New girlfriend
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New girlfriend
Hi I have been detaching with love from my alcoholic boyfriend so he would reach his rock bottom, however it seems to have backfired because his new girlfriend called while they were in bed together which was a shock and although he apologised for her calling me I guess he’s still seeing her. She sounded drunk so I’m guessing being with her is easier than being with me. He won’t talk to me at all. Help.
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Detaching with love is great but it's for you and your own peaceful life, not to cause him to change.
He has (once again) shown you who he is, and he seems to have moved on. Probably for the best, no matter how difficult it may be for you for a while. I hope you don't think you should try to "win" him away from New Girl. He isn't really much of a prize, right?
You dodge a bullet if you stay away.
He has (once again) shown you who he is, and he seems to have moved on. Probably for the best, no matter how difficult it may be for you for a while. I hope you don't think you should try to "win" him away from New Girl. He isn't really much of a prize, right?
You dodge a bullet if you stay away.
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Originally Posted by CarLar66 
Hi I have been detaching with love from my alcoholic boyfriend so he would reach his rock bottom, however it seems to have backfired because his new girlfriend called while they were in bed together which was a shock and although he apologised for her calling me I guess he’s still seeing her. She sounded drunk so I’m guessing being with her is easier than being with me. He won’t talk to me at all. Help.
being with her is easier than being with you in a sense that he can drink without hearing about it-an alcoholic not ready to stop drinking doesnt want to hear about stopping drinking or what their drinking is doing to themselves and everyone around them.
why do you want to talk to him? he has shown he is done with the relationship so why not be done yourself?
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Warwick RI
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Oh no...I don't think it backfired...I think if you can stay away long enough...you will look back on this and realize...that maybe he wasn't the one for you if he can jump in bed and embrace someone else.
I'm sorry to bring up that pain for you...but I have been thru something similar...and as it was happening....I didn't think much of him being with someone else...I blamed the drugs....but ya know what ?
That is a cop out....your not ready to deal with WHO he really is yet....Trust us...its hard..its like quitting a drug yourself...but its best for you to not associate with him..he doesn't DESERVE YOU.
I'm sorry to bring up that pain for you...but I have been thru something similar...and as it was happening....I didn't think much of him being with someone else...I blamed the drugs....but ya know what ?
That is a cop out....your not ready to deal with WHO he really is yet....Trust us...its hard..its like quitting a drug yourself...but its best for you to not associate with him..he doesn't DESERVE YOU.
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Join Date: Jun 2019
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Rather than thinking of it as 'backfiring' try to think of it as 'dodging a bullet'.
When you're carrying someone else and their issues, you're the one that's missing out. It's wasted energy you could be directing into your own life.
When you're carrying someone else and their issues, you're the one that's missing out. It's wasted energy you could be directing into your own life.
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Join Date: Nov 2018
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Originally Posted by ;
Hi I have been detaching with love from my alcoholic boyfriend so he would reach his rock bottom, however it seems to have backfired because his new girlfriend called while they were in bed together which was a shock and although he apologised for her calling me I guess he’s still seeing her. She sounded drunk so I’m guessing being with her is easier than being with me. He won’t talk to me at all. Help.
But getting a call from your ex's new partner while they are having sex? Now that can't happen very often. It must represent new ground in breakup revenge. On the other hand, some of these breakup revenge tactics are so over the top they lose their sting, as this one would for me.
The incident says way more about your ex and his girlfriend than it does about you. It's so dumb that I don't know whether to laugh at them, or feel empathy for you. But I would assure you that you should want no part of either of them in your life.
Good Grief! That was absurd.
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Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: North East, USA
Posts: 704
Ouch. I hope your goal is to completely sever ties. Who needs this in their life? Loving him is harming you.
Go about your own path without this dragging you down. Sooner you let him go, the sooner you will be available to real, healthy loving realtionships. He has work to do and so do you. If you are willing to accept this then you are not yet appropriately loving yourself.
I would focus on that because I am the onky one, guaranteed to be with me until I draw my last breath.
Take care of youuuu.
Jules
Go about your own path without this dragging you down. Sooner you let him go, the sooner you will be available to real, healthy loving realtionships. He has work to do and so do you. If you are willing to accept this then you are not yet appropriately loving yourself.
I would focus on that because I am the onky one, guaranteed to be with me until I draw my last breath.
Take care of youuuu.
Jules
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Join Date: Aug 2015
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I'm just going to chime in to say that I agree with everyone- and I also know how hard this exact situation is (well, I don't think I got a call from a new bf), except I was also drinking, so it was a mess.
Maybe looking into whatever struggles you have with codependency, boundaries, whatever you might have (like many of us) would give you some perspective and help you process all the feelings and thoughts of how you want to be in a future relationship.
Take care of you. And block that phone!!
Maybe looking into whatever struggles you have with codependency, boundaries, whatever you might have (like many of us) would give you some perspective and help you process all the feelings and thoughts of how you want to be in a future relationship.
Take care of you. And block that phone!!
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