August252015

Most of us realized we didn't know ourselves too well, JAD - totally get it. Being deliberate and gentle with ourselves and figuring it out with time is more than OK. What I have found being sober is a way better, nicer, happier, kinder person than I was even before the alcohol took over. It's a gift, really, that we get to figure things out. Most people don't

JADIII

Benito D- I wish it was 2-3 a week. I would have 2-3 Large glasses of wine and 3 or 4 shooters before that. If I had 2-3 per week I'd probably be a US Senator or the CEO of a company at this point!!

Misssy2

I found when i quit..I learned more about myself...

I wasn't wanting to be a Mother and even sober i don't want to be a Grandmother...I DONT KNOW HOW.

But that does not mean I should drink myself to death right? Listen I am not preaching to you...I only have 9 days sober...BUT I did have 8 years at one time.

Maybe your not the greatest Father or even don't want to be...but I promise if you stop drinking...you will be just by default a better person, Father, employee, husband....that all happened to me without me trying too hard.

You will learn it is OK to not enjoy things other enjoy....

I never thought I could go to an event sober...but once I did and had a "better" time...I became addicted to that feeling...You look around and you know how bad those "real" drinkers are going to feel the next day will bring a sense of pride to yourself for NOT drinking...and you WILL have fun.

Always also...you have the right to leave any event if you feel the urge to drink along with them...You and I always have to remember we CANT drink like them.

WE CAN...but we suffer for it...and they don't. I went thru the same thing with Colonoscopies and Endoscopies this past year...for sure I killed myself or gave myself cancer....I don't know why I am still alive...but I am .

And I know that unfortunetly for me ...I can not drink because it makes me worry about EVERYTHING....Even thou I only have 9 days (and yes the first 6 were filled with anxiety, depression and self loathing)....But, I feel FREE today.

JADIII

Thanks, this was very helpful and I appreciate it. I read a lot of posts here and I know people talk about depression and just feeling blah and not wanting to do anything but go to bed and sleep which is how I feel now. I think about something with my boys and start to well up and cry whereas other people would be excited (graduation, etc.).

The thing that's bothering me the most is this health anxiety. Even though I had an ultrasound I still feel pain in the other side of my body (left side) because they only did the ultrasound on the right side so of course I worry they missed my pancreas.

F**ing hate feeling like every time I bend over and feel a strain or sneeze and there's a twinge that it's something serious.

I can tell the wife is fed up and don't know how much longer she can just put up with it...

Thanks for listening.

JADIII

Good afternoon, had my follow up visit with my MD on Tuesday of this week. We literally sat and talked for about 45 minutes and this is where I'm at. As I mentioned I have fatty liver and even though he says it's "common" I have had it for a while (10 years) and it has gotten no better or worse which is neither good or bad (my words). He says that it usually last about that long and can then go downhill quickly or just stay the same and you may never know and just live with it. He said, most people who have a fatty liver, don't even know it (God I wish that was me for some dumb reason). So since that day I haven't had anything to drink even went to a conference for work which is a big drinking event and didn't touch a drop as he scared me with what he said.....a lot.

I texted him yesterday and asked the following. I take Vit D for my Celiac as well as a one a day vitamin which I have for about 3 years. He said to stop taking the Vit D as it can cause damage, which I've done. Should I also stop taking the one a day also as I've heard you just pee them out for the most part?

Also, he called me out of the blue yesterday and said that he wants to do a liver panel just to rule out infection or Hep C??? He says his antenna is not "up" but just wants to rule out anything for the future. Not what I needed to hear for someone with health anxiety.

So it's been a struggle for me these last 3+ days. I've struggled with crying fits, unsteady walking, looking at others and wondering what it feels like to be happy w/o being buzzed, sadness that prevents me from doing simple things.

I told him that I would give it 30 days to see if my mental outlook improves and he promised me it would but haven't seen much yet. He thinks a good dose of Celexa would do wonders and will write me script ASAP if I ask but I didn't want to start taking meds just yet.

Any feedback thoughts would be great. I'm at a pretty gentle phase right now so tough love (right now) is not what I'm looking for. Just some general comments, etc.

Thank you for reading.

JADIII

Also, one other thing that is odd about me and my/our condition. Much like I've read, urges can come on fast and sometimes in the past, I've just resigned myself to the fact that in 3 hours or so, I'm going to drink (for example). It's not that I need it this minute it's more like something to look forward to which I miss.

For example, today I was on the way home from a conference and decided, its time to have one and just F everything. So I went and bought some but for some reason, did drink it? Oddly just buying it and having it was almost like I drank it. F**ing stupid.....

Atlast9999

JADIII

Thank you Atlast, what a good analogy. Super helpful. Have a nice evening.