Jules714

I'm sitting at my parents house in the same chair on the back patio surreptitiously smoking cigarettes as I did almost 2 years ago...then I was terrified, still incredibly foggy and still so sick with 30 days sober. This month I will have 2 years sober. Absolutely everything has changed. And yet a lot has remained the same. I still do not have custody of my daughter. We have met here for one of our visits so as to spend some of our time together with our huge family. The difference is today I don't let this custody thing take back out drinking time and again. I dont give an iota of thought to the absolute ass of an ex husband I thought I could not live without (divorce was the catalyst for my drinking, altho I had alcoholic tendencies with other drugs of choice my whole life) I totally can live without that piece of work! I can even live without my precious child. Not easy, but she and I do it! Feeling super strong.
I got here slowly but surely. Not easily but it can be done. My life is not perfect, but I am happy and much healthier. Proud but not arrogant. If you are just getting sober; hang on! It gets so much better. And life gets easier living this way.

I remember being terrified to fly down here then. Was afraid of the ever tempting airport cocktail. I had little idea of what was up or down with 30 days sober...I just knew I could not live like that anymore.
And so I stopped. I persevered through the cravings and triggery stuff and I learnt to live again.
And it is truly beautiful.

Last night I had yet another open, honest, frank conversation with my now 15 year old child. I explained to her again, what a gift it was to be able to stay at home to raise her those first 12 years. It is precisely what enables us to do this horrigic distance thing. That and my staying away from a drink. What an honour. By taking hard things and finding silver linings, I get through. It works for me counting my blesings and not my bruises.

It gets better. I promise.

Keep at it as you are so very worth it.

Love to all, this site really helped me to save my own life. You are all precious to me (especially Gilmer...sigh)
Thank you!
xx,
Jules

Misssy2

This is really beautiful and inspiring....Congratulations on 2 years sober.

Yes, people are a big trigger to our disease..especially ex spouses or boyfriends.

You have no idea what a role model you are now for your daughter...my kids told me long after the fact of getting sober how proud they were of me.

I had also heard them talking to friends that had problems and telling them "If my Mother could quit you CAN TO".

Even thou my kids are not small anymore and I lost my sobriety 5 years ago...your post has given me a renewed sense of pride and hope for the future.

Hugs.

Ayers

Beautiful post, Jules, and congrats - you've come a long way . Very inspiring, thank you .

ImNotThatGuy

Thanks for the inspiration, Jules. I'm still early so stories like yours really help. Congratulations on two years of real life!

Dee74

Congratulation Jules - and thanks for a great post.

You seem to have found some peace - even tho things are not exactly the way you'd like them to be.

I hope they will be one day soon

2 years is awesome

D

BrianK

Awesome story and energy! 90 days was my max in the last 20 years, and I often block myself from thinking of getting longer than that since I haven't had it yet. Like I don't have a "right" to think about it. But stories like this just lay it out there and say to me, "Here it is, it's real, now do it!" I know we do this one day at a time, but it nice when someone who's done a few hundred or thousand of those helps us quit hyper-focusing on each pebble on the path and glance up to see the whole beautiful winding road.

Jules714

Thank you all...not quite two years, yet....lol. 2 more weeks!
It really can be done. I didn't think I could, but I just had to hang in a little bit longer and sure enough hours turned to days, days to weeks, etc.
ImI sure Dee remembers what a mess I was in the beginning...and some major blips along the way...but we do hard things (as Anna lovingly pointed out) & we can do them, most especially because we just don't drink.

Take gentle care of yourselves, you are about to be the best friend you ever had.

xx
Jules

MantaLady

So very true Jules and beautifully written! Huge congrats on your sober time and thank you for sharing xx

p.s. I miss Gilmer too, she was one of the first people that responded to my first post and inspired me with her kindness and sense of humour. We're so lucky to have had her on part of our journey.