Life isn't fair, but I knew that - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Go Back   SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information >
Register Blogs FAQ Members List Calendar Arcade Mark Forums Read





Reply
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 05-17-2019, 06:47 PM   #1 (permalink)
Member
 
thomas11's Avatar
 

Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 7,883

Life isn't fair, but I knew that


I want to make this short and sweet. I went to a therapist to discuss my "depression" which really isn't depression. But I'll play along. I guess I am justified in my feelings, but going forward, nothing is necessarily going to change.

Job hunt, strong candidate, encouraged to apply for future positions. Currently I am a former business owner who brought in 6 million dollars and now I am operating a paper press for $15 per hour.

ps. I can sell jobs and operate a business that turned about $500K a year and now I can't get a job selling pressure washer nozzles. I am a white male in his early 50's. Time to hang myself?
thomas11 is online now   Reply With Quote
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to thomas11 For This Useful Post:
Anna (05-18-2019), Culture (05-18-2019), Fearlessat50 (05-18-2019), least (05-17-2019), undertow321 (05-18-2019)
Old 05-17-2019, 07:02 PM   #2 (permalink)
Administrator
 
Dee74's Avatar
 

Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 175,854
Blog Entries: 1
Jeff what on earth makes you think it's not depression?

Quote:
Time to hang myself?
For a long time, I thought thoughts like that were normal. They're not.

You liked the factory job last time we spoke and were getting some degree of satisfaction from it - are you still doing that?

D
__________________
Dee74 is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to Dee74 For This Useful Post:
Fearlessat50 (05-18-2019), least (05-17-2019), thomas11 (05-17-2019), trailmix (05-18-2019)
Old 05-17-2019, 07:13 PM   #3 (permalink)
Member
 
Zanna's Avatar
 

Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: Derbyshire Dales, UK.
Posts: 2,331
I think whether you want to call it 'depression' or sheer boredom, you are at the moment in a position where you are underachieving and it's getting to you.
I have no idea of how you got into this position, but if you managed to bring in X amount of money in your previous position, then you obviously have intelligence that is currently not being used at work. Boredom / depression call it what you want.
As I said, I have no idea what has happened but please, please ditch the 'I'm a white guy' routine - it's not pretty.
Hanging yourself isn't either - talk it out in person with someone, or talk it out on here - we do care and you're here for the exact same reason that we all are
Peace.
Zanna is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to Zanna For This Useful Post:
Dee74 (05-17-2019), entropy1964 (05-18-2019), Fearlessat50 (05-18-2019), least (05-17-2019), thomas11 (05-17-2019)
Old 05-17-2019, 07:21 PM   #4 (permalink)
Member
 

Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 191
I tend to have a problem wanting things to happen NOW (and my way). But Iím learning to have patience and have faith things will work out. Keeping plugging along Thomas.
AtomicBlue is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to AtomicBlue For This Useful Post:
Dee74 (05-17-2019), Fearlessat50 (05-18-2019), least (05-17-2019), mnjen (05-18-2019), thomas11 (05-17-2019)
Old 05-17-2019, 07:32 PM   #5 (permalink)
bona fido dog-lover
 
least's Avatar
 

Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: eastern USA
Posts: 78,457
Blog Entries: 32
I hope you're not serious about hurting yourself. What you describe sounds like depression to me. Why not treat it as such and see what happens.
__________________
I'd rather live in my car with my dogs than live in a castle without them.

Dogs may not be our whole lives, but they make our lives whole.

Don't wait for the Last Judgement. It takes place every day. -Albert Camus

Find the good and praise it. - Alex Haley
least is online now   Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to least For This Useful Post:
Fearlessat50 (05-18-2019), thomas11 (05-17-2019)
Old 05-17-2019, 07:33 PM   #6 (permalink)
Member
 
thomas11's Avatar
 

Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 7,883
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
Jeff what on earth makes you think it's not depression?



For a long time, I thought thoughts like that were normal. They're not.

You liked the factory job last time we spoke and were getting some degree of satisfaction from it - are you still doing that?

D
Its ok Dee, and I could continue for some time. But I do not see my entire future cutting paper at a press. I dunno
thomas11 is online now   Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to thomas11 For This Useful Post:
Dee74 (05-17-2019), Fearlessat50 (05-18-2019), least (05-17-2019)
Old 05-17-2019, 07:35 PM   #7 (permalink)
Member
 
thomas11's Avatar
 

Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 7,883
FYI, I am no danger to myself or others. Sometimes because of my background I can be rather cavalier about some pretty serious stuff (death). I do not mean to offend.
thomas11 is online now   Reply With Quote
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to thomas11 For This Useful Post:
Culture (05-18-2019), Dee74 (05-17-2019), Fearlessat50 (05-18-2019), least (05-17-2019)
Old 05-17-2019, 07:44 PM   #8 (permalink)
Administrator
 
Dee74's Avatar
 

Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 175,854
Blog Entries: 1
There's no reason it has to be your future if you don't want it to be Jeff.

I'm lucky I found things to do in my life that I love to do, day in day out.
No reason why you can't keep looking for your version of that

You're 50 something, not 90 something.
This is not the final act - no matter what your fear and self loathing tells you.

And...its worth saying again - just because you get out of bed and go to work everyday and fulfill all your responsibilities and have times you feel ok doesn't mean it's not depression Jeff

https://www.helpguide.org/articles/d...on-in-men.htm/

D
__________________
Dee74 is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to Dee74 For This Useful Post:
Culture (05-18-2019), Fearlessat50 (05-18-2019), least (05-17-2019), thomas11 (05-17-2019), trailmix (05-18-2019)
Old 05-17-2019, 07:47 PM   #9 (permalink)
Member
 
thomas11's Avatar
 

Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 7,883
Quote:
Originally Posted by Zanna View Post
I think whether you want to call it 'depression' or sheer boredom, you are at the moment in a position where you are underachieving and it's getting to you.
I have no idea of how you got into this position, but if you managed to bring in X amount of money in your previous position, then you obviously have intelligence that is currently not being used at work. Boredom / depression call it what you want.
As I said, I have no idea what has happened but please, please ditch the 'I'm a white guy' routine - it's not pretty.
Hanging yourself isn't either - talk it out in person with someone, or talk it out on here - we do care and you're here for the exact same reason that we all are
Peace.
100% agree with ditch the white guy routine. Sorry
thomas11 is online now   Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to thomas11 For This Useful Post:
Fearlessat50 (05-18-2019), Zanna (05-20-2019)
Old 05-17-2019, 07:47 PM   #10 (permalink)
Administrator
 
Dee74's Avatar
 

Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 175,854
Blog Entries: 1
Quote:
FYI, I am no danger to myself or others. Sometimes because of my background I can be rather cavalier about some pretty serious stuff (death). I do not mean to offend.
I undertand gallows humour but gotta be honest - I don't really get the sense you're laughing Jeff.

It reads more like you're in pain and you blurt this stuff out....then backpedal on how serious it is.

But if you're telling me I have no cause to worry then I'm gonna take you at your word - and I'll try and remember that in future.

Hope you have a good week ahead man
D
__________________
Dee74 is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to Dee74 For This Useful Post:
Fearlessat50 (05-18-2019), least (05-17-2019), Seren (05-18-2019), thomas11 (05-18-2019), trailmix (05-18-2019), Zanna (05-20-2019)
Old 05-17-2019, 07:55 PM   #11 (permalink)
Member
 
thomas11's Avatar
 

Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 7,883
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
I undertand gallows humour but gotta be honest - I don't really get the sense you're laughing Jeff.

It reads more like you're in pain and you blurt this stuff out....then backpedal on how serious it is.

But if you're telling me I have no cause to worry then I'm gonna take you at your word - and I'll try and remember that in future.

Hope you have a good week ahead man
D
Dee you are more right than you are wrong. Let me elaborate on your thoughts tomorrow. I have issues and we both know that . FYI, you are a very smart man and I don't really even know you. Jeff.
thomas11 is online now   Reply With Quote
The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to thomas11 For This Useful Post:
Culture (05-18-2019), Dee74 (05-17-2019), Fearlessat50 (05-18-2019), least (05-17-2019), MantaLady (05-18-2019), trailmix (05-18-2019)
Old 05-17-2019, 08:02 PM   #12 (permalink)
Member
 
Newbeginning421's Avatar
 

Join Date: Apr 2019
Posts: 290
I am sorry about the rough time you are going through right now and can understand the sense of underachieving and attitude about some serious stuff. I used to play online poker for a living so i too have become a bit desensitized. While things might not be great now if you keep on putting yourself in the right positions to succeed I am sure you will. While i am a bit younger definitely understand where you are coming from but things won't happen over night.
Newbeginning421 is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to Newbeginning421 For This Useful Post:
Dee74 (05-17-2019), Fearlessat50 (05-18-2019), least (05-17-2019), thomas11 (05-18-2019)
Old 05-17-2019, 08:05 PM   #13 (permalink)
Member
 

Join Date: Oct 2018
Posts: 471
I understand, I have two masters degrees and canít find stable work. Iím at my wits end and feeling hopeless. Itís a full moon 🌕 stay strong, keep at it. It will turn around. Drinking wonít make anything better I can promise that.
mariposa is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to mariposa For This Useful Post:
Dee74 (05-17-2019), Fearlessat50 (05-18-2019), least (05-17-2019), thomas11 (05-18-2019)
Old 05-18-2019, 04:25 AM   #14 (permalink)
Member
 
thomas11's Avatar
 

Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 7,883
Quote:
Originally Posted by mariposa View Post
I understand, I have two masters degrees and canít find stable work. Iím at my wits end and feeling hopeless. Itís a full moon 🌕 stay strong, keep at it. It will turn around. Drinking wonít make anything better I can promise that.
Thanks for this. I feel for ya. Its very frustrating and yesterday came some bad news about a job I really wanted. Therefore my frustration level was a 10 out of 10 and I vented here.

Now that I've thrown my little hissy fit, I will get back to the task at hand which is getting a decent job.
thomas11 is online now   Reply With Quote
The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to thomas11 For This Useful Post:
Culture (05-18-2019), Dee74 (05-18-2019), Fearlessat50 (05-18-2019), Happyvale (05-18-2019), least (05-18-2019), MantaLady (05-18-2019), undertow321 (05-18-2019)
Old 05-18-2019, 04:32 AM   #15 (permalink)
It means 'star', as in the sky
 
Seren's Avatar
 

Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,080
Blog Entries: 8
Hey thomas,

I've followed your story for a while, and I get your frustration. I'm in my, er, early 50's, too. I started graduate school late in life. It took a while for me to get a job. It's not a great paying job, but the work is satisfying, and my boss is great!

I hope you'll keep working toward the kind of work you really want to do. You are talented and you do have a future. I think it's just a matter of finding a boss who recognizes that!

Hang in there!
__________________
The ordinary acts we practice every day at home
are of more importance to the soul than their simplicity might suggest.
~ St. Thomas More
Seren is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to Seren For This Useful Post:
Culture (05-18-2019), Dee74 (05-18-2019), Fearlessat50 (05-18-2019), least (05-18-2019), thomas11 (05-18-2019)
Old 05-18-2019, 04:37 AM   #16 (permalink)
Member
 
biminiblue's Avatar
 

Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 17,732
I know you got your Real Estate license not that long ago. When I sold Real Estate there were brokers who would let agents hang their license in their office and then pretty much leave us to our own devices. It was a great part-time avocation. Is there a reason you can't continue to do RE part time and do your other job too? Lots of people get started in RE that way, it's not easy to get up and going in RE since it's entirely commission, but it's a good way to supplement other income.

Mid life crises hit all of us. I'm female but my fifties were tough. Too old to be young and too young to be old, as the Kathy Bates character laments in, "Fried Green Tomatoes."

Keep going, you're okay.
__________________
The cure for anything is salt water: sweat, tears, or the sea.
~ Isak Dinesen
biminiblue is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to biminiblue For This Useful Post:
Dee74 (05-18-2019), entropy1964 (05-18-2019), Fearlessat50 (05-18-2019), least (05-18-2019), mnjen (05-18-2019), thomas11 (05-18-2019)
Old 05-18-2019, 12:16 PM   #17 (permalink)
Member
 

Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 4,721
As a woman in her early 50's that has to start working soon I have plenty of fears about not being 'hire-able'. Part of me says "No way, It'll be fine". The other part isn't so sure. And that is compounded by a brother of mine saying to me "What? You're going to work? Doing what? Who would hire you?". Thank you for that. Of course internalizing that is a WHOLE other story and obviously on me to refute. But a little encouragement would have been nice....or just "Oh ok. Good luck with that". Ha!

You are so right Bimini....too young to be old, too old to be young. Could this be the 'tweens of the latter years? Oh god I'm an 8th grader again.

The depression seems separate. I mean, obviously when our job sucks that is depressing. But depression, as in clinical, is different. Maybe keep an open mind with the therapist? Might actually help with the job prospects over time.
entropy1964 is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to entropy1964 For This Useful Post:
biminiblue (05-19-2019), Fearlessat50 (05-18-2019), least (05-18-2019), mnjen (05-18-2019)
Old 05-18-2019, 12:49 PM   #18 (permalink)
Administrator
 
Anna's Avatar
 

Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 51,397
Jeff, I spent about 6 months job-hunting in my mid-fifties and I was pleasantly surprised. My children were grown, this was a new phase in my life, and I was very enthusiastic about working again. The employers I talked to really appreciated that.

I agree with what Dee and others said about depression. Playing along with a therapist who says you are depressed, while you insist you are not, won't help you heal. How can you be sure you aren't depressed?
__________________
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.

Marianne Williamson
Anna is online now   Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Anna For This Useful Post:
Dee74 (05-18-2019), Fearlessat50 (05-18-2019)
Old 05-18-2019, 01:21 PM   #19 (permalink)
Member
 
Happyvale's Avatar
 

Join Date: May 2019
Posts: 141
Quote:
Originally Posted by thomas11 View Post
Thanks for this. I feel for ya. Its very frustrating and yesterday came some bad news about a job I really wanted. Therefore my frustration level was a 10 out of 10 and I vented here.

Now that I've thrown my little hissy fit, I will get back to the task at hand which is getting a decent job.
Good to hear. I walked out of my office in the throes of a hissy fit myself the other day (not even a week into sobriety)... the task before me may result in a loss of a well paying job I believe I am very good at ...in my early 50's. I understand your fears...wholeheartedly. But a person has gotta do...what a person gots to do! I am taking some heart in Dee's signature line.... if it doesn't end well ...not the end. Fingers crossed for us all lol.
Happyvale is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to Happyvale For This Useful Post:
Dee74 (05-18-2019), Fearlessat50 (05-18-2019), mnjen (05-18-2019), Newbeginning421 (05-18-2019)
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools


Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 10:43 AM.