Hi new to posting here Borderline personality no real family but very optimistic!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2019
Posts: 412
Hi new to posting here Borderline personality no real family but very optimistic!
Hey so figure I would introduce myself! While I have realized I have needed to quit drugs and alcohol for awhile this time is different. Hopefully I am not breaking forum rules but I know this time is different because I am sure I want to live now when in the past it was constant up and downs based on my mood. I am 32 now and was diagnosed with Borderline personality Disorder a few years ago and the mood swings made it tough to get sober. Not sure if it is me getting older as I heard symptoms can lessen with age or something else but living life and drinking I am sure are not compatible. I blew through a lot of cash owe a ton of money and staying with my mom who is a hoarder and mentally ill. Despite my mother knowing about my drug and alcohol issues she often tells me to just go to the bar!She even used to give me money to buy alcohol and drugs at 15 since when i was drunk or high i would not complain about her hoarding. So looking for support on here since have 0 extended family I talk to my father have not talked to in years as he was an abusive parent who the first time I saw arrested i was around 2 years old. Ha this seems like a real depressing first thread but feel I needed to get this off my chest and from what I read on here over the years people are very supportive here. Despite things not going great I feel the best I have ever felt in my life. Overcoming the most extreme symptoms of Borderline Personality disorder my path forward is very clear at this point! Well nice to meet all of you!
You'll find lots of support here for substance abuse and also for mental health. I hope you can use our support to get clean and sober for good. 
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Join Date: Oct 2018
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 1,339
Hello, Newbeginning421, your story is a good place to start, and thank you for sharing some of the details of your history.
While I cannot speak directly to your own mental health diagnosis, having lived with depression, anxiety, and alcohol for years brings me somewhat close to your own experience in dealing with multiple issues.
In the past couple of years I have had to learn to accept help clinically and structurally in living with my own disorders. That means, for me, taking the words of my medical advisers in truthful ways, as well as following a plan of recovery for giving up the booze. For a while I was mixing up my world of dealing with the mental health sides of depression and anxiety with drinking, and that certainly was not working very well at all. By seeing things as a whole, I have endeavored to improve in a lot of ways.
My addiction didn't cause my other mental health problems, but it certainly fed them and upon them as well. I relieved my suffering by drinking and exacerbated my suffering by drinking, a vicious circle. The less I drank the better off I was until I realized I just could not drink at all to be more at peace. I'm not where I want to be 100% but I am feeling so much better now that the addiction is not driving my life the way it once was.
Welcome to SR, and good fortune ahead to you in your own works.
While I cannot speak directly to your own mental health diagnosis, having lived with depression, anxiety, and alcohol for years brings me somewhat close to your own experience in dealing with multiple issues.
In the past couple of years I have had to learn to accept help clinically and structurally in living with my own disorders. That means, for me, taking the words of my medical advisers in truthful ways, as well as following a plan of recovery for giving up the booze. For a while I was mixing up my world of dealing with the mental health sides of depression and anxiety with drinking, and that certainly was not working very well at all. By seeing things as a whole, I have endeavored to improve in a lot of ways.
My addiction didn't cause my other mental health problems, but it certainly fed them and upon them as well. I relieved my suffering by drinking and exacerbated my suffering by drinking, a vicious circle. The less I drank the better off I was until I realized I just could not drink at all to be more at peace. I'm not where I want to be 100% but I am feeling so much better now that the addiction is not driving my life the way it once was.
Welcome to SR, and good fortune ahead to you in your own works.
Member
Join Date: May 2019
Posts: 141
Oh gosh NB421... youth didn't seem like a real easy go hey. A healthy launch from dysfunctional roots requires a rather enormous quantum leap. You yourself sound quite level and insightful... to me anyway. I was very close to someone with BPD so I have read quite a bit about it and yes, I too heard it lessens in severity with age. I was pretty unhealthy myself so our relationship was ridiculous chaotic and well.... there were some very scary and exhausting moments. But I was no walk in the park. He wasn't a drinker but had other issues that made managing his BPD a challenge. Funny...his mom was also a hoarder and morbidly obese. I believe I have also read that "hoarding" occupies the same space in brain as addiction.... OCD too I think.
Anyhoo... glad you've joined us. I'm my first week here myself now ...and it's really been a tremendous comfort. SR is definitely helping keep me sober. Lots of support and wisdom around here.
Anyhoo... glad you've joined us. I'm my first week here myself now ...and it's really been a tremendous comfort. SR is definitely helping keep me sober. Lots of support and wisdom around here.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 102
Welcome to the forum. I struggle with anxiety and probably some depression. It is kind of hard to tell them apart since they feed off of each other. I can relate to what you said about blowing through a lot of cash and owing a lot of money. I had to start over with nothing after I got through rehab and into sober living. I do not have a car at the moment and I sometimes feel stuck here but it is what it is. I was blessed with a job where I can work from home so that helps. I am 30 so I am close to you in age. You can pm me if you ever need to. I just have not been able to get on the forum much lately since I have been working. You help me out by sharing about wanting to stay sober, thank you.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 64
Hi newbie
you are not alone . I have borderline personality disorder and my mother has bipolar disorder. She is the only family I have and we are not speaking at the moment. She is very mean verbally to me so I have decided to cut her off for a while and focus on me. There is a lot going on in my life and I’m struggling to stay sober . I think it’s even harder with constant mood swings . I felt great yesterday now today feeling depressed and craving alcohol. I was diagnosed four years ago , at the age of 18 with BPD and also agoraphobia, anxiety and depression and BDD. It’s hard but I’ve learnt that drinking makes things unbearable.
you need to do what is right for you and try and ignore external negative influences.
Wishing you you the best
you are not alone . I have borderline personality disorder and my mother has bipolar disorder. She is the only family I have and we are not speaking at the moment. She is very mean verbally to me so I have decided to cut her off for a while and focus on me. There is a lot going on in my life and I’m struggling to stay sober . I think it’s even harder with constant mood swings . I felt great yesterday now today feeling depressed and craving alcohol. I was diagnosed four years ago , at the age of 18 with BPD and also agoraphobia, anxiety and depression and BDD. It’s hard but I’ve learnt that drinking makes things unbearable.
you need to do what is right for you and try and ignore external negative influences.
Wishing you you the best
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,526
It's so good to have you with us, Newbeginning. I'm very sorry for all the suffering you've endured. I hope it helps to know you're never alone. Congratulations on your decision to have a better life. You can do it!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: South Bay, So Cal
Posts: 6,116
New beginnings, As other family members here pointed out, you are at the right place! Somehow in searching the Internet I discovered this site. I've been checking in since. My day winds down by coming to SR.
Come often, lots of support & help are available here 24/7.
So good to have you with us!
Bobbi Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,473
I'm glad you found us, NewBeginnings and Day 5 is great. Many of us here have mental health issues too, so we do understand how hard this is. It's great that you feel optimistic about recovery.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2019
Posts: 412
Feeling a bit exhausted and angry today but don't feel like drinking. Just so much to do in terms of rebuilding my life. What i really should say is building a life considering drinking and drugs is about all I have been doing since my teens. While I may not be where I want to be right now I am very grateful that I have my health a place to live a job and no criminal record. Compared to how things could be given my past I have been very very lucky
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2019
Posts: 412
Day 6 has arrived have been sleeping overtime but feeling better. For me I think having purpose is the most important thing to keep me sober. It is not the ups and downs of life that get to me as much as what is the point of anything. Guess I could call it a higher power of sorts is necessary for me to maintain sobriety. I can survive the worst of anything as long as I know their is a purpose otherwise I will say nothing matters and hit the bottle. Hopefully I maintain this attitude!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2019
Posts: 412
Day 7 has arrived and feeling good. From past experience if I can get to the 2 week mark it is much easier after that for me not that it is smooth sailing. Can't remember the last time I have been sober even this long thanks for the support! Going to keep this thread a live till I reach the 2 week mark
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Join Date: May 2019
Posts: 141
Originally Posted by Newbeginning421 
For me I think having purpose is the most important thing to keep me sober. It is not the ups and downs of life that get to me as much as what is the point of anything.
Somewhere in my drunken groundhog solitary I realized it is only with some semblance of lucidity can I assess what I can and cannot accomplish. Does my life truly suck or is there just sh*t you need to deal with?
We all need people and purpose and things to care about. What's left without it?
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