11 months and having a hard time
 

For a little more than 11 months I've been sober and quite happy with the way things have been going. This has been by far the longest I've abstained from alcohol since I started drinking 15 years ago. Recently, however, I've been seriously debating with myself on whether I should give 'moderate' drinking a chance. I know it's a terrible idea, and probably would not work.. nor do I want to erase 11 months of hard work or disappoint my loved ones.

Doesn't mean I haven't been researching moderate drinking on the internet and seriously considering giving it another go. I feel like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde; one minute I'm 100% resolute in keeping my promise of sobriety, the next minute I feel like I can and should try moderate drinking. It doesn't help that I'm going on vacation with my wife soon, and I would love to relax with an alcoholic beverage in the local drinking spots.

I'm going on vacation with my wife soon, and I would love to relax with an alcoholic beverage in the local drinking spots.

anything else gonna be happening during that vacation besides drinking? relax at the beach, relax at the pool, relax in the big puffy bed with the nice fluffy pillows? any sights to see? ocean to snorkel? fish to catch? trails to hike?

abstinence doesn't teach us how to moderate. we abstain from alcohol because we can not control what happens once we start. there is no such as thing as one nice cocktail at one meal on vacation.

don't pack the beast in your luggage.

I was once advised to strengthen my sobriety by practicing gratitude every day. It made a big difference in my attitude, and makes me happier too. :)

For what it's worth, I think trying to moderate is a really bad idea.
There's no such thing as moderation when it comes to drinking for me.
Why have you stopped drinking for eleven months if you could moderate it?
What would be the point of having a few drinks be? Give me one good answer.
I know you can't do it so don't bother. I think you know it too.
There is no good reason for an alcoholic to have a drink, if you do, in fact, label yourself as alcoholic.

I label myself as alcoholic. I had a friend over today. I bought a six pack of beer for him. He drank two and took the rest with him.
I also bought a pint of ice cream. I ate the whole thing. That's how much self control I have when it comes to substances.

If you can drink like a gentleman and have a few, more power to you.
If you're a real alcoholic, look forward to a ruined vacation.
If you're sober, look forward to all the things our friend above mentioned.
The choice is yours.

I've been doing this a while. And I can tell you, with total honesty, I have never seen an addict moderate. Ever. And I swear I have interfaced with 100's. In all kinds of settings. Maybe there are people out there that can. But I have never met one. I 'moderated' for a year once. 14 years ago. By moderate I mean nothing bad happened...I find my tolerance for awful is pretty high.

If you are an alcoholic, you can't moderate. Sometimes we have to learn from the literally thousands of stories you can read on line. Why can you? When no one else can....just saying. Why do you think you'll beat the odds? I mean, for real, why? If you wanna just drink cause you just wanna, I guess that's different. But know, you'll be back. Not sure how long it will take. And sometimes the addiction comes back mad as hell.

Is a buzz worth it?

Yeah, can't really say anything that hasn't been said, but moderation is a recipe for disaster. I would consider reading around for any threads where people have tried to moderate. Puts things in perspective.

As Dee always says - "abstinence is not control"

To elaborate on what Ghostlight said, what would an alcoholic beverage give you that a non-alcoholic bev couldn't? If the only answer is a buzz (it is) then that's bad news.

Thanks for sharing tho. I'm having a weird time as well and it's good to see all of the responses and support. I hope you have a nice sober vacation. One that you can look back on without any shame or fuzzy memories.

I've had those thoughts too. It's just my AV talking. If I could moderate I would have and I wouldn't be here.
Is it really worth the risk to find out?

Thanks for the responses, I really appreciate it. The crazy thing is, I know that moderation would not work in the long term, as I've tried it many, many times before. Sometimes I just have to remind myself, and I'm glad I posted here; I got some really helpful responses and brought myself a little bit back to reality.

That itch is going to rear its ugly head. I once read that relapse occurs when we stray to far away (physically or mentally I suppose) from the moorings that got us sober. Whatever you decide.... God speed and blessings my friend. Might not be so easy to come back - if that's what you ultimately want

No, no, no, no!!! You are heading into insane thinking. Starting to romanatcize the drink. Thinking you can moderate when that is not your truth.

This was your first post here.

if you are an alcoholic like me you will never be able to moderate. There will never be enough alcohol to satisfy you. It will ruin your holiday and it will ruin your life.

I suggest writing a gratitude list of everything you are grateful for today because you are sober.

This is the part of your post that jumped out at me. Why would you love to relax with an alcoholic beverage at one of the local bars? That is not meant as a rhetorical question either. What is the appeal of that?

For nearly two decades I never went on any vacation without getting plastered. The thought of having a drink while on vacation these days invokes nothing but disgust.

Don;t do what I did and confuse abstinence for control.

They are not the same thing.

I haven't had a drink in 12 years yet I know if I took one today I'd pretty soon end up back where I was or worse.

My relationship with alcohol was always toxic. It's always going to be.

I really hope you can find acceptance in being a life long non drinker zoos.

I've learned so much about myself and the way I want to live my life sober in peace and happiness.

I could never have made those discoveries drinking.

D

Relax and alcohol doesn't mix at all.

ya might want to print this and keep it handy. it was a thread starter of yours a few years ago:
Hey everyone! I've been lurking here for a while, but finally just decided to sign up.

I've spent ten years of my life binge drinking..not being able to moderate. And I've stopped drinking for 1-2 months a few times during that period. The last period of sobriety was a year and a half ago. I was doing great, feeling good, going to the gym 5 x a week. Then New Year's Eve came.

When I don't drink I feel so good; I go to the gym every day, I read, my head is clear. I get things done. I'm looking to start the next chapter in my life, and as sad as I am to say, alcohol must not play a part.

As much as I love the taste (and buzz) of a frothy craft beer, it's not worth it. That one beer will very likely lead to 9+. It's hard to say goodbye...but it really is the only way to be healthy.

You're right..thinking I could go back to drinking and moderation leads to the same old cycle I've been stuck in for years. I've resolved not to drink on the trip..posting this message and reading your replies has solidified this decision for me, thank you!