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When the now seems intolerable

Old 06-05-2019, 10:17 AM
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When the now seems intolerable

I'm good today, but last night was tough. I guess I was just wondering what people do when gripped in a severely depressed or anxious state (non-booze related)? For me I can't or almost don't want to reach out to anyone when in that place. Obviously I had an instant 'solution' in the past... Still very early in my recovery, this looks like it might be the biggest trigger I need to be careful of.
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Old 06-05-2019, 10:21 AM
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Are you clinically depressed or was it just a dark night of the soul?
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Old 06-05-2019, 10:23 AM
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Is sleep an option for you?

When I did (albeit booze-related) anxiety and depression, I just tried everything to get to sleep. Mostly I put on some documentary or podcast from youtube where the person speaking had a calming voice - like a really deep voice etc (or just think Morgan Freeman).

When I got to sleep, I was better for a time. Sleep pushes the 'hour and minute hands' of the brain forward. That's how we overcome difficult things and also, basically, how we forget how horrible our binges were etc.

You might want to try that. Very simple breathing meditation is also an option.

Hope you feel better, friend.
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Old 06-05-2019, 10:33 AM
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I have a couple of things I do.

If possible, I make myself get outside and walk on my nearby beach.

I listen to music. I have a playlist for those kind of days.
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Old 06-05-2019, 10:40 AM
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I just allow myself to recognize that it will pass. When I do that, I begin to relax. When I begin to relax, my focus on the issue lessens. When my focus on the issue lessens, my ability to let go increases. When I let go, the issue passes sooner.

I have faith that everything will be alright...even when they are not alright!
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Old 06-05-2019, 10:47 AM
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I used to go swimming when I got that feeling and just wanted to isolate. Got some exercise which is good for depression, concentrated on breathing (otherwise I’d drown lol) and meant I didn’t have to talk to anyone and no one could bother me while in the pool. It always cleared my head and calmed me down x
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Old 06-05-2019, 10:50 AM
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Originally Posted by Tetrax View Post
I'm good today, but last night was tough. I guess I was just wondering what people do when gripped in a severely depressed or anxious state (non-booze related)? For me I can't or almost don't want to reach out to anyone when in that place. Obviously I had an instant 'solution' in the past... Still very early in my recovery, this looks like it might be the biggest trigger I need to be careful of.
That's my trigger, too! Thank you for sharing this. I don't have a solution, myself, but reading that someone else has the exact same issue feels helpful to me and I know I won't forget it the next time that moment comes around for me. I pray right now that I handle it like you did.

For me it tends to hit after a couple weeks sober. I'll be eating right and feeling good, then someone will say something to contradict me or I react by feeling misunderstood and start building this whole victim narrative in my head. Then I point the blame and shame game at myself till I feel worthless, "then I might as well drink and smoke and get a little enjoyment out of life, because who cares what I do, and I don't blame 'em, either."

I'm sure pouring hundreds of gallons of a depressant into our bodies for years causes worse depressed episodes than we might otherwise have. I'm hoping this is something that gets less severe with longer-term sobriety, and would love to hear anyone else's take on it. I feel more grounded and optimistic talking to people who share that a lot of their problems never go away, but they do get easier to handle.
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Old 06-05-2019, 10:53 AM
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Depends on how sudden the episode is. If I am having very bad anxiety I also won't call anyone. I'm actually not good at that, period.

Alcohol provides a very quick, passive change. I find that exercise also provides a quick passive change. Passive in that my brain doesn't have to do anything other than make the commitment to move my body. Endorphins and dopamine do the rest. For me vigorous is the only way to handle anxiety. Depression can be relieved by a long walk outside. But anxiety requires an elevated heart rate for at least 30 minutes.

When I detoxed a couple of years ago I really had full on physical cravings for about 30 days. They would come on suddenly. Swear to God, I'd do as many burpees as I could, sets of 10. Do that for 20 minutes and the cravings would be gone. Try it. In a pinch it works.

Depression is different. Journaling, talk therapy, posting here to vent, mindfulness (in the form of learning that this moment is all there is), meditation through yoga ( I never was good at just a sittin there and meditating) and having a 'group' to relate to helps me.
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Old 06-05-2019, 12:45 PM
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I pet or walk my dog when I feel bad. Instant mood elevator.
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Old 06-05-2019, 02:22 PM
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Thanks everyone. I have been diagnosed in the past and I still take SSRIs. Yeah exercise is def good. I am a runner but am injured currently. So frustrating. I should think of doing other things.

Music is good; I am starting to get back into it after barely at all in the first month (could've been a trigger), so yeah I'll do more of that, find some new music maybe.

Last night I def used the 'This too shall pass' slogan, only it's linked to a chronic condition so there's an element of '... for now', but yeah I let it get me down by staying passive I think.

Such a good day today though, after a good sleep, and a great meeting to end it. I'm too much the perfectionist though (certainly obsessive; OCD is a main reason I still take meds): even when things are 90% good, I'll make sure to focus on the 10%.

I should be practising gratitude more, certainly. And finally getting to those steps... I at least am talking to people after meetings now rather than running away.
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Old 06-05-2019, 02:49 PM
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Gosh that feeling of anxiety and just wanting to jump out of my skin....that was one version of it that I went thru a lot in early sobriety. I'm always one to recommend what I call the Send Myself To Bed Early technique- whatever early means! Or naps.

I was very sick at first so it was about 100 days before I took the tiniest of steps back into exercise. Def something to do when you heal!

It took me awhile to stick around or come early as far as meetings- I even got agitated by the Serenity Prayer and the readings at first....but in time, getting to know people is good- and, honestly, killing time around a meeting so it turns into even 2 hrs of time is something that so many people recommend!

I know these days are tough in a lot of ways, Tetrax, but I am really proud of you for being sober.
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Old 06-05-2019, 05:39 PM
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Hey Tetrax

When I feel things are intolerable I look around and find people who have it way worse than I do.
I'm not downplaying your feelings but honestly man I can't let myself get too far down the self pity rabbit hole.

Its never a good place for me to be.


Exercise helps me - I have a few options - if I'm unable to walk, I go some hand weights, or the stationary bike, or mat exercises (bridges or whatever).

Even when I don't feel like reaching out, I'll reach out to help someone else, That helps me too.

In the old days I'd watch a relapse come towards me like a rabbit caught in the headlights of an approaching semi trailer.

I learned the importance of action - even when action is the last thing I want to do.

Glad you feel a little better today

D
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Old 06-05-2019, 06:34 PM
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Take a ride or a walk..I know in these times it may be even hard to get off the chair to do either of these things...but you are fighting for your survival...fight thru these things..with all you have.
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Old 06-05-2019, 10:20 PM
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I think posting here as you did is wonderful. I would also talk about this with people at your meeting because many people that go to meetings experience some similar things so you may find someone that would be totally willing to support you in those moments and talking with them about it before hand could help with your comfort level of reaching out when it does happen. I hope that makes sense but in any event we are here for you and so glad that you’re sober!!
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Old 06-05-2019, 10:52 PM
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Not being able to deal with my feelings is always my main reason for relapse. I try all the distraction methods in the book and while they do help at that moment, sometimes the relapse is beginning to take shape days before I actually buy booze.
I also isolate myself when emotionally distressed and I'm slowly learning that by far the biggest help is talking about what is bothering me, rather than the wanting to drink part of it. It's difficult because I don't trust many people and find it hard to open up, but when you get love and support back it really helps.
I understand and I hope things get easier for you xx
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Old 06-05-2019, 11:01 PM
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Making art

A shower

A meeting, a drive in nature with music

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Old 06-06-2019, 02:34 AM
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The sooner I recognize that I am having those 10% thoughts the more quickly I find it helpful to try to redirect my thoughts. Once I get into the deep thinking it's too late for me to do much other than 1) recognize that it is temporary, and if possible I will try to get some sleep; or 2) post here on SR that I am going through something -- to get it out on the table. If I catch it coming on, by recognizing that my feelings are valid, that I do not have to deal with them for the immediate moment, I often can just leave them behind me and not even have to come back to what's bothering me. Often that 10% is just self-manufactured "dreck".
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Old 06-06-2019, 02:48 AM
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Originally Posted by LiveLikeGold6 View Post
I think posting here as you did is wonderful. I would also talk about this with people at your meeting because many people that go to meetings experience some similar things so you may find someone that would be totally willing to support you in those moments and talking with them about it before hand could help with your comfort level of reaching out when it does happen. I hope that makes sense but in any event we are here for you and so glad that you’re sober!!
Your mention of meetings also reminded me of how sometimes someone shares something that's bugging them and I think, "I could have said that EXACT same thing, right now!"
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