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Old 06-03-2019, 11:39 PM   #21 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Zamie View Post
the thought of NEVER having a drink again totally freaks me out,.
I know this isnít what you want to hear, but you have become alcohol dependent. This isnít a weakness at all. Itís highly likely that any attempt to moderate your drinking levels will see a return to that half a bottle of vodka a day within weeks.

As an aside, why would it freak you out not to drink again? It sounds like youíre not enjoying it, and itís affecting your health.

Back to the drinking, I probably drank about the same as you and was constantly giving up and relapsing within a week or two. Those two-week breaks were pretty miserable as the craving to drink came every evening. After years, I realised that Iíd never again be a moderate social or occasional drinker. Iíd revert back to the default levels of alcohol every time. Once Iíd reached that conclusion, it was surprisingly easy to stop for good. The cravings are still there at times, but theyíre rarer and less intense.

There have been no negatives whatsoever from not drinking, quite the opposite. I can still meet friends, but Iíll be drinking a coffee or an alcohol free beer. I feel way better, and my fatty liver (as a result of drinking) is now getting a well-earned rest and healing time.

Start thinking about quitting or Iím afraid youíll be switching between drinking and sobering for years. Good luck.

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Old 06-04-2019, 01:10 AM   #22 (permalink)
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Zamie,

Your story is similar to my own, both in the amount we drank and the ways we did it. I had a harder time quitting, but once I did, my cravings ended in a pattern similar to yours. I also had in the back of my mind this ideal picture of drinking responsibly on the weekends.

There is a common consensus of opinion out there about what we can't get away with. Much of it, I had discovered on my own through years of drinking. There are other things that I have just gone ahead and accepted as truth without proving them to myself. For example, I never went back to see if I could drink responsibly during my 24 years with out a drink. I don't need to prove it because I have no need to drink responsibly now. I believe that was only a pipe dream. And I have experienced no first hand evidence that this would be possible.

I appreciate your seeing if you can go a month without, but this raises a red flag to me. I know you can. I did, but logically going without alcohol that long proves nothing about how normal you are. In AA, I met alcoholic after alcoholic that would quit for a month, and then come crawling back with broken noses and black eyes. So you tell me what these guys proved about their ability to drink without consequences. In fact, they even admitted they couldn't do that, and each time they came back, they swore they had learned their lesson. But they never acted like they did, because a month later they would disappear again.

That's proof enough to me that alcoholics can't control their drinking once they start, and feeling like they can proves nothing, because feelings can't be trusted.

In the end there is nothing, absolutely nothing to be gained from alcohol, even if you can get just a little drunk and still act responsibly. I have found that life can be fine, and no alcohol is necessary to make it any better. Drinking alcohol does not make my life any better than drinking large quantities of tomato juice. To think that it does, is just a learned response that mimics what we believe we see in the society around us.

Don't stop at one month. Keep at it and learn how good life can be. Unless this is not that important to you or you just don't care.
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Old 06-04-2019, 02:42 PM   #23 (permalink)
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Please do stay with us, Zamie. We care about you. You can be yourself here & we'll understand. I appreciate your honesty & self-awareness.
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You are so much more than the worst thing you've ever done. Fr. Greg Boyle

A little voice deep inside me said, "Hello, I am here." It was a small voice, & sounded as if it were buried underneath the cushions of my couch. It was my soul...I had forgotten it.

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Old 06-04-2019, 02:55 PM   #24 (permalink)
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MindfulMan, thank you for that incredibly inspiring post. If I feel my resolve waning I'll definitely re-read your words.

If I'm really honest, there's still a big part of me that refuses to believe that I'm an alcoholic. But rather someone who let their alcohol consumption get out of control. But the more I read these stories and comments, the more certain I am that I don't ever want to go back to where I was 18 days ago.

Crouching behind the kitchen bench and swigging neat vodka straight from the bottle like it was fizzy pop.

Feeling guilty and disgusted with myself the next morning when I saw that I'd actually got through two thirds of a bottle instead of the usual half.

Trying to sell myself the old 'I'm a creative, therefore of course I'm going to drink more than most people' ********. I'm no Ernest Hemingway.

I'm so glad I stumbled on this site, I think it's going to make a big difference in the long run. I can't say that I'll never drink again, but I can say that right now I don't want to drink - and that's a huge step in the right direction.

Thank you.
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Old 06-04-2019, 03:10 PM   #25 (permalink)
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Zamie - you say the the thought of never drinking again totally freaks you out. You don't have to think about never drinking again. Just think about not drinking today.
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