In the clear for now but...
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Join Date: Mar 2018
Location: Battle Born
Posts: 24
In the clear for now but...
Hey all,
I just posted in Sweetichicks accountabilit thread, but I am thinking that it would be a bit insincere to do that without a proper introduction thread.
I've been lurking here for at least a year. That, of course, means that I have at least the suspicion that I may be an alcoholic. And if a self perceived potential alcoholic has the suspicion of being just that - well... I don't think I am going to get much dissuasion here.
Point is, I had my periods in a different place and a different job where I was clearly drifting towards (and that is a charitable way of describing it) being full blown dependent. I have no sordid episodes to tell about it and I don't think I have to. You all will understand. Miserable job, but paying well - coping by sedation, etc...
Changing my career and later on my place of residence (feels like a different country, but it's still the US ) helped much, very much.
What did not help was being out on my own again. You know how it is - new kid on the block, boredom, loneliness, trying to fit in etc. So now I started drinking again for those reasons. Not much; there is still too much here to keep my joy level up, but I am worried - or am starting to be worried.
So please accept me as one who may post here (hopefully) when the desire to get trashed rears its head. Or else for remorse. From what I have seen you people have a darn good way with words and are incredibly forgiving.
I just posted in Sweetichicks accountabilit thread, but I am thinking that it would be a bit insincere to do that without a proper introduction thread.
I've been lurking here for at least a year. That, of course, means that I have at least the suspicion that I may be an alcoholic. And if a self perceived potential alcoholic has the suspicion of being just that - well... I don't think I am going to get much dissuasion here.
Point is, I had my periods in a different place and a different job where I was clearly drifting towards (and that is a charitable way of describing it) being full blown dependent. I have no sordid episodes to tell about it and I don't think I have to. You all will understand. Miserable job, but paying well - coping by sedation, etc...
Changing my career and later on my place of residence (feels like a different country, but it's still the US ) helped much, very much.
What did not help was being out on my own again. You know how it is - new kid on the block, boredom, loneliness, trying to fit in etc. So now I started drinking again for those reasons. Not much; there is still too much here to keep my joy level up, but I am worried - or am starting to be worried.
So please accept me as one who may post here (hopefully) when the desire to get trashed rears its head. Or else for remorse. From what I have seen you people have a darn good way with words and are incredibly forgiving.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2018
Location: Cheshire. U.K
Posts: 8,003
Welcome Awol,
You've taken a big step in the right direction by joining us here. I'm just over 13 months sober, thanks to the support and help from all the lovely people on S.R.
Just take it one day at a time, post often especially when the A.V is calling you and maybe join the May 2019 class where you'll be with others at the same stage as you.
Take good care of yourself. xx
You've taken a big step in the right direction by joining us here. I'm just over 13 months sober, thanks to the support and help from all the lovely people on S.R.
Just take it one day at a time, post often especially when the A.V is calling you and maybe join the May 2019 class where you'll be with others at the same stage as you.
Take good care of yourself. xx
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
welcome, awol.
i do have a suggestion: don't wait to post until desire hits but connect routinely regardless of desire. posting when desire hits is something many do not do though they had promised themselves they would. it seems part of the nature of the beast.
i do have a suggestion: don't wait to post until desire hits but connect routinely regardless of desire. posting when desire hits is something many do not do though they had promised themselves they would. it seems part of the nature of the beast.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2019
Location: Gainesville, Fl
Posts: 435
Originally Posted by fini 
welcome, awol.
i do have a suggestion: don't wait to post until desire hits but connect routinely regardless of desire. posting when desire hits is something many do not do though they had promised themselves they would. it seems part of the nature of the beast.
i do have a suggestion: don't wait to post until desire hits but connect routinely regardless of desire. posting when desire hits is something many do not do though they had promised themselves they would. it seems part of the nature of the beast.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2018
Location: Battle Born
Posts: 24
Originally Posted by fini
welcome, awol.
i do have a suggestion: don't wait to post until desire hits but connect routinely regardless of desire. posting when desire hits is something many do not do though they had promised themselves they would. it seems part of the nature of the beast.
i do have a suggestion: don't wait to post until desire hits but connect routinely regardless of desire. posting when desire hits is something many do not do though they had promised themselves they would. it seems part of the nature of the beast.
Thanks for all the replies, very encouraging! Just the thought that there's a community aware of my situation already is a strong support all by itself.
Happy trails, everyone!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2018
Location: Battle Born
Posts: 24
So today was a test for me. I was off running this morning and it was a good one. On my way back home the desire for a bottle of white wine hit me hard. It's a perfect day for it - feeling good about myself, no obligation for the rest of the day, etc, etc.
It was interesting observing myself getting torn this way and that way, coming up with justifications and at the same time knowing that I was trying to convince myself to do something I clearly should not do - clearly not, it wasn't even 11AM!
So somehow I did manage to make a deal with myself. Post here and if I still felt like getting my wine afterwards just go and ignore any replies. At that instant I already knew that I wouldn't drink. It was just amazingly easy. By deciding I'd let some strangers know what I'd been up to the whole desire to drink immediately ceased to exist. Whew.
I want to make clear that I neither expect it to always be this simple nor that I want to put down the efforts of people that had or are having a harder time with the accountability. It worked for me, personally, this way. This time. I told myself to report in and that's what I am doing.
Thank you all for providing this tool for me. You can take credit for one less bottle drunk today!
It was interesting observing myself getting torn this way and that way, coming up with justifications and at the same time knowing that I was trying to convince myself to do something I clearly should not do - clearly not, it wasn't even 11AM!
So somehow I did manage to make a deal with myself. Post here and if I still felt like getting my wine afterwards just go and ignore any replies. At that instant I already knew that I wouldn't drink. It was just amazingly easy. By deciding I'd let some strangers know what I'd been up to the whole desire to drink immediately ceased to exist. Whew.
I want to make clear that I neither expect it to always be this simple nor that I want to put down the efforts of people that had or are having a harder time with the accountability. It worked for me, personally, this way. This time. I told myself to report in and that's what I am doing.
Thank you all for providing this tool for me. You can take credit for one less bottle drunk today!
Giving up is NOT an option.
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Western Wisconsin
Posts: 7,808
Good for you! I found that accountability was a huge motivator for me in early days. When I decided to get sober, I told a lot of people what I was doing. That way, I had the added incentive of not letting other people down, even though my main motivation did come from within. My accountability, first and foremost, was to myself. It was just a bit of added motivation when I needed it to know that I'd be disappointing other people if I drank.
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
How's it going Awol? Hope you are still with us and will give an update after this past month-ish. And, like folks will say- we get it and being honest about wherever you are right now is a huge thing.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Awol, well done on that inner argument and trying something different and avoiding that bottle.
So here's the deal - whenever you have those thoughts, come here and ask permission before you drink.
Secrecy is part of the problem. Honesty and transparency seems to be the key!
So here's the deal - whenever you have those thoughts, come here and ask permission before you drink.
Secrecy is part of the problem. Honesty and transparency seems to be the key!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2018
Location: Battle Born
Posts: 24
Thanks, Atlast9999 and MLD51 - I thought a little about what you wrote. I've been reading quite a bit here (although I don't post) and I have noticed that folks on this forum are not easily disappointed!
For me, it is more about having to face others' rational assessment of what I am planning to do or already did. There's people here (probably including you) who have put a thousand times more thought into this business of staying sober.
It wouldn't be all that easy to win a pro-drinking argument here!
For me, it is more about having to face others' rational assessment of what I am planning to do or already did. There's people here (probably including you) who have put a thousand times more thought into this business of staying sober.
It wouldn't be all that easy to win a pro-drinking argument here!
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Join Date: Mar 2018
Location: Battle Born
Posts: 24
Originally Posted by biminiblue
So here's the deal - whenever you have those thoughts, come here and ask permission before you drink.
Secrecy is part of the problem. Honesty and transparency seems to be the key!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2018
Location: Battle Born
Posts: 24
I had a slip, if you want to call it that. It doesn't feel like it, but it technically is.
It was my birthday recently. I personally don't attach any importance to that, unlike some of my friends that I still have in the place I moved from. I was there to visit and they 'surprised' me with a bottle of champagne. I didn't particularly feel like sharing but I didn't have the heart (and maybe were lacking the honesty) to tell them 'no thanks'. None of them know of my decision to quit drinking, so no blame goes to them.
I didn't feel any effects, didn't want more and was quite happy to go through the rest of the evening without having any more. During my long drive back home I had to think about how weird it is that I had absolutely no desire to get trashed in that scenario and yet sometimes when I am by myself with no alcohol immediately available the urge to drink becomes so powerful. I guess what you call the 'trigger' was missing when my friends were around.
Don't worry, I am not going to experiment with social drinking now, just because everything went well. As I said, I didn't get anything out of it - except for not being a party pooper. Still, I hope I won't get into that kind of situation too frequently. Who knows what would happen next time?
Just reporting in, and again - writing this down is helpful.
Once more, thanks for providing the site!
It was my birthday recently. I personally don't attach any importance to that, unlike some of my friends that I still have in the place I moved from. I was there to visit and they 'surprised' me with a bottle of champagne. I didn't particularly feel like sharing but I didn't have the heart (and maybe were lacking the honesty) to tell them 'no thanks'. None of them know of my decision to quit drinking, so no blame goes to them.
I didn't feel any effects, didn't want more and was quite happy to go through the rest of the evening without having any more. During my long drive back home I had to think about how weird it is that I had absolutely no desire to get trashed in that scenario and yet sometimes when I am by myself with no alcohol immediately available the urge to drink becomes so powerful. I guess what you call the 'trigger' was missing when my friends were around.
Don't worry, I am not going to experiment with social drinking now, just because everything went well. As I said, I didn't get anything out of it - except for not being a party pooper. Still, I hope I won't get into that kind of situation too frequently. Who knows what would happen next time?
Just reporting in, and again - writing this down is helpful.
Once more, thanks for providing the site!
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,431
Not wanting to disappoint my friends kept me drinking - you're right it's not the friends fault, but it was a rationalisation none the less.
These days I put my own welfare first. Saying no thanks is not really a big deal - only if you make it so.
D
These days I put my own welfare first. Saying no thanks is not really a big deal - only if you make it so.
D
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