itsmaria

Title says it all. What bothers me is no one seems to think it's a problem but me. Bc I can function. But I can't control it once I start. And it's hard not to start.

Will plan better next time. Like a better sobriety plan. Live and learn I guess. This forum helps me more than anything else, even though I don't use it much becuase a) people dont say it's no problem and b) I can be brutally honest about my struggles.

I hope everyone has a better night.

Dee74

Hi itsmaria

if it helps I think everyone here understands its a problem

None of my friends or family though it was a problem because they were either hard drinkers themselves or they didn't like change.

but...bottom line was I knew how much I was destroying my mind body and soul.

Why not use us more if there's not much support in your real life?

D

Ghostlight1

Hello I hope you do find support here.
I couldn't control drinking once I started, either. This went on for thirty five years.
I functioned. I was by all outward appearances normal. But in reality, I was a drunk who couldn't control his drinking.
The last ten I was survival drinking. Still managed to work. But had no meaningful relationships with anyone except other drunks.
Not sure where I'm going with this, but I just wanted you to know you're not alone.
People around me didn't want to believe I had a problem, because that would mean they had a problem they couldn't face.

I understand what you're going through. You are not alone.
Please stick around here if it helps. It's helped me a great deal. I've been sober now over ten years, and I was a bad drunk.
Anyway, best to you. Sorry this is so scattered, I can't think straight today for some reason.

itsmaria

Thanks, it helps, Ghostlight1, Dee74. I feel like I'm blaming others. I know it's up to me. I just feel like I;m not enough sometimes. I guess I don't feel like I'm enough sometimes.

Anyway thanks for posting and reading. Take gentle care.

AnvilheadII

you ARE enough.
you are MORE than enough.
worry not about what you think others think of you.
it just doesn't matter.
be you. do you. live you. f them.

Ghostlight1

I know exactly how you feel. I felt I wasn't enough for years. In fact, I thought very little of myself. So I guess I tried to destroy it with alcohol.
In the end I wasn't enough. I needed help to quit. I found that in AA I found it here.
Sometimes we need help and there's nothing wrong for asking for it. We deserve it. We've earned form the pain and suffering we've been through.
I understand you completely, I was like that, too.

Dee74

our Inner Addict will leap on that every chance it gets to rationalise a drink...and then the shame and guilt we feel after drinking feeds back into the I'm not enough feeling...

It's a self perpetuating cycle.

we can break it tho - when we choose to explore other avenues besides drinking

D

Anna

Maria, I felt like I wasn't enough either. It's an awful way to feel and I think my alcoholism thrived in that mind-set.

The thing is, you are enough. Who you are is enough. You don't have to prove anything to yourself or to anyone else.

kinzoku

I am very much in the same boat with no-one really caring if I'm sober or drunk because no-one can see its a problem.

It can be difficult because its yet another excuse your AV uses to allow you to drink.

But make no mistake, you know inside why you quit before, and why you need to be sober now.

Make it another day one right this instant.

And remember, SR is always here to show you the reality of things and give you support.

Happyvale

Hi Maria....if you think it's a problem - it's a problem. I would say- I think that is the most important and useful opinion finding solution. I woke up last Wednesday morning hungover in the same clothes of the night before. I had somehow made it to bed but I was fully dressed (although there have been mornings I have woke up not and it was worse - if you catch my drift). It was enough for me and I registered with this site (again). I thought I'm going to be sober today. I actually almost forgot on the drive home from work and was about to stop for a bottle of wine when I realized I had indeed said enough that morning - and I guess I was serious enough to register on SR so I best try to be sober this evening. And I did. I somehow managed to stay the next day too - and the next - and heck I just had a fantastic productive sober weekend. I guess all I'm saying is...start with today. It can lead to great things (or so I'm told ; )

TacoDude

Maria, I relate to what you're saying about others thinking your drinking wasn't a problem because it appeared you could function well. I too was like that - in fact, I had a friend who is a longtime recovered alcoholic tell me that he didn't think I was an alcoholic.

By explaining to him that I was simply unable to stop drinking once I started, that a drinking habit that started out with just drinking on weekends that gradually turned into an every night affair that left me feeling completely inhuman the next day, did he finally understand that I too, was an alcoholic.

The bottom line is what YOU think. If you are wondering if you have a problem, you most likely do, and this forum is an incredible resource for those of us in early sobriety. Please stick around...

thomas11

Your opinion about your drinking is the only one that matters. If you think its an issue, then do what you have to in order to deal with it.

itsmaria

Thanks for the support everyone. I really appreciate it. It's been a long day thinking about all this. I'm an isolated person, don't really have people in my life, and sometimes I just feel like it doesn't matter what I do. But I also don't want to live like this.

Anyway I am trying to learn from it and do better next time.

fini

yes, i wasn’t enough, either .
conversely, other times i was just too much.

which is why AA’s concept of being “rightsized” has been so very appealing

not really understanding your reasons for not using this forum more?

Happyvale

Gosh...I understand that. And yes fini is right. Lots of support and relatable company here.

I was exceedingly lonely a week or so ago which gave me plenty of excuse to just keep drinking. This place is helping me feel not so alone and insignificant.

Robert88

I used to feel like I was not enough. I think it gave me an excuse to keep drinking and doing drugs. I was pretty much trying to kill myself slowly. I always wondered, why did I have to wake up today? Then I was pissed of at the world because I was still here.

I have to really think about the end result when I am really craving. I ended up by myself with no friends. I didn't even have drug friends towards the end of it. My family didn't want me around because they were sick of seeing me kill myself. I had no hobbies. I had no possessions. I only worked to buy more and all I did was use. I was depressed and freaked out. I had to go to rehab to get better and now I am in a sober living. It is good that you are trying to get back on the right path. I just thought that I should share this.