Meraviglioso

Wow, so much rage, so much anger, so much hurt. You deserve help. Of course you know your brain better than anyone else, but it sure wouldn't hurt to get some help with that. You need a massively good psychologist as soon as possible. Do your research. It can be frustrating to go through the process of finding the right person but once you do it is great comfort. You deserve it and need it. You can have a good life.

entropy1964

I hope you will get help today as opposed to drinking more. You are in the US. Go to the ER, tell them you need help. There are solutions but they are not in a bottle.

Alcohol works until it doesn't. And then it absolutely causes the despair that you feel about everything. If you feel you are powerless over everything around you? That is the beast inside you telling you that. You absolutely aren't.

The only thing right now that you are powerless over is booze. Face that and you can start to face the fact that you actually do have an amazing amount of choices. Booze just doesn't want you to see that.

secretchord

I think when we begin to scratch the surface of addiction, there is a lot of pain underneath. That's what keeps us drinking. I'm sorry you are feeling this way, and I can relate.

WaterOx

If someone told me two years ago that alcohol actually induces these sorts of thoughts, I would have told them they were crazy. Now that I have had significant stretches of sobriety I can see they'd be right.

The cure is the cause, my friend. It's a real scam- and if you're opposed to "them" winning, then I'd put down that bottle.

For what it's worth, you have permission to be angry and feel like ****. I'm just glad you're here.

Ayers

You are more than welcome. Keep chatting.((()))

Bobbieka

I hope you're doing okay today.

It wasn't until I quit drinking that I was able to start dealing with the underlying issues.

You deserve so much better than what your mom has put you through. Don't let her win. Prove her wrong. You deserve a decent life. You can do it. All of us on this site are here because we had issues to overcome. Look around. There's a lot of strength here. Tap into that.

Hevyn

Whatsdone - we're glad you are here. We are not rooting for the losing team (as you put it). We care about you & hope you'll keep talking. I once had similar thoughts, but getting sober eliminiated many of them. No matter what, don't ever feel alone. Because you are not.

columbus

"but they do force you to buy their ********"

No they don't.


"you either buy it and play their game or you become an undesirable."

Or you become free.

Your choice, your call.

Morning Glory

I just went through a huge betrayal and it caused a giant ball of pain and rage and anxiety that was too much for me to handle on my own. I got into counseling. Telling your story and talking about it with someone who can give you positive feedback is very helpful. Finding another way to ease the pain other than alcohol would be helpful. Find a trauma specialist. Trauma can cause PTSD and we can go into flight or fight mode to survive. Rage is fight mode. The greater the hurt the greater the fight. You are surviving and that's wonderful, but you can learn to eventually accept the life you were dealt and move forward. You can learn new coping methods to deal with the pain and rage. Your mother betrayed you. She made you feel worthless. You are not worthless. She does not determine your worth. We all have worth. Everything you are feeling is complicated and someone who is trained in trauma therapy can help you sort out the pieces. It takes a lot of time but you can start now and you will get there. Find a healthy way to handle your rage. You are trying to do that on your own and it's not working.
Call someone. I had to. You can too.

Ayers

How are you doing today, Whatsdone?