That was me. I didn't know what to do either. I was scared and at my wit's end after my latest relapse. A caring friend who was not in recovery because he was a normie and didn't need to be, told me "Well, you may not know what to do, but you know what not to do. Use that as a starting point. Tomorrow, I will introduce to some friends that know what to do because they have been in your shoes, but they are sober now." That was my start, knowing what not to do.

You say you're 36 and 'still doing this to yourself' but you had 'almost a year' of not doing it to yourself. That's proof enough that YOU CAN DO THIS!

I hope you're well

Gray x

In the work I do - the term "good work, life balance" is thrown around a lot. I'm not sure how many of us achieve it but I think it is very necessary to finding some semblance of peace or contentment. We all gotta work (well most of us). Why is that you need to work so much? Do you have weekends off? Any time to yourself? Sometimes..well, in my past - too much time to my self was a recipe to get plastered. Are you lonely? I know that is a big trigger for me and it has upended more of my sobrieties than I care to count.

I admitted both out loud and to myself not all that long ago that I was in fact "lonely".... somewhere in that realization I knew that I was also responsible for that lonelieness. It's soooooo much easier to reach for a bottle than reach for help...for a friend...for a telephone... for a book or magazine....for a newspaper to tell us what's going on in our town.

A dear friend told me that years ago "you drink because it's easy". You go and grab a bottle of wine and go home. And I'm a phone call away ya know - my damn kids are grown".

There are no answers for what ails us at the bottom of a bottle. There really and truly is not.