This is a struggle I'm in
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,416
Hi Ollie 
Yeah the great wish is being able to moderate....honestly tho I think if you've been drinking daily/nightly for a long time, you're going to find it very hard to moderate your drinking for any real length of time.
Be honest with yourself. Set a limit and do not go over that limit.
If you find yourself moving the goalposts...well, there's your answer.
Good luck
D
Yeah the great wish is being able to moderate....honestly tho I think if you've been drinking daily/nightly for a long time, you're going to find it very hard to moderate your drinking for any real length of time.
Be honest with yourself. Set a limit and do not go over that limit.
If you find yourself moving the goalposts...well, there's your answer.
Good luck
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2019
Posts: 16
Thanks Dee, and for the wise words
I will need some months to try.....but I will let you know. Unless I abandon earlier because its not working and speak sooner.
Footnote: I can't find a 'moderation recovery' site out there that has any real depth to help me hence me and SR. About right, I am on the cusp I'm sure. 3 choices for me as I see it: 1. A life and potential cut short by alcohol over use 2. Re-align to small levels for health and clear headedness3. Give up completelty because I cant achieve 2.
It has accured to me lately that along the way I have lost myself without knowing so. At the same time alcohol as much as anything may have forged me and finally brought me to this revelation.
Charles Bukowski said it takes endurance to be a drunk. He is right and my endurance is giving out. I take the image and new found feeling that compared with just thinking I am living a 'normal' life but drinking too much compared to others and of course the doctors advice, could in fact be me smouthered with an alcohol blanket. And If I took off the blanket what would life finally look like? Like I said, I went 31/2 months sober so I had a taster. I did experience withdrawal muscle tics, nights sweats, anxiety in the first few days. Then boredom, tears, cravings, and no sex drive. The second list made me realise what a real struggle going sober is. I was proud to get to 109 days sober and was happier and learnt a lot. For one I learnt that feeling like **** in the morning is not just about the alcohol the night before, its also about staying up late into the night drinking! I.E. lack of sleep. I put too much emphasis on the drinking before but the point is I could't know that before I stopped drinking. I was seeing a counceller at the time because my dad was dying of cancer and the drinking came out and I also saw her through my sober period. I talked about on the one hand all the new found feel goods compared to wanting to get drunk on the other hand. She was a great councellor, and at that end we agreed we had learnt from each other. She said she had learnt that a bottle of wine is 10 units because she didnt drink. I realised I was on another planet.
That was a long footnote sorry! Good to open up a bit and have SR to talk to thankyou
I will need some months to try.....but I will let you know. Unless I abandon earlier because its not working and speak sooner.
Footnote: I can't find a 'moderation recovery' site out there that has any real depth to help me hence me and SR. About right, I am on the cusp I'm sure. 3 choices for me as I see it: 1. A life and potential cut short by alcohol over use 2. Re-align to small levels for health and clear headedness3. Give up completelty because I cant achieve 2.
It has accured to me lately that along the way I have lost myself without knowing so. At the same time alcohol as much as anything may have forged me and finally brought me to this revelation.
Charles Bukowski said it takes endurance to be a drunk. He is right and my endurance is giving out. I take the image and new found feeling that compared with just thinking I am living a 'normal' life but drinking too much compared to others and of course the doctors advice, could in fact be me smouthered with an alcohol blanket. And If I took off the blanket what would life finally look like? Like I said, I went 31/2 months sober so I had a taster. I did experience withdrawal muscle tics, nights sweats, anxiety in the first few days. Then boredom, tears, cravings, and no sex drive. The second list made me realise what a real struggle going sober is. I was proud to get to 109 days sober and was happier and learnt a lot. For one I learnt that feeling like **** in the morning is not just about the alcohol the night before, its also about staying up late into the night drinking! I.E. lack of sleep. I put too much emphasis on the drinking before but the point is I could't know that before I stopped drinking. I was seeing a counceller at the time because my dad was dying of cancer and the drinking came out and I also saw her through my sober period. I talked about on the one hand all the new found feel goods compared to wanting to get drunk on the other hand. She was a great councellor, and at that end we agreed we had learnt from each other. She said she had learnt that a bottle of wine is 10 units because she didnt drink. I realised I was on another planet.
That was a long footnote sorry! Good to open up a bit and have SR to talk to thankyou
Member
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 5,169
I'm sorry that whatever it was ruined your drinking. Most of us here tried moderation before we got serious, but it didn't work. However, one of the unexpected surprises in recovery for me was realizing how unnecessary drinking is in my life. That may not seem like a terribly big insight, but to me it was on the order of stunning. At one time, I thought I needed to be able to drink, if only on rare special occasions where it was expected. Looking back now, I cannot understand why I thought that was important. Lots of people don't drink, and many of them aren't even alcoholics. For them no special occasion requires alcohol.
I don't know you, however. Moderation may be something you can pull off. You might not be an alcoholic. Either way, you should probably deal with the guilt you feel from drinking. And if such time in the future, if you recognize that you do have a problem with alcohol, you know where to find us.
I don't know you, however. Moderation may be something you can pull off. You might not be an alcoholic. Either way, you should probably deal with the guilt you feel from drinking. And if such time in the future, if you recognize that you do have a problem with alcohol, you know where to find us.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 850
Hey Ollie,
Don't leave SR completely. Just because you're thinking about moderation or actively drinking doesn't mean you're unwelcome here. Dee just means that none of us will ever recommend moderation or drinking/drug use of any type.
There's so much history and information on this forum that's helpful. You can also keep posting too just as long as you don't advocate drinking/drug use. (I think I have the rules right anyway).
Either way, I wish you the best of luck and hope you stick around.
Don't leave SR completely. Just because you're thinking about moderation or actively drinking doesn't mean you're unwelcome here. Dee just means that none of us will ever recommend moderation or drinking/drug use of any type.
There's so much history and information on this forum that's helpful. You can also keep posting too just as long as you don't advocate drinking/drug use. (I think I have the rules right anyway).
Either way, I wish you the best of luck and hope you stick around.
Member
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 1,951
Ollie,
I understand what you are going through. I am in a similar position here trying to moderate and somehow managing to be successful. I am here almost everyday and believe it keeps me in check.
Ultimately, I feel I should not fret / overthink this. Let me see where i am at the end of this year and course correct as needed.
Probably you might want to do the same as well, if at all you are not ready for complete abstinence.
I understand what you are going through. I am in a similar position here trying to moderate and somehow managing to be successful. I am here almost everyday and believe it keeps me in check.
Ultimately, I feel I should not fret / overthink this. Let me see where i am at the end of this year and course correct as needed.
Probably you might want to do the same as well, if at all you are not ready for complete abstinence.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2019
Posts: 16
Hi DMGuy, dpae414, Dee and Calmself
I dont want to go really, I am not here to promote drinking as I am closer to giving it up. DMGuy loved you had Stunning insight on going sober. Calmself I am trying not to fret or ovethink like you. Are you trying to moderate as well?
I dont want to go really, I am not here to promote drinking as I am closer to giving it up. DMGuy loved you had Stunning insight on going sober. Calmself I am trying not to fret or ovethink like you. Are you trying to moderate as well?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2019
Posts: 16
Hi All
I feel like stopping posting for now, not because I don't feel welcome, but because after every time I post the next day I feel bad! I think this is because I dont feel genuine to be here (also I post when Ive been drinking which I dont like). My drinking problem feels genuine and desperate to me at times but my chioce to persue moderation on this site doesn't sit well for me. As if I need to get on with the trial, then either celebrate success or come back a failure and you will be here for me. Thanks for all your support so far, I will revert to a watcher again I'm sure and the positivity that gives. But I can't help myself can I after having a drink sharing a little more and revealing a little more about myself that my mum is an alcoholic and I am today dealing with the fallout from her drunkenss during a family occassion i didn't attend last week. She kept it together for the last two years when caring for my dad who was seriously ill before he died but she also kept her dependency and relience on alcohol, she switched to vodka for the clearness and smell. She strikes me a sad figurehead and me feeling like her parent these days. And her's me coming up to take her place if I'm not careful!
I feel like stopping posting for now, not because I don't feel welcome, but because after every time I post the next day I feel bad! I think this is because I dont feel genuine to be here (also I post when Ive been drinking which I dont like). My drinking problem feels genuine and desperate to me at times but my chioce to persue moderation on this site doesn't sit well for me. As if I need to get on with the trial, then either celebrate success or come back a failure and you will be here for me. Thanks for all your support so far, I will revert to a watcher again I'm sure and the positivity that gives. But I can't help myself can I after having a drink sharing a little more and revealing a little more about myself that my mum is an alcoholic and I am today dealing with the fallout from her drunkenss during a family occassion i didn't attend last week. She kept it together for the last two years when caring for my dad who was seriously ill before he died but she also kept her dependency and relience on alcohol, she switched to vodka for the clearness and smell. She strikes me a sad figurehead and me feeling like her parent these days. And her's me coming up to take her place if I'm not careful!
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