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Hi everybody..

You can call me Caesar. I first tried getting sober three years ago and it had been a back and forth struggle. I am trying again. Because I know that if I don't, this disease will kill me.. one way or another.

Stress is at an all time high. But when isn't it, right? I went to an AA meeting Saturday and Sunday night. It was good. I felt good to be there. But it gives me anxiety..people give me anxiety.. Especially when it is my turn to introduce myself and accept that I am an alcoholic. They pause and the whole room silent until I speak those words. To say those words out loud. I believe I am struggling with acceptance. I am working on it. Working on it.. I guess that is all we can do. One day at a time. For now I am just going to breathe and be grateful I am alive.

I remember why I failed years ago. Thinking I could quit on my own. With no real support or people who could truly relate. So I am trying things differently and really working on building a strong support system. So here I am, reaching out to everyone who understands what I'm going through. I appreciate each and everyone who is reading this. Thank you.

glad you are able to make it here and to AA,ceasar.
i had quite a bit of fear,too, when going to meetings early on. in order for me to get help and change, i had to face those fears and allow the discomfort to happen. i had to have the courage to do what was necessary to receive help. courage didnt mean i didnt have fear; it meant i would do what was necessary in spite of fear.
it was a bugger having all eyes and ears on me when i spoke but when i spoke,people shared how they solved the same problems, which turned out to be through the program of AA.

have ya read the big book to learn what the program is and the promises that will materialize by working the steps?

They did give me the book Living Sober which I plan to finish by tomorrow. It is very relative and helpful. I do believe I have a Big Book.. I did have one at some point. I will search for that when I am done with work tonight.

you might be amazed to find yourself in the BB. :)
i was quite amazed a book published 28 years before i was born described me pretty darn good. i really liked the solution and promises that could happen of i worked for them. ALL of the promises in the BB have occured in my life.
my life- that alone is a blessing. im no longer exisiting. i have a life now.

I learned here that 90% of my anxiety and other crazy issues were caused by brain damage from years of being drunk.

I didn't really get better as much as I got used to the way I felt. Sr taught me that.

Getting well hurt like hell. It hurt like nothing I have experienced.

I wanted to relapse today. My AV was acting up. I thought about it like I have always. I thought about it like I was an active addict. Instead, I went to the gym and ran around the track for 30 plus minutes and did laundry.

I sit here still a non drinker.

But, I am an addict for life. I know what awaits me if I relapse. The story never changes.

I wear my sobriety like a badge of honor.

The main thing that motivates me is my health. 4 years ago I was a dead man walking.

Today, I am stronger than I have been in 20 plus years.

Yay!

Thanks.

Hi, Caesar. I'm glad you are reaching out. I am like you, always trying to quit in my own. It never seemed to work. I now have about 56 days sober...(I would have to check my calendar for the exact date)...and ive done it by making little changes, like going to AA, for one. Its getting easier every day. At first, I thought about drinking alot. But lately, I dont even think about it much. Life's problems are srill here, but Im so glad to be sober! It makes everything else so much easier. Im so glad tou are here and I really hope you will stay!

Welcome to the family. :) I know you'll find lots of support here. :grouphug:

I'm early on too. Best of luck.

Welcome :)

D

This gave me goosebumps just reading it. And makes me sincerely want to cry. You're right and the hard work pays off.. I think about it a lot.. if I went back to drinking (though it's only been 6 days this time).. I know exactly where it will lead me and what I will do and how I will feel and it doesn't feel any better than how I feel in this moment. I know it might feel like it numbs me for a little bit but the aftermath is so kuch worse.. I dont know how to get that through my thick head..

Thank you. Congrats to you on your sobriety. I went to AA by myself on Wednesday and I went in there and said it was my first time going to AA alone. People replied "you're never alone".. Hell, I just wanted to cry. Because I feel SO alone. But that realization.. that there are people that understand and that I can turn to.. Really got to me. Being sober is apparently making me a bit emotional. Even though, normally I would only cry when drunk. I think I've just hit my breaking point and I NEED to quit. I mean, it's been 6 days so that is something. One day at a time. Thank you for your kind words.

Thank you so much!

Thank you. We can do it. Best of luck to you as well.

Thank you!!

Good job finding this site and congrats on your sober time. I'm about 14 months sober and can say that not only does it get easier being sober but life gets better in each and every way. I don't mean to sugarcoat it, it takes work and sacrifice and changing your life. But it's worth it in each and every single way. Whatever method you use, this website can be of incredible help. Read, post and make sure to stick around here when the cravings come. Welcome.

Yes, 6 days IS something!!! Just keep going forward...one step at a time. Each day will add strength to your sobriety. Some days (or moments) are harder than others but I tell myself to not entertain the thought of drinking. And each morning, I'm glad to be sober. Im so glad you went to AA! I like 1 meeting that i go to that is very small because i dont like sharing in a big group. I went to one meeting that was too big for me and felt shy and insecure when it was time to share. But that's okay. We dont have to share if we dont want too! Im so happy to hear you've got 6 days now! I am over here rooting for you!! Hugs and prayers for you!

welcome, Caesar, and yes for sure 6 days is something!
doing things differently (which in greatest part for me meant acknowledging that trying to do this by myself did not work) than what i had tried a million times proved to be part of the way out for me.

prayers and support to you

if you do not want to share at meetings, just say you want to listen

how are you doing, Caesar?