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7 days once again, terrible experience

Old 06-02-2019, 07:26 PM
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7 days once again, terrible experience

I remember posting on this forum many years ago, but cannot remember my user account name or email used. Must've been at least eight years back when I posted and everything went very well until the last couple of years. I'll spare the full story but once again I slowly tapered and tomorrow will be the seventh day sober.

My drinking habit has progressively got worse and the last four to six months I realized my problem grew bigger and it affected my psychology more than ever before. I've never had any anxiety issues until recently and only had one panic attack in my life which happened three weeks ago. I could no longer go grocery shopping, I would simply pick up fast food which I've never enjoyed after gathering the courage to drink to the window. Even stopping by the convenience stores (daily rotation because of shame) was mental torture. Going to work and driving made me sweat and a nervous wreck, driving out of town for work I had my first panic attack and literally thought I was dying.

Hard to explain, it was like something was holding me back with fear to stop and buy a case, and something was literally forcing me to stop and buy a case, daily torture. I've never been a shy or timid person but lately, my courage and confidence just hit rock bottom.

I'm feeling good other than a little brain fog and of course the vivid dreams and nightmares that I remember from quitting last time and also the other "struggles that come along". The sleep is almost wonderful again, picking up groceries and cooking again which I burned through over the weekend, and the anxiety is gone.

I'm here again just to read and keep my mind straight and maybe help anyone I can. And I do not wish to go through this again and literally coward away, terrifying to think about.
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Old 06-02-2019, 08:11 PM
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Welcome back Joe

I think most people find that the more years they drink the ore anxiety and depression becomes a part of all that.

Not drinking is the best response. I hope you'll start to feel better again soon

'grats on the week.

D
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Old 06-02-2019, 08:24 PM
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I too have been experiencing increased anxiety and unbearable feelings of panic and stress during my hangovers. So happy to see you back, keep up the good fight.
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Old 06-03-2019, 05:48 AM
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Welcome back Joe. Like many of us, I've been exactly where you are. The sick, driving compulsion to buy more alcohol even when you don't necessarily even want to, the panic attacks, even the eating of junk food, all of it. What's amazing and remarkable is it a all can be left behind. Sobriety brings peace and change to all that pain and misery. You have to work and you have to sacrifice and you have to focus on not drinking. But it also gets easier over time. And an entirely new a life waits for you. What's the plan?
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Old 06-03-2019, 07:41 AM
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I'm glad your anxiety and depression is improving. You will find lots of support here.
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Old 06-03-2019, 07:42 AM
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Very glad you came back! Echo lg's question- what's the plan to turn that week into a life?
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Old 06-03-2019, 07:53 AM
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Welcome, Joe. Congratulations on 7 days. Keep it up.
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Old 06-03-2019, 06:08 PM
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Thanks everyone, I appreciate the support.

I can't honestly say I have plan, just one day at a time same with last approach to this madness. I'm out of town once again and after work I went straight to an "all you can eat" buffet since I did have the urge to stop and buy booze. I really didn't want the all the food I did eat, just something my fill my stomach.

I'm use to a very full filling in the afternoon after work from the beer, and at this point I'm not concerned about weight and can easily but on a few pounds simply because my height (six eight) and not being overweight and surprisingly workout and stay in relativity good shape. I did pickup some tea and water just have something in my hand to drink if that makes sense.

Rough three weeks, I feel much better overall and even that fact may cause someone to slide down hill again.
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Old 06-03-2019, 07:15 PM
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"I feel much better overall and even that fact may cause someone to slide down hill again".

I know THIS all too well...I have 6 days today and I was thinking this same thing this morning...that I need to be really careful about thinking it is ok to drink just because I feel well.

I went thru such hell the first 4 days of this detox....I can't even believe I would think of drinking for a second!
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Old 06-04-2019, 06:28 AM
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Originally Posted by joe801 View Post
Thanks everyone, I appreciate the support.

I can't honestly say I have plan
For me I used to be so annoyed when I would be asked the question, what's the plan? Now I see that it is essential to getting and staying sober. Sheer will-power can work, but you want ideas and techniques and decisions already made for you when the beast comes calling. AA? AVRT?
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Old 06-04-2019, 07:48 AM
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For Dee—
Perhaps you could bump up your post of lists of things to include in a plan?
And also did you post a list of alternative things and activities to do in lieu of drinking?
I cannot find them readily and I think they’d be nice for the OP Joe to read, and I’d like to see them again too.
Thank you.

And welcome back Joe! Great that are are here.
I’ve strayed and have come back several times.
It happens, but I know you can beat this thing,
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Old 06-04-2019, 09:18 AM
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Originally Posted by lessgravity View Post
For me I used to be so annoyed when I would be asked the question, what's the plan? Now I see that it is essential to getting and staying sober. Sheer will-power can work, but you want ideas and techniques and decisions already made for you when the beast comes calling. AA? AVRT?
THAT.

I was annoyed when asked "what's the plan?"
I was annoyed when asked "when was your last drink?"
I was annoyed when asked "what time will you be home?"

I was annoyed.....that I had a problem and couldn't bring myself to start dealing with it.

It's one of those repeated questions - what's the plan- that is absolutely critical for us to answer. And the options are 1) I don't have one (worst answer) 2) I might be doing [xyz] but I'm not sure (bad answer and really the same as the first one) or 3) I decided on one, and I'm going to learn that life and be sober no matter what.

It's up to you - and there is a lot of help here and IRL that I can promise you will stop annoying you as you get well, your mind clears, you see what the good a sober life WILL bring...and so on.

You've mentioned some new choices that are indeed GREAT to and supportive of starting a sober life. Dude, eat the junk food or ice cream (still a "thing" w me at 3+ yrs ). go to any place that helps you not drink, or be around booze, or distract you til bedtime, so on. Those are things I had to ADD to my base program (I'm in AA). Eventually you can make a life where the good choices are nearly automatic, nearly all the time! AND, you've got that base program of choice that helps you self-correct when you don't want to make the right choice.

You've got a week (and change, now?) and can turn that into a life. In AA, we talk about gaining "hope, and a future." That is indeed what taking the terrifying chance on sobriety has brought me, and keeps sustaining me as I keep going.

And I'm 100000% not trying to annoy you.
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Old 06-04-2019, 03:19 PM
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Like others have said I recommend a plan - I found just winging it - while not as scary as committing to a plan - is not the way to make something happen permanently.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ery-plans.html

D
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Old 06-05-2019, 05:07 PM
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I will certainly think about the suggestion, and I appreciate all suggestions. I don't know if I'm a rare case, but when sober my personality is more blunt, serious and but extremely outgoing. Being a drunk and consistently hungover I've been told I'm more nice and and very easy going - very easy to persuade.

Even recently new guys at work have noticed and even pointed it out, other guys that have worked with me for 10 or 15 years know both verisons. Just another random thing I've noticed on the journey again. I wouldn't say I'm more agressive sober but at the moment I can't really give another word for it.


I guess one part of any possible goal would be to have a very long one on one chat when I get back in town with my girlfriend that will want to drink and go out once I get home (she has been out of town too) 'Not going to have conversation over the phone.

I'm doing well, I still have temptation but at the moment a part of me is glad I'm out of town working, instead of being home if that makes sense.
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Old 06-05-2019, 05:12 PM
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I made a comment on another thread earlier- we learn a lot about what we are (and are not) like as people when we really and truly and permanently stop drinking. Some of my ideas and opinions about myself remained true as I'd known them but plenty have not.

I'd also throw in that rarely is anyone a special snowflake when it comes to needing to adjust who we think we are when drinking and who we can be in sobriety. There's a change for each of us. I believe it can only be for the better- if we get sober and work a program to live in recovery, which is a big step beyond just not drinking. That's the life I have found.
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Old 06-05-2019, 06:27 PM
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Originally Posted by joe801 View Post
I will certainly think about the suggestion, and I appreciate all suggestions. I don't know if I'm a rare case, but when sober my personality is more blunt, serious and but extremely outgoing. Being a drunk and consistently hungover I've been told I'm more nice and and very easy going - very easy to persuade.
I relate to this. When I'm drunk or hungover I'm so full of guilt that I'll let just about anything slide so long as no one calls me out for the stupid stuff I said or did. Once I sober up and reconnect with my integrity I don't let the world push me around. I'm not aggressive. But I'm not afraid to stand up when the situation calls for it. What I have to be careful of is self-righteousness, I think. Years of drinking and riding an emotional roller-coaster make it hard to dial in and moderate our reactions to situations. On one hand I feel like I'm second-guessing myself too much, on the other, I'm glad I'm not constantly going off half-cocked or being the world's doormat.
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