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Old 05-27-2019, 10:30 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
2na
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Takes a lot.
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Old 06-08-2019, 11:55 AM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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Hey everyone,

it has been a DAY. Im feeling a little unstable in my sobriety right now so any words of wisdom are appreciated but not required.

Iím the only manager at the front gates this weekend, and we were shortstaffed as it was. The day was already extremely busy and hot, and I am just beat. I really feel like drinking today, I donít want to because I wonít get a good nights sleep for tomorrow, but it really feels like that would take the edge off and make me relax. Iím trying really hard not to romance a drink, but itís hard today. I really like my staff this year, but a lot of them donít think or try to figure out a problem before calling me, and the phone is ringing every five seconds. Iím the only one here, as I mentioned, so Iíve been running around everywhere sweating and unable to even sit down and eat. I really like this job a lot, and Iím not trying to complain, but itís just been really exhausting today. A shower beer sounds amazing.

I feel like Iíve just hit a total wall, not necessarily in sobriety, but just today. I still have an hour and a half left, and Iím trying to head off this craving before it really hits me when I leave work today. Thanks all for listening.
ugh.
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Old 06-08-2019, 12:00 PM
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Please don't give in to the craving. You'll be right back at square one and will feel crappy tomorrow.
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Old 06-08-2019, 12:02 PM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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i don't mean to sound dismissive, but what about good ole H20? as in lots of it? and some protein?

it is tough when we are running solo and having to be 4 places at once. but it isn't forever, just a bit longer. you did have time to send this message, so there is at least enough time to guzzle some water.

think about the nice healthy dinner you've earned for your hard work today! what might that dinner be? and a nice cool shower - the in the tub with the spiggot thingie, not the other kind.
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Old 06-08-2019, 12:20 PM
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For relaxation, few things are more easy or effective than zoning out in front of the tv.
Even better, maybe before your drive back check online for movie recommendations you can stream/watch at home
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Old 06-08-2019, 12:30 PM
  # 26 (permalink)  
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Youíve beat the craving before, dpac, so you know you have the strength and ability to do it again. Youíve already started to ďplay the tapeĒ through. Play it through a little bit more to all the ill consequences that you will face if you drink.

You can do this. I know you can!!
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Old 06-08-2019, 12:49 PM
  # 27 (permalink)  
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I'm just starting back over and I'm miserable.... just a reminder of how truly rough the first few days are. You don't want to be back here.... You can do this.
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Old 06-08-2019, 01:16 PM
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This too shall pass, tomorrow you wake up sober, uniform clean ready for work with a clear mind. You got this.
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Old 06-08-2019, 05:28 PM
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Its rough to be the guy on call, but it's not worth a drink. Maybe draw up some ideas for other ways to relax...even getting up from your desk and going outside for 15 mins is a good circuit breaker.

Yes the phone will probably ring but they will ring back - unless you're an air traffic controller or a 911 operator, 15 mins is neither here or there.

D
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Old 06-08-2019, 05:41 PM
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I left work around 7pm and itís 8:40 now. Stopped at a Panera and got some food, shoved it in my mouth, and am now on the couch watching wrestling. I think Iím going to have a popsicle and do a face mask, two things I always enjoy.

Craving is gone. I think Iím simply too exhausted. Popsicle, hot shower, face mask, and bed sound amazing.

Thank you all for being here. I always know Iíll get a response if Iím having a craving and itís really comforting to have somewhere to turn.

I did it. Another day sober.
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Old 06-08-2019, 05:53 PM
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I think you're pretty amazing for jumping right in here and voicing your concerns each time the A.V starts pecking your head. I only wish I had been smart enough to have done that last year when I relapsed. You've really got this and the good people here have got your back. X
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Old 06-08-2019, 06:10 PM
  # 32 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by dpac414 View Post
I left work around 7pm and itís 8:40 now. Stopped at a Panera and got some food, shoved it in my mouth, and am now on the couch watching wrestling. I think Iím going to have a popsicle and do a face mask, two things I always enjoy.

Craving is gone. I think Iím simply too exhausted. Popsicle, hot shower, face mask, and bed sound amazing.

Thank you all for being here. I always know Iíll get a response if Iím having a craving and itís really comforting to have somewhere to turn.

I did it. Another day sober.
So, so impressed with you....shoving that Panera bread down I'm sure was what helped..everytime I eat something I end in a better place.

Congratulations...Hope you have a great day tomorrow now
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Old 06-29-2019, 10:54 AM
  # 33 (permalink)  
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Cravings always seem to hit me on saturdays but today I am really really feeling it. Iím not sure if I mentioned this it I work with a friend with whom I had a falling out, and working with him always makes me really sad. I feel like everyone dislikes me, an outcast, etc. It brings up every mean thing Iíve ever done in my life. My emotional response is to drink.

I know with my rational brain that itís a mistake and I shouldnít do it, but man do I feel close to throwing it all in the garbage.

This sucks!!!!!!!! I wanna ******* scream.
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Old 06-29-2019, 11:13 AM
  # 34 (permalink)  
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Iíve been in exactly the same situation at my parentsí house. Itís a bit boring, the alcohol is there and free! My parents are old and unwell, so whilst they know I stopped drinking, theyíre not aware of the battle I had - we all have had - to stop. Theyíd be upset.

Well done - next visit will be easier

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Old 06-29-2019, 11:19 AM
  # 35 (permalink)  
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Please, please don't throw it in the garbage. I almost don't feel qualified to advise since I'm only on Day 8 but what I do know is that I spent forever throwing away my good intentions (to not drink) often on the basis of 'what the hell' and always, always regretting it next day. And Saturday was definitely a trigger day for me. You are not an outcast and everyone does not dislike you. One thing I know absolutely is that if you drink, chances are you will end up feeling the usual remorse, dread and self-loathing. It is not worth it. You and all of us are worth more than that.
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Old 06-29-2019, 01:13 PM
  # 36 (permalink)  
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Iím sorry youíre having a rough day, dpac. That internal chatter can get pretty loud sometimes. But it sounds to me like itís lying. Iím sure everybody doesnít hate you and that you are not an outcast.

Hold of your head up high today. Youíve got a lot to be proud of and youíre very strong. Your strength is evident in all of your posts.

This too shall pass.
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Old 06-29-2019, 01:20 PM
  # 37 (permalink)  
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Just remember our brains are still healing and its going to be natural to feel a range of emotions. All you have to do for today is not drink! Whatever helps you achieve that make it your first priority, and think of how great it will feel when you wake tomorrow morning, sober!
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Old 06-29-2019, 02:07 PM
  # 38 (permalink)  
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dpac, if you have a drink things will suck even worse, and that is a guarantee. You may feel relief for a few minutes, but as we know, it will be short-lived and the guilt and shame afterwards (at least in my case) would be overwhelming and complete. Remember HALT (hungry, angry, lonely, tired) and if you're any of those things, be aware and get something to eat, or have a rest, take some deep breaths... do what you must do to maintain this most precious gift of sobriety. It was very good to come here and post first before picking up the poison. Wishing you all the best on your sober journey.
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Old 06-29-2019, 03:45 PM
  # 39 (permalink)  
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Every time I post in fear of drinking y'all show up for me and it makes me want to cry because I am so grateful.

I'm okay. I kind of had to push myself out of that negative headspace and finish the rest of the day and I'm home now. I ordered pizza because I didn't trust myself to go to the store for something else, and am about to take a shower.

It's true that when we are drinking, our ability to process and move past resentments, trauma, and painful events is stunted, if not halted completely. I have so much baggage and it's apparent to me in these past months of sobriety that I didn't really deal with it. I have so much trouble letting go and am so afraid of people retracting their love or friendship. It's so easy to just give up and f the whole thing, and slip back into that dark pit I was in. I've made some progress, but I'm gonna really have to double down in therapy, hah.

Thank you all. From the bottom of my heart. I am just a sad, messed up 25 year old alcoholic in the US, and with all of you I really feel like I'm not alone. I'm going to steam the craving out of me with a nice hot shower and eat some pizza.
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Old 06-29-2019, 03:47 PM
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I missed all the action but I'm glad you're home and feeling better dpac

D
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