Level 1 pissed hope i don't get to Level 5
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Join Date: Jun 2019
Posts: 290
At least you're taking a sober approach and saying, "This isn't working" and not just walking away or crawling back into the bottle. I've got some changes to make in my life on a MUCH smaller level, but one thing I've come to realize is that very few of my decisions have to be permanent. It's ok to try a different schedule or approach for a while, see how it works for everyone, and adjust from there. So you don't have to say "I'm taking this day off from now on and that's the way it is." Maybe, "I need to try taking this day for a while. I hope you understand." Even though you have every right to set concrete boundaries, the less he sees them as boundaries, the less he might feel like a burden and more of a cooperative party to the decision.
Of course I don't know you're situation close enough to advise! But that sense of "let's just try something" has been helpful to me in making some changes where I'm not 100% sure what to do, so wanted to offer what I could. Good luck!
Of course I don't know you're situation close enough to advise! But that sense of "let's just try something" has been helpful to me in making some changes where I'm not 100% sure what to do, so wanted to offer what I could. Good luck!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Warwick RI
Posts: 1,276
Originally Posted by BrianK 
At least you're taking a sober approach and saying, "This isn't working" and not just walking away or crawling back into the bottle. I've got some changes to make in my life on a MUCH smaller level, but one thing I've come to realize is that very few of my decisions have to be permanent. It's ok to try a different schedule or approach for a while, see how it works for everyone, and adjust from there. So you don't have to say "I'm taking this day off from now on and that's the way it is." Maybe, "I need to try taking this day for a while. I hope you understand." Even though you have every right to set concrete boundaries, the less he sees them as boundaries, the less he might feel like a burden and more of a cooperative party to the decision.
Of course I don't know you're situation close enough to advise! But that sense of "let's just try something" has been helpful to me in making some changes where I'm not 100% sure what to do, so wanted to offer what I could. Good luck!
Of course I don't know you're situation close enough to advise! But that sense of "let's just try something" has been helpful to me in making some changes where I'm not 100% sure what to do, so wanted to offer what I could. Good luck!
Thanks BrianK...I did tell my Dad today that after church tomorrow I am going to the local beach....(I would rather go to a better beach but...).....He is welcome to come...being WITH him doesn't bother me as much as being trapped in his house because he doesn't want to do anything....except food shop.
So after church...which can be 3-4 hours depending on how many of the people want to chat afterwards...I am going to the beach....Dad or no Dad
...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Warwick RI
Posts: 1,276
Originally Posted by entropy1964
My parents both have dementia and not the kind where they can be alone at all. I have a brother living with them now, lots of outside help, and he's still falling apart. I was planning to move there in September but realize I was putting myself in the absolute worst situation for me. I mean, horrible...for so many reasons. So I get a little bit where you are. I was there for 3 weeks in March and that was rough. Going again on the 12th and then again on the 9th of July. Then, I'm done. I'll visit...but with a kid starting Uni I'm ready to actually do something for myself, like re-focus on my career.
This is forcing the family to make decisions that no one wanted to make because I was going to 'swoop in' and be the hero. My stepping back and saying "He!! NO" is forcing necessary change. Its hard but it has to happen.
Sounds like you can leave your Dad a bit. You don't live there. Set those boundaries, force change. Its ok.
This is forcing the family to make decisions that no one wanted to make because I was going to 'swoop in' and be the hero. My stepping back and saying "He!! NO" is forcing necessary change. Its hard but it has to happen.
Sounds like you can leave your Dad a bit. You don't live there. Set those boundaries, force change. Its ok.
cause I don't think you would be able to leave either (like your brother) if you were there all the time.The dementia patients put a lot of pressure on us Caregivers to be around...so much that we can't have fun when away....
I am 55 and that is the reason I am so mad...it IS time to focus on me...and I have been thru a lot and have a pretty devestating diagnosis myself....and I want to live my life too....but I can't....but with the help of you and others...I am at least going to the beach tomorrow instead of hanging around after church.
So thank you for your support.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Warwick RI
Posts: 1,276
Originally Posted by nadt
Enjoy the beach tomorrow! You deserve it!!
Let us know tomorrow...if it is better...saying a prayer for you tonight that it IS better tomorrow.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 3,027
Originally Posted by entropy1964
My parents both have dementia and not the kind where they can be alone at all. I have a brother living with them now, lots of outside help, and he's still falling apart. I was planning to move there in September but realize I was putting myself in the absolute worst situation for me. I mean, horrible...for so many reasons. So I get a little bit where you are. I was there for 3 weeks in March and that was rough. Going again on the 12th and then again on the 9th of July. Then, I'm done. I'll visit...but with a kid starting Uni I'm ready to actually do something for myself, like re-focus on my career.
This is forcing the family to make decisions that no one wanted to make because I was going to 'swoop in' and be the hero. My stepping back and saying "He!! NO" is forcing necessary change. Its hard but it has to happen.
Sounds like you can leave your Dad a bit. You don't live there. Set those boundaries, force change. Its ok.
This is forcing the family to make decisions that no one wanted to make because I was going to 'swoop in' and be the hero. My stepping back and saying "He!! NO" is forcing necessary change. Its hard but it has to happen.
Sounds like you can leave your Dad a bit. You don't live there. Set those boundaries, force change. Its ok.
There is very little value in running yourself into the ground with parents who have dementia. I have experience with this professionally: the best circumstance 99 percent of the time is to find a good place for them to go. Memory care, board and care, skilled nursing...it’s an extremely demanding condition to live with 24 hours a day seven days a week and people need to be paid to do it or they become emotionally and physically empty. Drained. Your brother shouldn’t be dealing with this alone, even with some respite here and there.
Consider getting a referral for a medical social worker to assist in working it out with their assets in order to afford appropriate placement. It’s worth it. You can all visit, instead of being caregivers in a hopeless situation.
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: here, now.
Posts: 1,236
I know there are places you can call in RI, because I have had two family members in that state develop dementia. In fact, not calling is actually a bad idea. If you’re father is a potential danger to himself you MUST call for help. As someone who has symptoms that are somewhat developed, as you’ve described them, he isn’t sound to decide he doesn’t want help. You don’t want to have to answer these questions from a social worker after he has done something harmful to himself. You have agency and he doesn’t. Own it.
RI is pretty good at this stuff, actually.
RI is pretty good at this stuff, actually.
D♭7♭9♯9♯11♭13
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 336
Originally Posted by Stayingsassy
This is a hijack because this is Missy’s thread, but maybe missy can gain something from it.
There is very little value in running yourself into the ground with parents who have dementia. I have experience with this professionally: the best circumstance 99 percent of the time is to find a good place for them to go. Memory care, board and care, skilled nursing...it’s an extremely demanding condition to live with 24 hours a day seven days a week and people need to be paid to do it or they become emotionally and physically empty. Drained. Your brother shouldn’t be dealing with this alone, even with some respite here and there.
Consider getting a referral for a medical social worker to assist in working it out with their assets in order to afford appropriate placement. It’s worth it. You can all visit, instead of being caregivers in a hopeless situation.
There is very little value in running yourself into the ground with parents who have dementia. I have experience with this professionally: the best circumstance 99 percent of the time is to find a good place for them to go. Memory care, board and care, skilled nursing...it’s an extremely demanding condition to live with 24 hours a day seven days a week and people need to be paid to do it or they become emotionally and physically empty. Drained. Your brother shouldn’t be dealing with this alone, even with some respite here and there.
Consider getting a referral for a medical social worker to assist in working it out with their assets in order to afford appropriate placement. It’s worth it. You can all visit, instead of being caregivers in a hopeless situation.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 104
Hi Missy
Just to say hope you are doing OK - tough times having lost your sisister, challenges with your Dad all as well as overcoming alcohol. Not sure I have anything sensible to add, you seem to be actively addressing many things, great you are working out tools and techniques like latte night solitaire. Hard though it is, also really good you are recognising when you are on level 1, that knowledge in itself will help you stop it escalating too much.
Just wanted share sympathy (my mum has dementia) and support.
Have a good time at the beach
Just to say hope you are doing OK - tough times having lost your sisister, challenges with your Dad all as well as overcoming alcohol. Not sure I have anything sensible to add, you seem to be actively addressing many things, great you are working out tools and techniques like latte night solitaire. Hard though it is, also really good you are recognising when you are on level 1, that knowledge in itself will help you stop it escalating too much.
Just wanted share sympathy (my mum has dementia) and support.
Have a good time at the beach
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Warwick RI
Posts: 1,276
Originally Posted by NessunDorma
Hi Missy
Just to say hope you are doing OK - tough times having lost your sisister, challenges with your Dad all as well as overcoming alcohol. Not sure I have anything sensible to add, you seem to be actively addressing many things, great you are working out tools and techniques like latte night solitaire. Hard though it is, also really good you are recognising when you are on level 1, that knowledge in itself will help you stop it escalating too much.
Just wanted share sympathy (my mum has dementia) and support.
Have a good time at the beach
Just to say hope you are doing OK - tough times having lost your sisister, challenges with your Dad all as well as overcoming alcohol. Not sure I have anything sensible to add, you seem to be actively addressing many things, great you are working out tools and techniques like latte night solitaire. Hard though it is, also really good you are recognising when you are on level 1, that knowledge in itself will help you stop it escalating too much.
Just wanted share sympathy (my mum has dementia) and support.
Have a good time at the beach
I'm so beaten and broken from everything...mostly the alcohol...that its going to be hard to even have the motivation to go to the beach after church...but I WILL get there....because if I get home at 1pm feeling sorry for myself....God only knows what could happen.
Sundays were always a "good" day for me to try and get away with drinking...because I would leave my Dad after church (the only day I could leave him early for some reason he is done with me after church)...LOL...every other day he wants me to never leave.
So most of my binges start on a Sunday...because Monday my son goes to work and I could wake up and yell at myself and moan and groan and go to liquor store if I wanted to...to "prime" myself for the day.....
So I WILL go to the beach and it will be another notch for me in my sobriety PRIDE of almost 2 weeks now...11 days today....
Thank you for your support.
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
Missy- I'm just piping in on 2 things:
Level 5 I will drink for sure.
I know you said differently in other posts- but this thought led your OP and is still that present. I've got to agree with your son's words here. Be careful on the levels- and categorizing ANYTHING as what will "make you drink for sure."
And....taking care of myself and saying NO to these major emotional things seems impossible, ridiculous, cruel, selfish...so many words we can't stand. I'm at the very early stages of this possible process with my parents, for my dad.
But the only way I can never drink again, with certainty, is to make my recovery first before Anything. Else. Or. Anyone. Else - ever and always. No is a complete sentence and it can be done with compassion here.
You know too well that this disease kills from losing your sister and more. I'm glad you are sharing all these threads- and I know very well how the "bouncing around" in early sobriety is tough and very real. You've said it: staying sober is the only way you can do this whole life thing, literally and practically.
Keep going.
Level 5 I will drink for sure.
I know you said differently in other posts- but this thought led your OP and is still that present. I've got to agree with your son's words here. Be careful on the levels- and categorizing ANYTHING as what will "make you drink for sure."
And....taking care of myself and saying NO to these major emotional things seems impossible, ridiculous, cruel, selfish...so many words we can't stand. I'm at the very early stages of this possible process with my parents, for my dad.
But the only way I can never drink again, with certainty, is to make my recovery first before Anything. Else. Or. Anyone. Else - ever and always. No is a complete sentence and it can be done with compassion here.
You know too well that this disease kills from losing your sister and more. I'm glad you are sharing all these threads- and I know very well how the "bouncing around" in early sobriety is tough and very real. You've said it: staying sober is the only way you can do this whole life thing, literally and practically.
Keep going.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Wareham, Mass
Posts: 7,067
Hi, Misssy.
I agree with August that in order to stay sober, we have to put that goal front and center.
In my own experience, it is so easy to get sidelined by stress and worry.
I missed how long you have been sober. If it’s early days, please hang in.
It gets better the longer you work those sober muscles.
Meditation is a great way to get out of your worry cycle.
So is physical exercise and open air.
There isn’t anything so bad for me that a walk won’t help ease.
I also listen to a recovery podcast, Since Right Now, with 3 guys with years of recovery among them.
I love their perspectives.
I can relate to your concern about your dad. My mom has dementia too.
She is, for the moment, in her own home, but needs a wellness check every day.
I moved back to the area to be able to help her, but what started as a happy obligation has become, alas, drudgery.
I have, over the years, set some boundaries with her and my alcohol addict brother, who lives with her.
1. I limit my time there. I make sure she is okay, has taken her meds, has food and that nothing is wrong with the house. Then I am gone.
2. I accept help when it is offered or I ask when I need help. Fortunately, my spouse, who has a lot more patience than I do, will take over the wellness visit for me several days a week. My other brother is a help, too. He lives farther away, so not around as much as I would like.
3. I have learned not to try to fix everything. Sometimes my brother gets drunk and falls and spends a fair amount of time on the floor, which makes mom mad and upset.
I can’t fix this. I listen for a bit, then leave. He will get up eventually.
Lest this sounds cruel to mom, she has had several opportunities to offload my brother from her life and either hasn’t taken them or has actively lobbied to get him back living with her.
Sad reality, but there it is.
I don’t have answers for your situation. Going into care for your dad will be hard. No one wants to go, nursing homes/assisted living facilities are extremely expensive unless you can get some sort of subsidy.
Where I live in southeast Mass., there are good facilities and not very good. In fact, 3 substandard facilities recently closed.
I have found a place that seems good, though it’s hard to tell from one or two tours. It’s 7,000 dollars a month. Mom could live there on her savings for a few years.
I would, were I you, work toward spending less time at your dad’s house, for your own sanity.
And I would try to talk to someone about the guilt that is ripping you up.
Peace.
I agree with August that in order to stay sober, we have to put that goal front and center.
In my own experience, it is so easy to get sidelined by stress and worry.
I missed how long you have been sober. If it’s early days, please hang in.
It gets better the longer you work those sober muscles.
Meditation is a great way to get out of your worry cycle.
So is physical exercise and open air.
There isn’t anything so bad for me that a walk won’t help ease.
I also listen to a recovery podcast, Since Right Now, with 3 guys with years of recovery among them.
I love their perspectives.
I can relate to your concern about your dad. My mom has dementia too.
She is, for the moment, in her own home, but needs a wellness check every day.
I moved back to the area to be able to help her, but what started as a happy obligation has become, alas, drudgery.
I have, over the years, set some boundaries with her and my alcohol addict brother, who lives with her.
1. I limit my time there. I make sure she is okay, has taken her meds, has food and that nothing is wrong with the house. Then I am gone.
2. I accept help when it is offered or I ask when I need help. Fortunately, my spouse, who has a lot more patience than I do, will take over the wellness visit for me several days a week. My other brother is a help, too. He lives farther away, so not around as much as I would like.
3. I have learned not to try to fix everything. Sometimes my brother gets drunk and falls and spends a fair amount of time on the floor, which makes mom mad and upset.
I can’t fix this. I listen for a bit, then leave. He will get up eventually.
Lest this sounds cruel to mom, she has had several opportunities to offload my brother from her life and either hasn’t taken them or has actively lobbied to get him back living with her.
Sad reality, but there it is.
I don’t have answers for your situation. Going into care for your dad will be hard. No one wants to go, nursing homes/assisted living facilities are extremely expensive unless you can get some sort of subsidy.
Where I live in southeast Mass., there are good facilities and not very good. In fact, 3 substandard facilities recently closed.
I have found a place that seems good, though it’s hard to tell from one or two tours. It’s 7,000 dollars a month. Mom could live there on her savings for a few years.
I would, were I you, work toward spending less time at your dad’s house, for your own sanity.
And I would try to talk to someone about the guilt that is ripping you up.
Peace.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,429
I nearly destroyed myself trying to be the sole caregiver of my alcoholic and sick mother.
My drinking exploded as a result of the stress.
You really have to get some outside support whatever your Dad says he wants or needs,
or this will continue to build emotionally and physically until you collapse from it. You already sound scraped very thin.
What you are doing is not sustainable Misssy--Believe me, I lived it.
I know it seems impossible, but you have to step back.
I understand the guilt, but you are the only one who can take care of you.
What about some counseling, and at least checking on local elder care resources in your community?
Most places have senior advocates--maybe talk with one and share your situation and see what additional help your dad my qualify for.
I hope you do go to the beach today and relax a bit. You very much deserve it and much more.
My drinking exploded as a result of the stress.
You really have to get some outside support whatever your Dad says he wants or needs,
or this will continue to build emotionally and physically until you collapse from it. You already sound scraped very thin.
What you are doing is not sustainable Misssy--Believe me, I lived it.
I know it seems impossible, but you have to step back.
I understand the guilt, but you are the only one who can take care of you.
What about some counseling, and at least checking on local elder care resources in your community?
Most places have senior advocates--maybe talk with one and share your situation and see what additional help your dad my qualify for.
I hope you do go to the beach today and relax a bit. You very much deserve it and much more.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Wareham, Mass
Posts: 7,067
Hawkeye is correct, Misssy. There are resources out there.
My mom is a client of an elderly services organization that provides her with meals on wheels 5 days a week and, until she clashed with my addict sib one too many times and left us (can’t blame her. My sib is an a**)an amazing caregiver/housekeeper twice a week.
But you too are correct. The elderly don’t like the intrusion of another person who isn’t family into their lives and homes. My elderly mil is the same way.
But.....IMO, you can’t continue on as you are. You need help.
I get that your sister has her life to lead with all its challenges, but you need help.
Whether it comes from her or an outside person, please look into getting some assistance with your father or, as I stated in an earlier post, spending less time there for your own sanity.
Or both.
My mom is a client of an elderly services organization that provides her with meals on wheels 5 days a week and, until she clashed with my addict sib one too many times and left us (can’t blame her. My sib is an a**)an amazing caregiver/housekeeper twice a week.
But you too are correct. The elderly don’t like the intrusion of another person who isn’t family into their lives and homes. My elderly mil is the same way.
But.....IMO, you can’t continue on as you are. You need help.
I get that your sister has her life to lead with all its challenges, but you need help.
Whether it comes from her or an outside person, please look into getting some assistance with your father or, as I stated in an earlier post, spending less time there for your own sanity.
Or both.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Warwick RI
Posts: 1,276
Originally Posted by August252015
Missy- I'm just piping in on 2 things:
Level 5 I will drink for sure.
I know you said differently in other posts- but this thought led your OP and is still that present. I've got to agree with your son's words here. Be careful on the levels- and categorizing ANYTHING as what will "make you drink for sure."
And....taking care of myself and saying NO to these major emotional things seems impossible, ridiculous, cruel, selfish...so many words we can't stand. I'm at the very early stages of this possible process with my parents, for my dad.
But the only way I can never drink again, with certainty, is to make my recovery first before Anything. Else. Or. Anyone. Else - ever and always. No is a complete sentence and it can be done with compassion here.
You know too well that this disease kills from losing your sister and more. I'm glad you are sharing all these threads- and I know very well how the "bouncing around" in early sobriety is tough and very real. You've said it: staying sober is the only way you can do this whole life thing, literally and practically.
Keep going.
Level 5 I will drink for sure.
I know you said differently in other posts- but this thought led your OP and is still that present. I've got to agree with your son's words here. Be careful on the levels- and categorizing ANYTHING as what will "make you drink for sure."
And....taking care of myself and saying NO to these major emotional things seems impossible, ridiculous, cruel, selfish...so many words we can't stand. I'm at the very early stages of this possible process with my parents, for my dad.
But the only way I can never drink again, with certainty, is to make my recovery first before Anything. Else. Or. Anyone. Else - ever and always. No is a complete sentence and it can be done with compassion here.
You know too well that this disease kills from losing your sister and more. I'm glad you are sharing all these threads- and I know very well how the "bouncing around" in early sobriety is tough and very real. You've said it: staying sober is the only way you can do this whole life thing, literally and practically.
Keep going.
Thank you for your support.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Warwick RI
Posts: 1,276
Originally Posted by Maudcat
Hi, Misssy.
I agree with August that in order to stay sober, we have to put that goal front and center.
In my own experience, it is so easy to get sidelined by stress and worry.
I missed how long you have been sober. If it’s early days, please hang in.
It gets better the longer you work those sober muscles.
Meditation is a great way to get out of your worry cycle.
So is physical exercise and open air.
There isn’t anything so bad for me that a walk won’t help ease.
I also listen to a recovery podcast, Since Right Now, with 3 guys with years of recovery among them.
I love their perspectives.
I can relate to your concern about your dad. My mom has dementia too.
She is, for the moment, in her own home, but needs a wellness check every day.
I moved back to the area to be able to help her, but what started as a happy obligation has become, alas, drudgery.
I have, over the years, set some boundaries with her and my alcohol addict brother, who lives with her.
1. I limit my time there. I make sure she is okay, has taken her meds, has food and that nothing is wrong with the house. Then I am gone.
2. I accept help when it is offered or I ask when I need help. Fortunately, my spouse, who has a lot more patience than I do, will take over the wellness visit for me several days a week. My other brother is a help, too. He lives farther away, so not around as much as I would like.
3. I have learned not to try to fix everything. Sometimes my brother gets drunk and falls and spends a fair amount of time on the floor, which makes mom mad and upset.
I can’t fix this. I listen for a bit, then leave. He will get up eventually.
Lest this sounds cruel to mom, she has had several opportunities to offload my brother from her life and either hasn’t taken them or has actively lobbied to get him back living with her.
Sad reality, but there it is.
I don’t have answers for your situation. Going into care for your dad will be hard. No one wants to go, nursing homes/assisted living facilities are extremely expensive unless you can get some sort of subsidy.
Where I live in southeast Mass., there are good facilities and not very good. In fact, 3 substandard facilities recently closed.
I have found a place that seems good, though it’s hard to tell from one or two tours. It’s 7,000 dollars a month. Mom could live there on her savings for a few years.
I would, were I you, work toward spending less time at your dad’s house, for your own sanity.
And I would try to talk to someone about the guilt that is ripping you up.
Peace.
I agree with August that in order to stay sober, we have to put that goal front and center.
In my own experience, it is so easy to get sidelined by stress and worry.
I missed how long you have been sober. If it’s early days, please hang in.
It gets better the longer you work those sober muscles.
Meditation is a great way to get out of your worry cycle.
So is physical exercise and open air.
There isn’t anything so bad for me that a walk won’t help ease.
I also listen to a recovery podcast, Since Right Now, with 3 guys with years of recovery among them.
I love their perspectives.
I can relate to your concern about your dad. My mom has dementia too.
She is, for the moment, in her own home, but needs a wellness check every day.
I moved back to the area to be able to help her, but what started as a happy obligation has become, alas, drudgery.
I have, over the years, set some boundaries with her and my alcohol addict brother, who lives with her.
1. I limit my time there. I make sure she is okay, has taken her meds, has food and that nothing is wrong with the house. Then I am gone.
2. I accept help when it is offered or I ask when I need help. Fortunately, my spouse, who has a lot more patience than I do, will take over the wellness visit for me several days a week. My other brother is a help, too. He lives farther away, so not around as much as I would like.
3. I have learned not to try to fix everything. Sometimes my brother gets drunk and falls and spends a fair amount of time on the floor, which makes mom mad and upset.
I can’t fix this. I listen for a bit, then leave. He will get up eventually.
Lest this sounds cruel to mom, she has had several opportunities to offload my brother from her life and either hasn’t taken them or has actively lobbied to get him back living with her.
Sad reality, but there it is.
I don’t have answers for your situation. Going into care for your dad will be hard. No one wants to go, nursing homes/assisted living facilities are extremely expensive unless you can get some sort of subsidy.
Where I live in southeast Mass., there are good facilities and not very good. In fact, 3 substandard facilities recently closed.
I have found a place that seems good, though it’s hard to tell from one or two tours. It’s 7,000 dollars a month. Mom could live there on her savings for a few years.
I would, were I you, work toward spending less time at your dad’s house, for your own sanity.
And I would try to talk to someone about the guilt that is ripping you up.
Peace.
I simply can not process anything right at the moment...to respond...but I did read it all...and I am processing it....I just don't have "words" today.....
Thank you again for your support.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Warwick RI
Posts: 1,276
Originally Posted by Maudcat
Hawkeye is correct, Misssy. There are resources out there.
My mom is a client of an elderly services organization that provides her with meals on wheels 5 days a week and, until she clashed with my addict sib one too many times and left us (can’t blame her. My sib is an a**)an amazing caregiver/housekeeper twice a week.
But you too are correct. The elderly don’t like the intrusion of another person who isn’t family into their lives and homes. My elderly mil is the same way.
But.....IMO, you can’t continue on as you are. You need help.
I get that your sister has her life to lead with all its challenges, but you need help.
Whether it comes from her or an outside person, please look into getting some assistance with your father or, as I stated in an earlier post, spending less time there for your own sanity.
Or both.
My mom is a client of an elderly services organization that provides her with meals on wheels 5 days a week and, until she clashed with my addict sib one too many times and left us (can’t blame her. My sib is an a**)an amazing caregiver/housekeeper twice a week.
But you too are correct. The elderly don’t like the intrusion of another person who isn’t family into their lives and homes. My elderly mil is the same way.
But.....IMO, you can’t continue on as you are. You need help.
I get that your sister has her life to lead with all its challenges, but you need help.
Whether it comes from her or an outside person, please look into getting some assistance with your father or, as I stated in an earlier post, spending less time there for your own sanity.
Or both.
Life is simply just too hard.....right now...I know it will get better as long as I continue to NOT drink....
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Originally Posted by Hawkeye13
I nearly destroyed myself trying to be the sole caregiver of my alcoholic and sick mother.
My drinking exploded as a result of the stress.
You really have to get some outside support whatever your Dad says he wants or needs,
or this will continue to build emotionally and physically until you collapse from it. You already sound scraped very thin.
What you are doing is not sustainable Misssy--Believe me, I lived it.
I know it seems impossible, but you have to step back.
I understand the guilt, but you are the only one who can take care of you.
What about some counseling, and at least checking on local elder care resources in your community?
Most places have senior advocates--maybe talk with one and share your situation and see what additional help your dad my qualify for.
I hope you do go to the beach today and relax a bit. You very much deserve it and much more.
My drinking exploded as a result of the stress.
You really have to get some outside support whatever your Dad says he wants or needs,
or this will continue to build emotionally and physically until you collapse from it. You already sound scraped very thin.
What you are doing is not sustainable Misssy--Believe me, I lived it.
I know it seems impossible, but you have to step back.
I understand the guilt, but you are the only one who can take care of you.
What about some counseling, and at least checking on local elder care resources in your community?
Most places have senior advocates--maybe talk with one and share your situation and see what additional help your dad my qualify for.
I hope you do go to the beach today and relax a bit. You very much deserve it and much more.
No...I have Frontal Temporal...not attributed to one specific thing...and it accounts for many of my mood swings that were diagnosed incorrectly as bipolar for a couple years.
I refused to accept that label....not because there is anything wrong with being bipolar (my Mother and sister are)....and because they are..I know what Bipolar looks like...
My life took a sudden change about 5 years ago....before I started drinking again....and I didn't know what was wrong with me.....fits of rage...trouble at work....and this is when they started telling me Bipolar...no...I have FTD which mimics Bipolar (just found out a month before my sister died).
And today I am very lethargic and sad...and just don't have words.
All that just to say..yes, I have Drs...and counselors....LOL...
Oh boy.
Thank you.
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