Alone in a room full of people
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2020
Posts: 30
Alone in a room full of people
That's how I feel right now.
I'm in the beautiful house i grew up in with all of the people who care about me the most, and i them.
I feel like they're a bunch of strangers, I've got nothing to say. I feel completely numb.
I need a drink. I feel completely lost without alcohol.
Day 5.
This is ****.
I'm in the beautiful house i grew up in with all of the people who care about me the most, and i them.
I feel like they're a bunch of strangers, I've got nothing to say. I feel completely numb.
I need a drink. I feel completely lost without alcohol.
Day 5.
This is ****.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 2,909
This is ****.
Any time I decided stopping wasn't worth the effort and misery, alcohol was always happy to jump in and supply me with twice the misery and pain.
Sobriety is Traditional
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Orcas Island, Washington
Posts: 9,064
Whoa, wait a minute--you don't need a drink! That is the last thing you need right now. FIve days sober is great! Don't put yourself through day one again.
I have been sober eight years with the help of AA and this forum. Read around and post often--it works if you work it!
Here's some good threads to join:
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...-part-1-a.html
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...er-2020-a.html (Sober Weekenders - Weekenders 13-16 November 2020)
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ml#post7541744 (24 Hour Recovery Connections Part 506)
I suggest you check your local AA for a listing of online meetings. Here is one group out of thousands (near Seattle, GMT -8h). There are several meetings starting soon (10 am PST).
https://eastsideaa.org/meetings/?tsml-type=ONL
I have been sober eight years with the help of AA and this forum. Read around and post often--it works if you work it!
Here's some good threads to join:
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...-part-1-a.html
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...er-2020-a.html (Sober Weekenders - Weekenders 13-16 November 2020)
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ml#post7541744 (24 Hour Recovery Connections Part 506)
I suggest you check your local AA for a listing of online meetings. Here is one group out of thousands (near Seattle, GMT -8h). There are several meetings starting soon (10 am PST).
https://eastsideaa.org/meetings/?tsml-type=ONL
Last edited by Coldfusion; 11-15-2020 at 09:29 AM. Reason: spelling
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
You don't need a drink. You may want one - and there's a huge difference.
Five days...I wanted to crawl out of my own skin at five days, I do remember the discomfort and free-fall feeling.
Today? I wish I could sell the peace and contentment I've found in sobriety. I would be a multi-billionaire.
Hang on! It will get better.
Five days...I wanted to crawl out of my own skin at five days, I do remember the discomfort and free-fall feeling.
Today? I wish I could sell the peace and contentment I've found in sobriety. I would be a multi-billionaire.
Hang on! It will get better.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,537
Hi, Pure. Believe me, we all understand how that feels. It's part of adjusting to our new life without our 'buffer'.
It was so unhealthy & self-sabotaging to keep drinking - but I did it for 30 yrs. I never learned to handle life or challenges in a normal way. It feels very odd and uncomfortable for a while - we're very disoriented. Please know that it won't stay this way. If it did, few of us would be able to sustain sobriety. I had a couple of rough months - but then grew to love being awake & aware. No hangovers, remorse, regret. Keep going.
It was so unhealthy & self-sabotaging to keep drinking - but I did it for 30 yrs. I never learned to handle life or challenges in a normal way. It feels very odd and uncomfortable for a while - we're very disoriented. Please know that it won't stay this way. If it did, few of us would be able to sustain sobriety. I had a couple of rough months - but then grew to love being awake & aware. No hangovers, remorse, regret. Keep going.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2020
Location: Near the mountains
Posts: 1,541
Originally Posted by nez 
Any time I decided stopping wasn't worth the effort and misery, alcohol was always happy to jump in and supply me with twice the misery and pain.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2020
Location: Near the mountains
Posts: 1,541
I know how you feel I don't have a whole lot to say myself. On top of it some of my family and friends get on my nerves sometimes. Sure, if I picked up a drink right now I would be more talkative and social but then I would be harming myself. Again. I can't let that happen.
Not The Way way, Just the way
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: US
Posts: 1,413
Hi PS,
Here’s from your first post five days ago.
And here you are at less than a week, so what makes this a more difficult month off?
GT
PostScript: Also, when you think/speak of your past drinking, experiment by putting it all into the past tense instead of the present tense. “I kept going through...”, “I had a month...”, “drinking periods were getting worse.” The weirdness of how that sounds and feels to you is evidence of a deeply seated habit that does NOT want to be denied ITs future use of alcohol.
But putting it all in the past is how YOU’d really like it to be, right?
Here’s from your first post five days ago.
I have a steadily worsening drinking problem. I keep going through the perpetual relapse/recovery cycle. I'll have a month off followed by a month of drinking and so on. The worrying thing is that the drinking periods are getting worse.
And here you are at less than a week, so what makes this a more difficult month off?
GT
PostScript: Also, when you think/speak of your past drinking, experiment by putting it all into the past tense instead of the present tense. “I kept going through...”, “I had a month...”, “drinking periods were getting worse.” The weirdness of how that sounds and feels to you is evidence of a deeply seated habit that does NOT want to be denied ITs future use of alcohol.
But putting it all in the past is how YOU’d really like it to be, right?
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,384
Hey pureself
early recovery is the time of great emotional upheaval.
it’s kind of like a rollercoaster sometimes, so don’t fall for the trap of thinking how you feel today is your new ‘normal’ because I’ll bet you it’s not
In the longer term I found myself feeling alone in a room full of people all my life.... but getting into recovery helped me start to feel comfortable and confident in my own company - and that has gone along way to me not feeling quite so alone or quite so awkward when being around others these days.
I am sure that can happen for you too - hang in there!
D
early recovery is the time of great emotional upheaval.
it’s kind of like a rollercoaster sometimes, so don’t fall for the trap of thinking how you feel today is your new ‘normal’ because I’ll bet you it’s not
In the longer term I found myself feeling alone in a room full of people all my life.... but getting into recovery helped me start to feel comfortable and confident in my own company - and that has gone along way to me not feeling quite so alone or quite so awkward when being around others these days.
I am sure that can happen for you too - hang in there!
D
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 293
I very much understand what you are feeling. One of the creepiest feelings I experienced was when I was at the lowest point in my drinking. I was in a black pit of depression struggling to cope without help. I looked over at my husband who I loved and had been with for over 16 years and I felt nothing for him. It was awful. He felt the awful strangeness between us as well and we were both helpless. I didn't realize that a human being could loose their feelings like that.
That was 10 years ago and it has been a long rode to recovery but I am here now. Almost three years sober. I am grateful everyday to feel peace and an uncomplicated love for the people in my life.
You can have your life back but it takes a commitment from you. I had to break the cycle and bear the extreme discomfort to get where I am today. You can do this. Stay close and keep posting.
That was 10 years ago and it has been a long rode to recovery but I am here now. Almost three years sober. I am grateful everyday to feel peace and an uncomplicated love for the people in my life.
You can have your life back but it takes a commitment from you. I had to break the cycle and bear the extreme discomfort to get where I am today. You can do this. Stay close and keep posting.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2019
Location: K.C.MO
Posts: 425
The desire to stay sober is there. Stay strong. A great book that explains how you became addicted to alcohol and what it does to the body and how the body metabolizes alcohol, This Naked Mind by Annie Grace. It will help you understand so many things.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2020
Posts: 30
Thank you for the replies everyone.
I think the area for me that requires the most growth and improvement is socialising sober. Day to day I generally like being sober, I'm better at everything, clearer in my mind, more present, less anxious and happier. It's as soon as I'm in a social setting that I obsessively think about drinking, my av trying to convince me to drink.
I think Christmas is going to be tough!
Day 11
I think the area for me that requires the most growth and improvement is socialising sober. Day to day I generally like being sober, I'm better at everything, clearer in my mind, more present, less anxious and happier. It's as soon as I'm in a social setting that I obsessively think about drinking, my av trying to convince me to drink.
I think Christmas is going to be tough!
Day 11
Not The Way way, Just the way
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: US
Posts: 1,413
Originally Posted by Pureself
Thank you for the replies everyone.
I think the area for me that requires the most growth and improvement is socialising sober. Day to day I generally like being sober, I'm better at everything, clearer in my mind, more present, less anxious and happier. It's as soon as I'm in a social setting that I obsessively think about drinking, my av trying to convince me to drink.
I think Christmas is going to be tough!
Day 11
I think the area for me that requires the most growth and improvement is socialising sober. Day to day I generally like being sober, I'm better at everything, clearer in my mind, more present, less anxious and happier. It's as soon as I'm in a social setting that I obsessively think about drinking, my av trying to convince me to drink.
I think Christmas is going to be tough!
Day 11
This year will be the first year for you to reveal an aura of non-inebriety. As the years and decades roll by, that evolving aura will become woven into all your relationships particularly those with your children, because holidays are big with family.
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