Ready to try for real
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2019
Posts: 29
Ready to try for real
If at 15 I could see all the things that I’ve done while drinking, I would think I was in the middle of a nightmare. Unfortunately I’ve just grown used to the missed opportunities, horrible shame and social embarrassment, and agonizing hangovers.
Of course, one or two days after the fact, that horrible thing I did that was finally going to push me to sobriety doesn’t seem all that horrible. I laugh it off as just one of those funny drinking stories, I move on, and I get drunk again.
Not this time!
Of course, one or two days after the fact, that horrible thing I did that was finally going to push me to sobriety doesn’t seem all that horrible. I laugh it off as just one of those funny drinking stories, I move on, and I get drunk again.
Not this time!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2019
Posts: 29
This last time I texted a friend (who’s been a bit of an obsession of mine) that something awful had happened to my health. When I’m drunk I crave attention even in the form of pity.
This horrible lie is probably the end of our friendship; I can’t stand to admit what I said, so unfortunately I think I’m going to just cut off connection.
This horrible lie is probably the end of our friendship; I can’t stand to admit what I said, so unfortunately I think I’m going to just cut off connection.
Glad you are here.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,564
Hi Kevin! I'm so glad you made the decision to quit. Life will be so much better without it.
I said & did out-of-character things for many years while drinking. The only way to stop my self-destructive behavior was to quit all together. I had failed to control my drinking so many times & always ended up putting myself in danger. It's a relief to be free of it. You can do it!
I said & did out-of-character things for many years while drinking. The only way to stop my self-destructive behavior was to quit all together. I had failed to control my drinking so many times & always ended up putting myself in danger. It's a relief to be free of it. You can do it!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 132
My 15 year old self would have point blank refused to believe it. She is never coming back but I am inching closer to her every day and that makes me feel better than any drink. You owe it to yourself to try that buzz on for size before its too late. Waking up every morning wondering what you said is a form of hell. Dont know how I didnt kill myself one of those mornings. Thank God it is over. When you dig yourself out of this you will wonder how you ever coped with mornings like that. I love mornings now.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Warwick RI
Posts: 1,276
Kevin..my heart goes out to you....its so hard to change habits....thats alot of our addiction...habit...comfort-ability.... but its not all that you deserve.
There are more opportunities in your time here...but if we keep drinking we will keep missing them.
I wish you well and hope you can do it.
There are more opportunities in your time here...but if we keep drinking we will keep missing them.
I wish you well and hope you can do it.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 2,408
The good news is you never have to feel like this ever again. All you need to do is to not take that first day one day at a time.
There is a solution to the situation you find yourself in. Many have recovered from alcoholism. How do you recover? Honesty, Open-mindedness, Willingness. Get reading and learning about alcoholism and addiction, get to some AA meetings and listen, Read and post loads on SR, and formulate a recovery strategy e.g. working a program of recovery. Let the rest unfold as it’s intended from there.
Sobriety is a wonderful gift that I’m truly grateful for. I’m a very grateful alcoholic.
🙏
There is a solution to the situation you find yourself in. Many have recovered from alcoholism. How do you recover? Honesty, Open-mindedness, Willingness. Get reading and learning about alcoholism and addiction, get to some AA meetings and listen, Read and post loads on SR, and formulate a recovery strategy e.g. working a program of recovery. Let the rest unfold as it’s intended from there.
Sobriety is a wonderful gift that I’m truly grateful for. I’m a very grateful alcoholic.
🙏
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2019
Posts: 29
You’re right Brighterday1234, of all the pain I’ve endured because of my addiction, I have been spared a lot of it by sheer luck. Seeing posts on SR (I’ve visited the site and others like it many times before making this account), RAs often seem to have a deeper appreciation and understanding of life than those who haven’t gone through this difficult process.
I’m not going to pretend like the only thing I have to do is not drink - I find that a binge is often decided by my actions 3 or 4 days before I take the first sip. I am committing myself to a lifestyle change
I’m not going to pretend like the only thing I have to do is not drink - I find that a binge is often decided by my actions 3 or 4 days before I take the first sip. I am committing myself to a lifestyle change
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2019
Posts: 29
Oh boy Sammymaguire, those mornings were the absolute worst. Having no idea what I’d done, the feeling of the walls closing in on me and the coming of my day of reckoning.
It’s painful, but I’m going to try to remember those times whenever my brain starts to romanticize the “good times” (which were a product of my hard work to make friends NOT the alcohol).
It’s painful, but I’m going to try to remember those times whenever my brain starts to romanticize the “good times” (which were a product of my hard work to make friends NOT the alcohol).
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 132
The mornings only change when the night before changes. I was stuck in that cycle for 20 years so I know what you are going through.
Eventually I battled my way out with the help of psych meds...(which I badly needed) but I will never forget those hellish mornings.
I have lost so many people because of what I did the night before. Only a few stuck around. Some of those people that I lost were from my inner circle and can never be replaced. Painful.
I was also arrested once and woke up in a police cell. I heard other alcoholics warning people about the police but I honestly believed that would never happen to me but it did. Thankfully the police decided not to press charges. Thankfully I found good meds a short time later.
Every time we go back out there bad things can and will happen. That fear can help us if we let it because nobody wants to ruin their life. Do you drive a car?
Eventually I battled my way out with the help of psych meds...(which I badly needed) but I will never forget those hellish mornings.
I have lost so many people because of what I did the night before. Only a few stuck around. Some of those people that I lost were from my inner circle and can never be replaced. Painful.
I was also arrested once and woke up in a police cell. I heard other alcoholics warning people about the police but I honestly believed that would never happen to me but it did. Thankfully the police decided not to press charges. Thankfully I found good meds a short time later.
Every time we go back out there bad things can and will happen. That fear can help us if we let it because nobody wants to ruin their life. Do you drive a car?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2019
Posts: 29
You’re right, I should. I’ve been lucky in that I never drove during a blackout - at 17 I did try once, leaving dinner headed to my Highschool for the Homecoming dance. I got in an argument with my date and my friend that I was fine to drive, and a policeman actually had to come over and instruct me out.
As shameful as that was, imagine having to go to my date’s house and apologize to her father!
I am DEFINITELY ready to start and stay alcohol free
As shameful as that was, imagine having to go to my date’s house and apologize to her father!
I am DEFINITELY ready to start and stay alcohol free
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