White knuckle weekend
OX
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Upper Left USA
Posts: 630
White knuckle weekend
Been having a difficult time. I guess the pink cloud has moved on. Spent the last few days wrestling with the AV for some reason instead of acknowledging and moving on. I also stopped going to the gym as I have been tired and a bit off. Have been here reading nearly every thread and tons of online support materials and feeling a bit better.
I don’t post often so I thought it may help me out to write it out a bit.
I have been sober most of this year but only around 70 days of continuous sobriety and to look at that little number brings relief that I am still fog brained, anxious, and tired. Even tho it feels like forever I am really only beginning.
My wife still drinks heavily and she begins early and goes all day. Some days more than others. But it means I still live in a house that looks like problem drinkers live there, still living a life of hangovers and short tempers. Still seeing money exchanged for loud recycling bins.
Hopefully things will change when she starts work this week after being unemployed for 10 months. Even if she’s working at a bar.
She hadn’t been feeling well and 2 docs told her to quit drinking but she knows more than they do. So.. welp this was supposed to be about me.
I am determined to stay strong. It’s unbelievable that I have been fighting to abstain from a liquid that depresses me to suicidal thoughts and causes me to wet the bed. Seriously?
Losing a few hours at work and happy to trade them for an easier time to get to the gym and out on my bike. Days are long and I am happy. Fake it till ya make it.
I don’t post often so I thought it may help me out to write it out a bit.
I have been sober most of this year but only around 70 days of continuous sobriety and to look at that little number brings relief that I am still fog brained, anxious, and tired. Even tho it feels like forever I am really only beginning.
My wife still drinks heavily and she begins early and goes all day. Some days more than others. But it means I still live in a house that looks like problem drinkers live there, still living a life of hangovers and short tempers. Still seeing money exchanged for loud recycling bins.
Hopefully things will change when she starts work this week after being unemployed for 10 months. Even if she’s working at a bar.
She hadn’t been feeling well and 2 docs told her to quit drinking but she knows more than they do. So.. welp this was supposed to be about me.
I am determined to stay strong. It’s unbelievable that I have been fighting to abstain from a liquid that depresses me to suicidal thoughts and causes me to wet the bed. Seriously?
Losing a few hours at work and happy to trade them for an easier time to get to the gym and out on my bike. Days are long and I am happy. Fake it till ya make it.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 1,312
Hang in there. It’s very difficult to ride out cravings while living with an active, heavy drinker. Good for you for posting here instead of drinking. Do you have hobbies/interests that can take you out of the house, and away from the drinking? Maybe making yourself hit the gym when you don’t feel like it would yield good results?
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,778
I would suggest you start practicing gratitude every day. 
Find something you're thankful for, even the little things. It can make you happier too.
https://www.nytimes.com/2015/11/22/o...pier.html?_r=0
Find something you're thankful for, even the little things. It can make you happier too. https://www.nytimes.com/2015/11/22/o...pier.html?_r=0
Member
Join Date: Oct 2018
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 1,339
BigShoe, I hope that you find that it does help you to write it out, because it helps all of us, too.
You are living in a tough situation. Perhaps it will get better, and perhaps it will not. Whichever is the case, stay strong and things can become easier for you. I hated it when I was white-knuckling through some days, but it's possible. Remember that those feelings are fleeting times that will go away, especially if you can find something to do to occupy yourself. At least that was helpful for me.
Sometimes, too, we just need the extra rest. It would be very hard for me to go to the gym every day, even though there is one I can use at no cost. I just don't have the energy yet for it. I will try to use your good example to think further on this for myself.
You are living in a tough situation. Perhaps it will get better, and perhaps it will not. Whichever is the case, stay strong and things can become easier for you. I hated it when I was white-knuckling through some days, but it's possible. Remember that those feelings are fleeting times that will go away, especially if you can find something to do to occupy yourself. At least that was helpful for me.
Sometimes, too, we just need the extra rest. It would be very hard for me to go to the gym every day, even though there is one I can use at no cost. I just don't have the energy yet for it. I will try to use your good example to think further on this for myself.
OX
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Upper Left USA
Posts: 630
Thank you for the responses.
I think getting to the gym or doing something is most important when one doesn’t feel like it. At least to do something. I just got back from easy walk and feel a bit better already.
I am working on gratitude as well. And changing my mindset in general. Have been exposed to Cheri Huber and enjoy her teachings. Pretty much expanding on the beast mind and not getting into arguments with any of the ego. I will continue working gratitude. Thanks for the recommendation
Hi guener. Thanks for the kind words. It is interesting to find the line of resting and laziness. I feel I can totally fall victim to laziness very easily and relish in it. One reason drinking was so attractive. Drinking was my to do list. The whole list. And check it off cause it happened. But there is so much more to do. And writing this out does help me remember that. Life can be exciting and I am allowed to have fun.
I think getting to the gym or doing something is most important when one doesn’t feel like it. At least to do something. I just got back from easy walk and feel a bit better already.
I am working on gratitude as well. And changing my mindset in general. Have been exposed to Cheri Huber and enjoy her teachings. Pretty much expanding on the beast mind and not getting into arguments with any of the ego. I will continue working gratitude. Thanks for the recommendation
Hi guener. Thanks for the kind words. It is interesting to find the line of resting and laziness. I feel I can totally fall victim to laziness very easily and relish in it. One reason drinking was so attractive. Drinking was my to do list. The whole list. And check it off cause it happened. But there is so much more to do. And writing this out does help me remember that. Life can be exciting and I am allowed to have fun.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Big City
Posts: 3,895
Good for you for posting. Doesn't sound easy living in the house someone who drinks as heavily as it sounds like your wife still does. But it's obvious but you know why you want and need to get sober so that's more strength to you.
Things truly do get easier, as long as you keep pushing forward. Things get easier your head gets clear and there's more peace and calm. Stay strong and stay in the gym. I agree with that, it has been integral to my sobriety.
Things truly do get easier, as long as you keep pushing forward. Things get easier your head gets clear and there's more peace and calm. Stay strong and stay in the gym. I agree with that, it has been integral to my sobriety.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 2,966
I had to get my "expectations" of other's in check(or i'd still be drinking). Be it a kid,wife,parent or friend.. What they did would have zero effect on my drinking,no matter what.. Reads like your wife's drinking is bothering you.. THAT'S ON HER.. it's up to you to decide how to 'deal with it'.. We don't know her and she's not here looking for advice..
Complacency in my own journey,jealousy of drinkers and 'blame' for things beyond my control, led me back to drinking 100% of the time.
Complacency in my own journey,jealousy of drinkers and 'blame' for things beyond my control, led me back to drinking 100% of the time.
OX
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Upper Left USA
Posts: 630
Good points don’t remember. I have ended sobriety in the past to join the mrs in shenanigans or mostly just so we could get along better. That never really seemed to work as drink became most important very quickly. Good reminder on complacency too. That has been a problem for me in the past when becoming sober felt easier.
I feel better all around after a weekend of nerves and rest. I think I was kicking out a bug or sickness too. Looking forward to the week ahead and getting to 90 days and eventually a year. A milestone I have been chasing for 15 years.
So yeah expect a few bad days here and there when this liquid has been a constant companion for decades and suddenly it’s removed by choice.
I feel better all around after a weekend of nerves and rest. I think I was kicking out a bug or sickness too. Looking forward to the week ahead and getting to 90 days and eventually a year. A milestone I have been chasing for 15 years.
So yeah expect a few bad days here and there when this liquid has been a constant companion for decades and suddenly it’s removed by choice.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 5,169
Ouch, that's hard struggling with sobriety, while your partner keeps on drinking. You've got a lot of what it takes to sober up, and you've been weathering a dangerous environment that many of us might not handle with such commitment.
Now don't quit. The worst is probably behind you, even though you still have to cope with a drunk partner. Getting through this hurdle will be a big confidence booster, and will help shut up your AV.
Now don't quit. The worst is probably behind you, even though you still have to cope with a drunk partner. Getting through this hurdle will be a big confidence booster, and will help shut up your AV.
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