IWalkTheLine

I had about 12 nights and i gave in, i went out and bought just enough to stop the pain for the day not enough for a proper high.

Not sure if anyones experienced this with opiates after the same sort of time but im wondering if i'll have to go through a full withdrawl again?
Im hoping not, im sure people at work were noticing how tired and achey and unhappy i was, i needed a break from the withdrawls.

I'll start fresh again cold turkey tomorrow, it was a movie that really set me of but i guess every straw on a camels back starts somewhere.

Just praying its not as tough from tomorrow, it is within reach.

ScottFromWI

Sorry to hear that IWTL, hope your withdrawals aren't affecting you too badly - but yes, you may need to "start over" unfortunately. Every person is different so there's no way of knowing for sure.

Most relapses start well before the actual taking of the drug - so you are right that it was probably building up over time. What's critical is to figure out what you can do differently this time to recognize those signs and also to proactively work on recovery. If you have a plan you can be ready to address the signs of a relapse right when they happen, vs dealing with the fallout of usign again/withdrawals.

IWalkTheLine

Insomnia aching and feeling miserable was the trigger felt a bad wobble last night sucked it up but today i fed the beast, thanks for replying Scott

ScottFromWI

Perhaps you could try to put a plan in place so you don't have to just "suck it up"? My DOC was alcohol, but the concept is the same - if your plan to stay sober is just to "not drink" and wait for the pain to get bad, the result is usually a return to drinking. For me sobriety was a lot more about learning about myself and my inability to face adversity - or use a drug to escape/numb it.

Probably the hardest part is accepting the fact that we simply aren't going to feel "good" all the time. And that it's OK to be uncomfortable. Certainly withdrawals are hard - and they don't last forever, but even when they are done things will happen that our addict mind wants to just block out. Death in the family, losing a job, health problems, socioeconomic realities, they all exist for everyone to deal with. And as addicts many times we choose to just get high /drunk and hope they go away - but they never do. Just as you used today to "end the pain" - you really just started more pain unfortunately.

Being involved with others who suffer the same issues is very helpful. And you are definitely not alone in your struggles. Stay close and try to keep an open mind.

nez

I have used that line of thinking in the past when I relapsed numerous times. The solution it offered was a temporary one unfortunately. A better solution for me was when I never picked up again. That solution just passed the 16 year mark with no withdrawal symptoms having been experienced other than the initial ones. It took me awhile to figure out that I never had go through those again. OMG what freedom! You can know the same freedom as well. It took me being honest, open, and willing.Today, I live in the present, look to the future, and use the past for lessons.

John65

Hi there, what type of and what daily amount of opiates were you using before you quit? Was it a large habit over a long period of time?

Happyvale

I read this recently "Patients with alcohol dependence sometimes attribute withdrawal symptoms to anxiety.".....
I would venture a guess that it is anxiety that makes a lot of us pick up in the first place...think we've found the magic elixir.
Are you under a doctor's care? Do you believe anxiety might be or has always been an issue?