad I found this group. I can't do this by myself, I know that now. I've been trying for a few years off and on and my drinking only seems to get progressively worse. I hit the "bottle of wine a day, every day" threshold a few months ago and I'm creeping closer to a bottle and a half and this has to stop. I know that alcoholism is a progressive disease and unfortunately it runs in my family. We are all alcoholics, every last one of us. It has killed a few of us.

Here's my introduction, by way of a list of the current thoughts running around in my head.

1. I am tired of waking up at 3am with a pounding head-ache and not being able to go back to sleep.
   
2. I am tired of sitting in this stupid chair every night drinking until I start to fall asleep or pass out.
   
3. I am tired of trying to remember which store I bought my last bottle at so that I can go to a different store tonight
   
4. I am tired of being ashamed of my recycle bin
   
5. I am tired of wondering if people look at the bags under my eyes and know
   
6. I am tired of lying
   
7. I am tired of the bloat and weight gain
   
8. I am tired of seeing all those debit card transactions at the end of the month that total over $300, sometimes closer to $400
   

I know that I suffer from anxiety and I self-medicate with wine. Wine helps me slow down my thoughts and chill and I need to find another way. Years ago I quit smoking (a pack and a half a day) using an old internet forum on Usenet called alt.quit.smoking I think. It really worked for me, so I'm hoping that this forum will help me the same way.

Thanks for being here and I look forward to learning from all of you.
Daytrippin

Atlast9999

tomls

Welcome! You have made the best move possible by joining us! Read and post as needed, open 24/7. Make your sobriety the most important thing in your life because it is. I look forward to seeing your name on here a lot! Best wishes for you on your journey!

nadt

Hi, Day!!! Welcome! I am just now starting day 5, and I have found this group very helpful! Not only have people been encouraging, but reading the posts and replying is a good way to spend your anxious time when you would be drinking

I have logged on at those 3am times like you talked about....

Congratulations on deciding on a new beginning! We can all get through this together.

MantaLady

Welcome and you’ve definitely stumbled across a great place for support in getting sober. I could have written your post myself a year ago so I totally relate to every single thing you said! It doesn’t have to be that way, you deserve better for yourself and it’s absolutely possible to break those chains. Glad you found us x

Rainman1

Welcome Daytrippin, Your not alone, I could relate with all your bullet points as most in here can. I can't say enough about the SR family, We're here for ya, keep coming back.

dpac414

Ghostlight1

Hello and welcome, Daytrippin.
You have indeed found a great place for support.
I got tired of all the things you noted and more.
Puking every morning trying to get the first drink down, laying in bed all day wondering how I could have done this to myself again and the debilitating anxiety, regret and withdrawal.

I know how you feel. I lived like that the last ten years of my drinking.
Ten years, wasted Literally and figuratively.
And yes, alcoholism is progressive. I couldn't believe where I ended up.
Drunk or recovering from another day and night of drinking. Farting into the same cushion on the couch for ten years. Alone. Drunk. Lost in a nether world of my own creating. Afraid to pass out because I knew what awaited me in the morning. Shooters of whiskey at eight thirty in the morning to stave them off.

Yes, I understand. And I think many here can, too.
So welcome. You're among friends and cohorts. and remember, you never have to drink again.

CincyFin

I couldn't do it by myself. Hell, I couldn't do it without inpatient rehab...3 TIMES. Stay strong, go to some AA meetings and just concentrate on not drinking today.

fini

yes, turned out i couldn't do it by myself, either. though i most certainly tried, over and over.
your list is familiar
welcome to you.

BrianK

Welcome! I have yet to run in to someone who says, "Sure I got sober with help, but I wish I had done it alone!" But that sure is what the enemy wants us to think. Like it "doesn't count" if we need help. I was tired of all those things on your list too. Someone actually had to explain to me that the fact that I was tired of it meant that some part of me intuitively knew there was a better way to live. But it was one of those simple ideas that stuck to my soul. I've slipped since then and tried to ignore it, and am on Day 6 now, but I think deep down we all want that better life, and sometimes we need someone to just wave the flag at us, like your list, and just make it clear and simple.

Thanks for sharing and hope to keep hearing from you!

least

Welcome to the family. You'll find lots of support here.

Hawkeye13

Glad you are here--yes, that list has many familiar points to me also.

Getting good deep healthy sleep and no insomnia is one of my favorite benefits of sobriety. I drank to fall asleep, and in fact it turned out that the alcohol was the source of the insomnia and waking up at 2, 3, 4, 5 am in the first place.

What's the plan for stopping, and for dealing with the cravings during your usual "drinking time"?

Daytrippin

I'm afraid I haven't worked up the courage yet to go to a meeting. I bookmarked the schedule though so I suppose that is a start. I don't know why I am so afraid to just do it. Maybe because they are all in churches (I feel the same way about churches that some people feel about hospitals), or maybe I'm afraid of seeing someone I know. Or maybe its just because that means it's real. I'm working on that.

Thank you for your kind words and support!!

Daytrippin

My plan so far is to throw myself out of the house (get out and go for a walk or go for a bike ride) or throw myself into my work (always tons to do) or fire up the blender for a homemade smoothie.

I need more suggestions for sure. One thing I remember from quitting smoking is that substituting only works for the short term. I gave myself canker sores with all the hard candy but it got me over the physical part of the nicotine addition. What do I do with this demon? I have a feeling he won't be fooled as easily.

I am trying mindfulness as an exercise, haven't quite worked up to meditation yet. For the last few weeks I have been hyper-aware of cravings that hit me out of nowhere and I tried to make a list of those times. I also tried to walk back the thought to see what may have triggered it and I've got a small list. I know I can't "think" my way out of this though - I've been drinking/quitting/drinking/quitting long enough to realize that this isn't something you can tack on the fridge and check off like a list of exercises at the gym.

Sorry for rambling but your question is a good one and I don't know what the best answer for me is. What was the best answer for you, if you don't mind me asking?

Thank you for your kind words and warm welcome.
D.

ImNotThatGuy

Hi, Daytrippin, and welcome! You'll find a lot of people here who can relate to your experience. It's hard to get sober and stay sober. I'm only a few weeks in myself, but I am already grateful to be putting that life a little further in the rearview mirror with each day.

I think the most important thing is to have a plan and to resolve to never drink again. You've already quit smoking so you know somewhat what to expect in terms of dealing with cravings. You'll do fine with this once you form a plan and stick to it.

ThatWasTheOldMe

I can answer number 5 for you:
People know. They can see it in your face and your anxiety is probably a dead giveaway.

But that's all the reason to quit. Everyone will notice that you don't look like death anymore

Misssy2

Hi..I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired also.
I quit 11 days ago...I wish you the best with this...it aint easy that is for sure.

lessgravity

Welcome.

It's funny how each of us drunks think we are special - and yet the booze does the same to us all - like many, I could have written your first post myself in my last years of drinking. What a brutal waste it is. Such suffering too.

Nice on you for getting here. Sounds like you have the makings of a plan. AA works for many, have you also looked into AVRT or Rational Recovery? RR was the base on which I built my permanent sobriety.

Stick around, keep posting, read a lot here - this place might just get you sober.

fini

“ Or maybe its just because that means it's real.“
for me, that was EXACTLY the reason i went to my first meeting. it was a Lifering Secular Recovery meeting, and i knew i needed to go, to make it really real for myself. i hated the whole idea of going. to meet “those people”. to be one of “those people”. to have to listen to whatever crappy stuff they would spout.

boy was i wrong!

couldn’t wait for the next meeting, which was a week away! went for all meetings i could, even started one with a newly-found buddy.
yep, going to a meeting can have a whole bunch of unforeseen results

making it as real as i could possibly make it and driving that knowledge deep down was the start of ongoing sobriety for me. so i highly recommend it