Snowydelrico

I have recently partnered up in work with a man who has the same skills, work ethic and sense of humour.
My work life is better than it has been for nearly 20 years.

The only thing I have to watch is that he does all the things I used to do that were detrimental to my health and well-being.

I knew this before I partnered up with him and have been keeping a close eye on myself.

We go to his local from time to time after work.
I have a couple of lime and sodas and he has a few beers.
We have a talk about the day and work and a few laughs about things then I leave to get on with my duties.

This frequenting of the pub is good in the way that it’s bringing on my social skills.
And a little challenging because after work I am tired out and as I pull in to the car park I relax and go onto auto pilot.
My AV pipes up and I envisage my next actions see a pint of lager and think how nice that first drink would be.

Old routines seem to rouse my Beast.
I plan to be vigilant and become desensitised to the conflict in my new venture.

bimbott

It's a tricky one isn't it? I had nearly a year's sobriety under my belt when one evening when I was away with work again my AV hit me full on. "You can have a glass of wine. You deserve it. You've not had a drink for a year. You weren't even going to stop for that long anyway." So I listened that evening and had a glass of wine, or three and of course, despite my greatest intentions of only have the odd glass here and there and telling myself that "if I abuse it I lose it"' I abused it.

I'm nearly 4 weeks in to what I really want to be my forever sober. I have my first week long work trip starting tomorrow and I know my AV is going to be loud. Like you, I need to be vigilant.

Don't let your guard down.

Snowydelrico

Have a few escape plans set up and stay close to SR.
Glad you gave sobriety another go. It’s the only way to go.
Stay safe

Cosima11

Envisioning the first drink is a pretty big red flag! I'm a bartender so I'd never demonize the environment itself, but I don't go out with friends just to sit and watch them drink.. if it's for food or some social event that's one thing, but I'd rather not re-activate any old routines purely centered around drinking. I've seen it with regulars even who come in and drink NA beers but sooner or later.. Not saying it's inevitable but if you're worried it's better to be safe than sorry. That's my preaching for the day lol I'm sure you know in your gut what the best way to handle this partnership and the social dynamics will be.

Hodd

August252015

Sounds like you are really trying to change habits- within a very risky and challenging framework. Sounds super tiring to me.

Good luck.

Snowydelrico

Yes it is a little tiring I agree.
Probably won’t make too much of a habit of it.
Things are more tiring at home at the moment.
I’m using it to bring me on socially.

August252015

I'm just another to avoid risk. Sneaky - or not so sneaky, like thinking of that first drink- thoughts would be signs to me at the point where you are, to NOT to what I was doing. Or making truly new routines with your coworker. We get to ask for and establish new things in our sobriety and only ones that support that are ones I choose.

Snowydelrico

Fair play to you.
I don’t plan to change his routine and he doesn’t encourage me to veer off the righteous path so to speak.
If it becomes too tiresome or makes me flirt too much with the ideas of fantasy worlds then I will stop doing it.

I know red flags are popping up but I’m taking the best bits and leaving the bad.

biminiblue

Have you asked him to go somewhere else sometimes? I mean, if I was going to create some kind of long-term relationship I would look for people who were able to talk without alcohol being involved.

If he can't or wont...well. I would keep it very controlled. Like thirty/forty five minutes and bail. Partnerships created over alcohol are precarious at best. If he's having, "a few," beers per outing, that's more than I would be willing to sit with on a regular basis.

If it's a business relationship, even more cause for caution.

thomas11

I admire your willpower. I had to completely avoid drinking situations to stop. That included cutting off communication with my own family (all drinkers). Its been tough. Stay strong man.

Snowydelrico

It’s not every day and it’s me who asks if I can join him.
And it is for 30-45mins and I bail.
We talk at work too.
We have our own vans so we are the masters of our own destiny.

I understand the concern and I am a little or I wouldn’t be posting.

Snowydelrico

Cut communication off pretty much to all my friends due to their habits but I’m trying to get over it now. Slowly slowly.
Seen a few of my friends lately and I am more comfortable with it.
It doesn’t hurt as much to see them now, and one of them is 5months sober now.

Happyvale

That's important - to be able to flee if need be. I know from experience that a pub is not off limits if I have a reason to be there (e.g event or even discounted food lol). When you sit with him - does his perceived ability to knock back a few bother you? make you envious? In that arena, is their a pull for some sort of sense of belonging or community that you cannot achieve with your lime and soda? That would be the danger feelings I would look for if it were me.

kinzoku

Good for you, as long as you are vigilant thats a nice thing to do. I do the same occasionally, although I find groups better as 1v1 with some of my drinking friends they get a bit resentful even if they dont always say it.

Snowydelrico

No none of that bothers me.
I’m open about my switch being flicked.
He and his associates admire me for it and I think are a little envious deep down.
I am not envious, all I have to do to reinforce the fact I don’t ever want to drink is look at the people who are drinking. They look trapped soulless and lifeless. The youngsters seem to have joy in them but if they carry on they will go the same soulsucking way.

abgator

I've wondered about this. I occasionally have some NA beers and find the mentality alone helps me relax. That habit or routine. I don't want it to be that way, but it's actually helped me relax a few times. There's often a few in my fridge. Though I wouldn't go out to a bar where real alcohol is available, I'm sure that NA beer would lead to a real one.

Snowydelrico

I know what you mean kinzoku.
Groups are better.

Snowydelrico

N/A beer is dangerous territory.
Tried and failed with it numerous times.
Also I dank it on my first few months this time and it didn’t get me back on the real stuff.
Nothing will!

bimbott

Hodd, unfortunately that evening of drinking was the green light to just carry on. Admittedly it took a month or so to ramp back up to where I had left off, but I got there and drank for another year before this latest serious attempt.