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51 Days and a Fleeting Thought of Drinking

Old 06-06-2019, 07:15 PM
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51 Days and a Fleeting Thought of Drinking

Just needed to vent. I was really upset tonight over something that happened with a complete stranger who was acting like an entitled douche. I was already a little upset about something else, so after this incident I just sat in my car and ugly cried. Immediately the thought of a drink came into my head as I was so upset and shaken. I couldn’t believe after having a great day that this one thing would make me feel this way. It really upset me even more. I didn’t act on it. I finally was able to rationally tell myself that if I went and got a bottle, it wasn’t going to punish said douchebag. It would punish me. He will go on with his day being an entitled jerk and I would just ruin the rest of my week with a hangover. Thinking it out like that made way more sense.

I did go home and cry cry some more though. Maybe I just needed a good cry. I had plans for gardening this evening. I changed clothes but then just sat sown and drank some coffee. Accomplishing nothing. I was just drained from the whole incident and I’m just upset my night was ruined. But it would have been even worse if I picked up. Thanks for letting me vent.
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Old 06-06-2019, 07:22 PM
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I wouldn't let a complete stranger ruin my hour let alone my night Lucy. Don't let them rent space in your head.

And...you did great staying sober

D
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Old 06-06-2019, 07:23 PM
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Good for you for not giving in! The longer you stay sober, the fewer times you'll be tempted. You get stronger.
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Old 06-06-2019, 09:23 PM
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Awwww big hugs to you.

Congratulatons for not picking up! Do you realise how huge that is??? If someone so much as sven looked at me the wrong way I would drink over it. Second, well done for sharing! That's also amazing. Sharing how you feel with other alcoholics who "get it" is a very powerful tool n recovery. Share instead of picking up.

We are completely powerless over other people. How they behave, what they think, what they do. We cannot change or control them. But we can control how we react and act ourselves. Dont hold onto this any longer. As Dee said, don't allow anyone to rent space in your head for free. I pray for people like this. I think maybe they are spiritually sick and I ask my HIger Power for patience, compassion and tolerance. I pray that they receive everything in their life that I would want for me in mine. Peace, happiness and serenity. I do not do this for them (I am not a saint lol). I do it for me. For I cannot afford to carry a resentment as a resentment could lead me to pick up a drink. A resentment could kill me.

What I have learnt in recovery is no matter what happens, I do not drink. Over anything or anyone. My sobriety has to come first and is the most important thing in my life.

I think you are amazing!
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Old 06-06-2019, 09:35 PM
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As a person I tend to internalize things a lot, I quickly absorb emotions from others around me, and that is both a blessing and a curse. So, I can understand how it may have upset you to be in proximate circumstances to somebody who was a fountain of negativity either to you or beside you.

Maybe it's a Pisces thing for me.

Getting that stuff out of your system through crying is one reaction to getting rid of your response to it, far better than getting a bottle to wash it over.

Writing about it here is also another healthy response.
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Old 06-06-2019, 09:42 PM
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You made a few great choices

1. Didn't drink

2. Let yourself cry and express your feelings

3. Did nothing- paused

4. Posted here

Youre doing better than you think !
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Old 06-07-2019, 05:08 AM
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Originally Posted by Lucy79 View Post
Just needed to vent. I was really upset tonight over something that happened with a complete stranger who was acting like an entitled douche. I was already a little upset about something else, so after this incident I just sat in my car and ugly cried. Immediately the thought of a drink came into my head as I was so upset and shaken. I couldn’t believe after having a great day that this one thing would make me feel this way. It really upset me even more. I didn’t act on it. I finally was able to rationally tell myself that if I went and got a bottle, it wasn’t going to punish said douchebag. It would punish me. He will go on with his day being an entitled jerk and I would just ruin the rest of my week with a hangover. Thinking it out like that made way more sense.

I did go home and cry cry some more though. Maybe I just needed a good cry. I had plans for gardening this evening. I changed clothes but then just sat sown and drank some coffee. Accomplishing nothing. I was just drained from the whole incident and I’m just upset my night was ruined. But it would have been even worse if I picked up. Thanks for letting me vent.
I thought that was a wonderful story. The incident itself about the douchebag I can relate to as an unpleasant event, but the wonderful part is that you were too smart to drink. It's tests like this that prove our mettle, and each time you do, you get stronger. As for the crying part, I don't think there is anything wrong with a good cry, and it beats the heck out of getting drunk. And a fleeting thought of drinking at 51 days is to be expected, even if there is nothing to precipitate it.
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Old 06-07-2019, 05:22 AM
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Lucy- like LLG and others said, you did AWESOME.

And I really echo what DriGuy said- this is a completely relatable and normal experience from my early days. Even a bit longer than 51 days!! I recall specific bouts of irrational and even angry and cry-worthy "things" people did or were or whatever that hurt me....processing the stuff you said like it would only hurt you to drink, and that it is OK- it's great, even- to do what you did, sit and drink coffee. I had to reframe stuff to realize that "doing nothing" was more than enough some days. Here at 3+ yr, what defines "doing nothing" for me is a little different, but some days that nothing is victory enough when I'm sober.

Keep going and sharing- we get it.
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Old 06-07-2019, 04:58 PM
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How are things today Lucy?

D
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