Callas

I attended a social gathering yesterday for the first time since I stopped drinking two months ago.

On the positive side I can truly say that throughout I had absolutely no desire to drink. On the other hand I did not like the emotions I experienced. I was with good friends of 20 years and longer. Although not heavy drinkers, they drink quite a lot. I found the conversations mundane and downright boring. I hope I managed to hide my feelings sufficiently as I love these friends and they have put up with my drunkenness on many occasions.

I feel guilty that I consider the company boring and of little value. I also wonder if I will ever really fit in anywhere again. A golf tour is planned for September. I am reluctant to commit. Four days of the same again.

I do not want to be this judgemental person. I have an appointment with a psychiatrist in July. I hope to work out a recovery regime that will, amongst other things deal with this.

I do not want to become a sober superscillious ********.

Dee74

I know I went through a period like that, and I think most people do in early recovery.

Fortunately I came out the other side, as that person is not the real me at all.

I don't know whether its a defense mechanism or not but the more I saw I had nothing to fear from people drinking around me and the more I preferred being sober, the less judgey I became

I must confess I still find being around drinkers boring most times, but there's no judgement there now - I just avoid it when I can and make the best of it at other times.

There's always at least a few people there who are not wasted

D

D122y

I never had tons of close friends. It was something that i chose not to pursue. My wife seems to work very hard at keeping friendships alive but often she is left alone.

I think it is important to practice social skills into my golden years, being able to sit around for a few hours and talk about this and that.

As a born again non drinker I totally see drinking as a practice in destruction. All it does is waste money and make everything harder. The only thing that is easier is they way it alters inhibition.

After 2 or 3 drinks I used to lose almost all inhibitions and do and say things I would never do when sober. Basically, not be myself.

I realize now that I was a rare case. I tended to drink myself into a stupor in public situations. I was heavily addicted.

Glad those days are gone forever.

Thanks to sr.

I don't care to hang around with drinkers that much these days. But, if there is good food or entertainment to be had, I might risk it.

99.9 percent of the time I end up ok. My family still drinks and since i quit our relationship has changed.

I had to quit drinking, I was pretty much a dead man walking.

Thanks.

DriGuy

Being around drunks is not the most exciting thing to do. That's for sure. I have little desire to try to engage them, because I'm not very good at acting like I'm interested in drunk talk. It's funny how I used to participate. I remember conversations that seemed deep and thoughtful as a drunk, but meaningless when sober.

The last thing I want to do is step into a drunk discussion and start preaching sobriety, but I'm OK being an outsider.

August252015

I stopped spending time with anyone who didn't, and know doesn't, support (actively or passively) my lifestyle. I often describe it as I only give a seat at my table to those trying to live their own best lives. Period.

My mental changes in recovery- after the literal, physically protective ones that came first- support good choices. I'd suggest that to everyone. Taxing myself with drunks, or boring folks or anyone I'm tempted to judge (or want to talk to about their drinking) just shouldn't get my energy. I both like spending time alone - and find that I've got more than enough friends.

Ghostlight1

I can relate. I have friends of twenty years who drink, too.
One I even buy beer for when he comes over. They seem to know, and accept, the fact that I don't drink and respect that.
I have yet to see them drink to the point of drunkenness in front of me.
Which is great because otherwise I believe they would be former friends.

I think they do it out of respect. As with you, they knew me when I was an active drunk. So I think they understand.
Acquaintances, though, are another story. Many of them drink heavily and when that starts, I politely excuse myself.
I have no desire to hear drunken talk nor watch them get drunk.

So, all in all, it works out. I know heavy, if not alcoholic, drinkers and I have my true friends. The true friends understand and the acquaintances do not care. They are fine in small doses. My true friends are who I spend most of my time with.
I do understand that the world did not become sober when I quit drinking.

Ayers

I agree with Ghostlight. I have been in many social situations since starting my journey into becoming sober. And have found that in general most of my friends don't drink to excess. Some do, but most don't.

So a gathering will usually be pleasurable, them drinking, me not, and good conversation all around. It does get a bit rowdy as it progresses but I also think that they are drinking much less than they used to - maybe in sympatico with me, maybe because they too are starting to see the light.

I do not judge them in any way what so ever. Their choice. I do not feel the need to preach sobriety wisdoms either. They also have Google. I still enjoy their company, and in all honesty I don't think I have become less of a participant in conversations, profound or mundane. I'm still me, my personality hasn't changed. And just as I never suffered fools gladly while drinking, I still don't.

FreeOwl

well.... I can relate.

To some degree, it was wrestling with early sobriety emotions.

To some degree, it was coming to face the awareness that I no longer felt engaged or rewarded by friendships that were based around repetitive cycles of drinking and drinking-related conversation and activity.

Without judging it, I nonetheless came to understand it really wasn't for me. So, some of those friendships moved on. That was something I had to come to accept and to grieve as part of my sobriety - but it opened space for me to deepen my life in other ways and to seek the kinds of interactions, friendships and ways to spend my time that felt more engaging and rewarding.

You'll find your own path through these emotions and learnings. Good of you to take note of the feelings, to share and to explore them. That's the work of sobriety.

fini

Callas, i don't find your attitude to be judgmental at all. you experienced boredom and time not-best-spent when hanging out with these folks. that is just the way it was for you.
after i had been sober a few months, i started to see where i had previously "settled" for /in relationships that were actually more superficial than i'd realized, were not "feeding" me and where what i could bring was not useful or really wanted.
i get the guilt feelings, but think they are misplaced. guilt relates to having done wrong/harm. doesn't sound lie you did either.
ultimately, i found the new understandings of my old relationships liberating...though yeah, it was a bit painful at the time.

Hevyn

Hi Callas. I had that experience too. I'm still confused by my reaction, many years after getting sober. Friends I had looked forward to being with & had a 'great' time with seemed dull & even annoying. Maybe I had overlooked their faults, or the differences I had with them? I never completely figured it out.

There was a group of friends from work I used to drink with. On one occasion they decided we were drinking too much & we made the decision to just get together without alcohol being involved. I remember sitting there, feeling so disoriented - struggling to start a conversation - wondering how drinking could have possibly made these people seem interesting.

I agree that you don't sound judgmental, Callas. Congratulations on your 2 mos. free of it.