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Old 05-12-2019, 12:32 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Feeling lonely and unsecured !!!...Recent Drink driving conviction.


Hi all,
I drink because I feel lonely and unsecured.I feel unsecured and indecisive at all time.Recently I caught of drink driving and I have no courage to share it to some one.I am fully lost here .Anyone who is facing similar problem please help here.Thanks
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Old 05-12-2019, 12:50 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Welcome to SR, I understand how you feel as I used to get very lonely and felt like some days the bottle was my only friend. But it was no friend and like you I got banned from driving whilst drunk. You are not alone, lots of us here have been through the same. I am glad you found us, donít be too hard on yourself xx
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Old 05-12-2019, 01:04 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Good Afternoon,

I had the same thing happen to me last July, and in a strange way it was a blessing. Thank god no one else was involved and noone was hurt. It really opened my eyes to how bad my drinking was and have not had a drink since. It was the cataylist for me to finally express I needed help. You are going to have some work to do tp get your license back, but trust me as long as you don't panic, it really isn't too bad. This is a good opportunity for you to look at your drinking, which it seems like you are doing, and figure out, if it's time to stop. Losing your license will be tough, butaybe you can use it as a positive turning point for your life!
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Old 05-12-2019, 01:06 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Welcome to the family. I hope you'll use this as motivation to stop drinking for good.
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Old 05-12-2019, 01:17 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Welcome to SR Paulsandy. You will find lots of support and advice here.

I know from my own experience that London can be a lonely and isolating place at the best of times and having an issue with alcohol only makes it worse so I would try see and look at things differently- that maybe it is the alcohol that is making you isolate and heightening the negative feelings that isolation brings. It us not a panacea but if you can stop drinking it will give you a better chance to make lasting friendships.

As far as the drink driving issue goes I would not be inclined to share that information with too many people to be honest, it will not enhance your standing with others (at work for example) The really important thing is to address the drinking that caused you to get caught.
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Old 05-12-2019, 01:44 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Hi Paulsandy and welcome here.

I also felt lonely and insecure while drinking - that is one of the many things alcohol does to us. It wants you to cut yourself off from others so that it can have you all to itself. To ruin your life further and get you to isolate yourself.

SR helped me so much, to engage with others in the same position I am in . It gave me a sense of belonging , which is exactly what I needed.

I hope you find comfort here with us. You have done the right thing coming here. Keep your head up, and stay strong.
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Old 05-12-2019, 01:53 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Welcome to SR, I understand how you feel as I used to get very lonely and felt like some days the bottle was my only friend. But it was no friend and like you I got banned from driving whilst drunk. You are not alone, lots of us here have been through the same. I am glad you found us, donít be too hard on yourself xx
Thanks MantaLady for being with me aside.However I am very sensitive person and living on my own .No extended family and I am so shy to sharing with others.Thinking of its havoc for future I may lose my job,immigration problem,travel problem etc.Could you be a help that how did you get recover from this ?.With love
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Old 05-12-2019, 01:59 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Good Afternoon,

I had the same thing happen to me last July, and in a strange way it was a blessing. Thank god no one else was involved and noone was hurt. It really opened my eyes to how bad my drinking was and have not had a drink since. It was the cataylist for me to finally express I needed help. You are going to have some work to do tp get your license back, but trust me as long as you don't panic, it really isn't too bad. This is a good opportunity for you to look at your drinking, which it seems like you are doing, and figure out, if it's time to stop. Losing your license will be tough, butaybe you can use it as a positive turning point for your life!
HI ,fortunately no one was injured but I have been charged of damaging two vehicles.Will have to pay for them and they are expensive one. Also thinking its impact for future , could be of losing a job,immigration problem, I really cant handle these stress on my own and cant share this to anyone of my friends so I have a severe social anxiety . If I share with GP would be an another problem to get a licence as they will go through my health check up before I get eligible to driving .Any help how to manage a life after this havoc ? .Regards
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Old 05-12-2019, 02:00 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Welcome Paul,

I'm sorry for your situation. I think it would be a good idea for you to get a lawyer, if you have not already done so. You need some good legal advice and help at this point.

I think the main thing is for you to stop drinking so that this never happens again. Also, it would be good to show the court that you are serious about sobriety.
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Old 05-12-2019, 02:03 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Welcome to SR Paulsandy. You will find lots of support and advice here.

I know from my own experience that London can be a lonely and isolating place at the best of times and having an issue with alcohol only makes it worse so I would try see and look at things differently- that maybe it is the alcohol that is making you isolate and heightening the negative feelings that isolation brings. It us not a panacea but if you can stop drinking it will give you a better chance to make lasting friendships.

As far as the drink driving issue goes I would not be inclined to share that information with too many people to be honest, it will not enhance your standing with others (at work for example) The really important thing is to address the drinking that caused you to get caught.

Hi saoutchick,
thank you for being a help .However could be kind enough to share how you could manage all .1. Your drinking.2. Your Job.3. Your social status.4.Your family.5. Your mental wellbeing or any please !.Sending you more blessing from here.Regards
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Old 05-12-2019, 02:08 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Hi Paulsandy and welcome here.

I also felt lonely and insecure while drinking - that is one of the many things alcohol does to us. It wants you to cut yourself off from others so that it can have you all to itself. To ruin your life further and get you to isolate yourself.

SR helped me so much, to engage with others in the same position I am in . It gave me a sense of belonging , which is exactly what I needed.

I hope you find comfort here with us. You have done the right thing coming here. Keep your head up, and stay strong.

Ayers,
We know it makes us isolated however could you share how did you get strengths from here.I want to use these tools in my life too.
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Old 05-12-2019, 02:12 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Welcome Paul,

I'm sorry for your situation. I think it would be a good idea for you to get a lawyer, if you have not already done so. You need some good legal advice and help at this point.

I think the main thing is for you to stop drinking so that this never happens again. Also, it would be good to show the court that you are serious about sobriety.
Thank you Anna,
I have pleaded guilty and got 24 months ban , a community order and fines.Now I am worried about its impact on my life .I shame to disclose to anyone however I need a character reference everywhere in jobs,travel visa ,doing something ect .I am out of finance already and need to payback a huge third party damage.I am hopeless now.How to recover from it ? Any idea please ?
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Old 05-12-2019, 02:54 PM   #13 (permalink)
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If you are interviewing for a job, and you are asked, I think you need to be honest. For a Passport, I'm in Canada, I need to have references, too. And, this cannot be a family member, so it's best to use a co-worker, a pastor, a volunteer coordinator, someone like that. And, there is no reason to tell anyone like that about your DUI, in my opinion.

It could likely make it harder to get a job, but it should be manageable for you.
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Old 05-12-2019, 03:12 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Hi saoutchick,
thank you for being a help .However could be kind enough to share how you could manage all .1. Your drinking.2. Your Job.3. Your social status.4.Your family.5. Your mental wellbeing or any please !.Sending you more blessing from here.Regards
I really couldn't handle my drinking Paulsandy, I was drinking nearly suicidally before I quit and I would not have held my job down for any longer. As for my family, I am divorced and my children (20 somethings) do see me from time to time and we speak but not as often as I would like, there is still some hurt there.

Nothing is more isolating than getting drunk and quitting it will be the biggest single step you will take towards happiness.
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Old 05-12-2019, 05:22 PM   #15 (permalink)
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saoutchik.
Hope you are now peaceful and will get opportunity to be with family soon.
Could you tell me what steps did you take to stay sober ?
Talk you more later,
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Old 05-13-2019, 08:54 AM   #16 (permalink)
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PaulS - my only, and I mean only tools are and were SR.

For the days running up to quit-day and the days after, I spent hours and hours just reading here on the site.

And I didn't drink. Everytime I had an urge to drink, I would log on here/ have a glass of water/ coffee/ take a walk through the garden/ brush my teeth ... anything, just to break that moment.

As the days went by the urges became further and further apart. I started seeing some really positive changes in myself - physically and emotionally - and started feeling a little teeny bit proud of myself.

But, I wasn't sharing this load with anyone - not even my husband.
I only had SR to turn to, and I used it . I took the advice I got, I read what was suggested and got through day by day. Sometimes hour by hour.Read the threads on Addictive voice Therapy, (AVR), join an AA group if there is one close to you. Even join other sites on the web if it will help. Read some books - there's a whole list of suggested reading on this site.

You CAN do this. I promise you, I never ever thought I could, and I did. And so can you. ((()))
All you need is the desire to quit, and then taking action to actually do it, and quit.
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Old 05-13-2019, 09:04 AM   #17 (permalink)
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many people find a way to address all this by using the program laid out in AA.
there will be hundreds of AA meetings in London, no doubt.
there will also be secular meetings, such as SMART and maybe LifeRing.
i know you have said you are shy, and that it can be very tough to start going to a meeting (was one of the hardest things i have ever done), but it is necessary to make changes, and in order to do that i had to do some things i absolutely did not want to do, or thought impossible for me to do.
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Old 05-13-2019, 10:23 AM   #18 (permalink)
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many people find a way to address all this by using the program laid out in AA.
there will be hundreds of AA meetings in London, no doubt.
there will also be secular meetings, such as SMART and maybe LifeRing.
i know you have said you are shy, and that it can be very tough to start going to a meeting (was one of the hardest things i have ever done), but it is necessary to make changes, and in order to do that i had to do some things i absolutely did not want to do, or thought impossible for me to do.
Thank you and love your advices
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Old 05-13-2019, 10:24 AM   #19 (permalink)
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PaulS - my only, and I mean only tools are and were SR.

For the days running up to quit-day and the days after, I spent hours and hours just reading here on the site.

And I didn't drink. Everytime I had an urge to drink, I would log on here/ have a glass of water/ coffee/ take a walk through the garden/ brush my teeth ... anything, just to break that moment.

As the days went by the urges became further and further apart. I started seeing some really positive changes in myself - physically and emotionally - and started feeling a little teeny bit proud of myself.

But, I wasn't sharing this load with anyone - not even my husband.
I only had SR to turn to, and I used it . I took the advice I got, I read what was suggested and got through day by day. Sometimes hour by hour.Read the threads on Addictive voice Therapy, (AVR), join an AA group if there is one close to you. Even join other sites on the web if it will help. Read some books - there's a whole list of suggested reading on this site.

You CAN do this. I promise you, I never ever thought I could, and I did. And so can you. ((()))
All you need is the desire to quit, and then taking action to actually do it, and quit.
AVR would you please send me the link of this if you have any ?
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Old 05-13-2019, 10:53 AM   #20 (permalink)
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Here is a link with lots of info on programs of recovery and things that we did to recover:

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...at-we-did.html (Recovery Programs & What to Expect (What We Did))
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