Dealing With Regrets
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: London
Posts: 170
Dealing With Regrets
Ive read no end online of how people deal with regrets, im afraid their story is different.
They lose everything start fresh and gain everything back, i cant get back to what i had, what i was doing. Because of drink and drugs my life is so much harder than it should of been, and theres no getting it back.
Its the main thing that keeps me depressed, keeps me stuck in this rut, keeps me using. I know if i stopped and cleaned up tomorrow my life would still be crap but id just be more aware of it.
I have no education so i was lucky to be so sorted at a young age, but i wasted it, wasted relationships, even wasted second chances.
I have no family left, I lost all my friends when i stopped drinking 5 years ago.
I'm doing a job thats beneath me but i can do it, and they except my chequered past.
Thing is its hard work for low pay, and i dont fit in with then, it is also really hard on my back where i have a slipped disc.
I left school very young to work so cant go college.
If id just have kept on doing what i was doing id have been extremely wealthy and still be with my wife, instead of a life thats so tough and with no options.
Anyone ever been in such a crap postion in kife they've realised sobriety was a mistake.
Its how i feel when i quit opiates, although its worse when its the withdrawls i know that, thanks for your time x
They lose everything start fresh and gain everything back, i cant get back to what i had, what i was doing. Because of drink and drugs my life is so much harder than it should of been, and theres no getting it back.
Its the main thing that keeps me depressed, keeps me stuck in this rut, keeps me using. I know if i stopped and cleaned up tomorrow my life would still be crap but id just be more aware of it.
I have no education so i was lucky to be so sorted at a young age, but i wasted it, wasted relationships, even wasted second chances.
I have no family left, I lost all my friends when i stopped drinking 5 years ago.
I'm doing a job thats beneath me but i can do it, and they except my chequered past.
Thing is its hard work for low pay, and i dont fit in with then, it is also really hard on my back where i have a slipped disc.
I left school very young to work so cant go college.
If id just have kept on doing what i was doing id have been extremely wealthy and still be with my wife, instead of a life thats so tough and with no options.
Anyone ever been in such a crap postion in kife they've realised sobriety was a mistake.
Its how i feel when i quit opiates, although its worse when its the withdrawls i know that, thanks for your time x
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,373
Hi I WalktheLine
I think it's really hard to deal with regrets until we stop doing the behaviour thats causing us regret.
It took me a few months of sobriety to even start to be able to let go of things in the past.
I would go through periods where I'd drink less or smoke less weed and call that sobriety and I've give it a few weeks, or sometimes even a few months amd eventually conclude it sucked.
But it really wasn't any kind of real change to my normal drug taking and drinking life. It was at best a temporary slowing down of the slow motion car crash that my active addiction history was.
Real, sobriety, real recovery was different.
Also, for the record, I didn't get back everything I lost.
I lost someone very important to me - my first partner in life.
I haven't heard from here for 25 years and I don't expect I ever will now.
It took me another relationship break down and then several years after that to stop drinking...but eventually I did.
I got sober anyway, despite my losses and regrets, moved on with my life, and in time I found others who liked and loved me for the person I was.
I could never have dreamed the life I lead now for myself - but its better than any of the daydreams I had back then.
D
I think it's really hard to deal with regrets until we stop doing the behaviour thats causing us regret.
It took me a few months of sobriety to even start to be able to let go of things in the past.
I would go through periods where I'd drink less or smoke less weed and call that sobriety and I've give it a few weeks, or sometimes even a few months amd eventually conclude it sucked.
But it really wasn't any kind of real change to my normal drug taking and drinking life. It was at best a temporary slowing down of the slow motion car crash that my active addiction history was.
Real, sobriety, real recovery was different.
Also, for the record, I didn't get back everything I lost.
I lost someone very important to me - my first partner in life.
I haven't heard from here for 25 years and I don't expect I ever will now.
It took me another relationship break down and then several years after that to stop drinking...but eventually I did.
I got sober anyway, despite my losses and regrets, moved on with my life, and in time I found others who liked and loved me for the person I was.
I could never have dreamed the life I lead now for myself - but its better than any of the daydreams I had back then.
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: London
Posts: 170
Life is just so tough now, and apart from my girlfriend if anythjng happened no one would notice, i feel like its all pointless, working this hard, for what?
Ive got convictions i cant shift, how do i make thjngs better? Even if i was sober.
Sorry to hear about your first love, i know the pain, thanks for replying.
Ive got convictions i cant shift, how do i make thjngs better? Even if i was sober.
Sorry to hear about your first love, i know the pain, thanks for replying.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
I would suggest that you give complete continuous abstinence a full year.
It took me nearly that long to have the depression and, "It's not worth it," feelings really lift completely. I believe I caused all that with my alcohol consumption. It changes biological systems.
Start with a daily Gratitude list. At the end of each day write down on paper three things for which you are grateful. It's simple and life-changing. I did it every day.
I have had my fair share (but really, what's "fair"?) of sadness, loss, trauma AND self-inflicted pain and self-pity. I still can choose how I react to events past and present, and how I move forward.
The past is over, IWTL. It's okay to take a peek now and then, but I don't stare in the rear view mirror. It's not the way I'm headed and it's over/unchangeable.
It took me nearly that long to have the depression and, "It's not worth it," feelings really lift completely. I believe I caused all that with my alcohol consumption. It changes biological systems.
Start with a daily Gratitude list. At the end of each day write down on paper three things for which you are grateful. It's simple and life-changing. I did it every day.
I have had my fair share (but really, what's "fair"?) of sadness, loss, trauma AND self-inflicted pain and self-pity. I still can choose how I react to events past and present, and how I move forward.
The past is over, IWTL. It's okay to take a peek now and then, but I don't stare in the rear view mirror. It's not the way I'm headed and it's over/unchangeable.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,473
I think many of us feel we can never overcome the obstacles we've created while drinking/using drugs. But, I believe you can, though you may not go back to the same life you had. Things may be different, but good.
I urge you to focus on what you CAN do and what you CAN change. It may only be one small thing that you can begin to change today, but it will be a start.
I urge you to focus on what you CAN do and what you CAN change. It may only be one small thing that you can begin to change today, but it will be a start.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by IWalkTheLine 
Its the main thing that keeps me depressed, keeps me stuck in this rut, keeps me using.
There are any number of people that deal with hardships and pain equal to or worse than yours with dignity, courage, and positivity--and not by escape into drink and drugs.
Get clean, learn to face what life has dealt you, then straighten things out.
AA Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: Silicon Valley
Posts: 2,977
Originally Posted by doggonecarl
it's addiction that keeps you using....not life.
There are any number of people that deal with hardships and pain equal to or worse than yours with dignity, courage, and positivity--and not by escape into drink and drugs.
Get clean, learn to face what life has dealt you, then straighten things out.
There are any number of people that deal with hardships and pain equal to or worse than yours with dignity, courage, and positivity--and not by escape into drink and drugs.
Get clean, learn to face what life has dealt you, then straighten things out.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: Sydney, Australia
Posts: 118
Originally Posted by doggonecarl
it's addiction that keeps you using....not life.
There are any number of people that deal with hardships and pain equal to or worse than yours with dignity, courage, and positivity--and not by escape into drink and drugs.
Get clean, learn to face what life has dealt you, then straighten things out.
There are any number of people that deal with hardships and pain equal to or worse than yours with dignity, courage, and positivity--and not by escape into drink and drugs.
Get clean, learn to face what life has dealt you, then straighten things out.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2019
Posts: 412
I am new to sobriety and 100 percent have had same mindset as you. The thing I have realized is what is option 2? Will we ever completely make up for lost time and the ruins we left around us, probably not but the past is over nothing we can do about it. We have to live the best way possible from this day forward and from what i seen things are never as dire as one views things at the time. I remember thinking my life was over when I did bad on the SAT exam, when my ex girlfriend broke up with me and multiple other times and looking back seems ridiculous now. Not saying you are not going through issues but I understand the mindset of might as well drink situation is hopeless anyway i missed my chance and given how I thought this about a bunch of other stuff I know almost every situation is not hopeless and can be dug out. I have never even gave 1 year sobriety a chance and doing it now, what do I have to lose to see if things change cause I can always go back to drinking. I feel sobriety will be an amazing blessing hope you join me for the ride!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: New England
Posts: 1,224
Originally Posted by Newbeginning421
I am new to sobriety and 100 percent have had same mindset as you. The thing I have realized is what is option 2? Will we ever completely make up for lost time and the ruins we left around us, probably not but the past is over nothing we can do about it. We have to live the best way possible from this day forward and from what i seen things are never as dire as one views things at the time. I remember thinking my life was over when I did bad on the SAT exam, when my ex girlfriend broke up with me and multiple other times and looking back seems ridiculous now. Not saying you are not going through issues but I understand the mindset of might as well drink situation is hopeless anyway i missed my chance and given how I thought this about a bunch of other stuff I know almost every situation is not hopeless and can be dug out. I have never even gave 1 year sobriety a chance and doing it now, what do I have to lose to see if things change cause I can always go back to drinking. I feel sobriety will be an amazing blessing hope you join me for the ride!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Phoenix
Posts: 1,189
I left school very young to work so cant go college.
I went back to school in my mid forties. You can go to college, if you want to.
I lost many things to drinking, some I have never gotten back. The losses I had endured kept me in the cycle of active alcoholism, when I finally broke the cycle I was close to losing myself as well.
Right now you need peace, more than you need to regain the losses from the drugs and drinking.
You can do this, believe you can do anything, sober!
I went back to school in my mid forties. You can go to college, if you want to.
I lost many things to drinking, some I have never gotten back. The losses I had endured kept me in the cycle of active alcoholism, when I finally broke the cycle I was close to losing myself as well.
Right now you need peace, more than you need to regain the losses from the drugs and drinking.
You can do this, believe you can do anything, sober!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2018
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 1,339
Yes, I think you get it when you say that all we can do is move forward from where we are, and that is what I am doing. Some things I will never have (again) because of my past, but I cannot steep myself in anxiety or pity for what will not be. Let us all try to live our days with the fortitude that we are doing the right things and doing the best that we can do, despite all obstacles. Drinking just gets in the way of everything and that eventually destroys all completely for us.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
I found that when I let go of "getting it back" and instead embraced "creating my best life possible" - it made a big difference.
You may be correct that there are things you will never get 'back'. In fact, you're PROBABLY correct.
But, when you choose to embrace sobriety, do the work, forgive yourself, make amends where you can, let go where you can't and move on into the best life you can create for yourself..... you will find that those things you can't get back will no longer matter.
There are infinite possibilities in this blessed life.
When we open to them and when we choose to drop the rocks we're carrying from our disappointments, regrets, hurt.... then life lights up with brilliance we never imagined.
You may be correct that there are things you will never get 'back'. In fact, you're PROBABLY correct.
But, when you choose to embrace sobriety, do the work, forgive yourself, make amends where you can, let go where you can't and move on into the best life you can create for yourself..... you will find that those things you can't get back will no longer matter.
There are infinite possibilities in this blessed life.
When we open to them and when we choose to drop the rocks we're carrying from our disappointments, regrets, hurt.... then life lights up with brilliance we never imagined.
Giving up is NOT an option.
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Western Wisconsin
Posts: 7,808
What FreeOwl and DoggoneCarl said, 100%.
Yes, it's true you probably won't get back everything you have lost. I didn't. But life is full of other possibilities. You just have to give yourself a chance to discover them.
Yes, it's true you probably won't get back everything you have lost. I didn't. But life is full of other possibilities. You just have to give yourself a chance to discover them.
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