Emotional Wreck
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Emotional Wreck
That's me. I get up every morning and put my fake face on just to get through the day. I'm constantly on the verge of tears I even swore at my skirt yesterday! I posted a snappy post the other day to a fellow SR member and feel terrible (I'm sorry Sweetichick) so now I don't trust myself on here. I have a very short fuse at the moment and that's not like me. When I gave up smoking I was so proud and wanted to shout it from the rooftops but with alcohol I can't get passed the shame and embarrassment I feel. I know I need to talk to someone and for me that someone is my sister. I had the perfect opportunity during the week but I didn't know how to start the conversation. She's a fixer so I know she'll just want to fix me but her heart's in the right place. Since day 1 I kept a journal. I got it out the other day at work for a quick read and then thought this is BS and shredded the whole thing. It's gone. I know some have probably been here and it's just part of the process I appreciate that it's just I can't stop the internal conflict and beating myself up, it's exhausting. I should be proud of myself but I'm not. My marriage is all but over. We're going to counselling on Monday. We've been before our marriage problems run much deeper than alcohol. The only problem is I suck at therapy. As soon as I walk in the room my mind goes blank and all I can remember is the last 24 hrs where as my husband is in his element. I end up kicking myself the whole way home and for me nothing is resolved. It was my husband's idea so I'll go otherwise I'm accused of not making an effort. Last night I was getting dinner ready and my son was doing his homework I took a sip of my drink, ginger ale, my son looked at my drink then looked at me and smiled. I smiled back. My heart broke and melted at the same time. Such a powerful moment with not a word spoken. I'm rambling, sorry this post is all over the place but so am I. I know I'm on the right track there's just a lot of debris on this track.
Day 33 with no desire to drink.
Day 33 with no desire to drink.
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Join Date: Oct 2018
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I’m sorry I don’t have much advice, but I understand. I’m day 39 and crying in my dark bedroom, been crying for an hour. My marriage is over as well. All we can do is get through this hell of emotions and hopefully to the other side. Stay strong, for your smiling son.
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Join Date: Dec 2018
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I hope you're both okay Bathbomb and mariposa.
My sister is the person who I confide in too. I was hesitant about doing so, and although I know our circumstances are different, for me it helped a great deal. I bottle things up but just being honest with someone about how bloody awful things can be sometimes is a big relief. Also, the moment with your son does sound very powerful and touching.
My sister is the person who I confide in too. I was hesitant about doing so, and although I know our circumstances are different, for me it helped a great deal. I bottle things up but just being honest with someone about how bloody awful things can be sometimes is a big relief. Also, the moment with your son does sound very powerful and touching.
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Bathbomb, when I was at 33 of sobriety, I was much like you are. I had so many negative feelings I could barely cope. I felt overwhelmed with shame and guilt and I was angry at myself. Believe me, you can get past this. It's so hard to have patience and hang in there, but things will get better.
Do something nice for yourself. Be kind to yourself. And, be proud of what you're accomplishing with your sobriety. The smile from your son should keep you focused and motivated.
Do something nice for yourself. Be kind to yourself. And, be proud of what you're accomplishing with your sobriety. The smile from your son should keep you focused and motivated.
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Originally Posted by mariposa 
I’m sorry I don’t have much advice, but I understand. I’m day 39 and crying in my dark bedroom, been crying for an hour. My marriage is over as well. All we can do is get through this hell of emotions and hopefully to the other side. Stay strong, for your smiling son.
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Originally Posted by least
A month sober is great, but still early in recovery. Your emotions will be up and down for a while. Stay sober and it will get better. 
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Originally Posted by GrayJ
I hope you're both okay Bathbomb and mariposa.
My sister is the person who I confide in too. I was hesitant about doing so, and although I know our circumstances are different, for me it helped a great deal. I bottle things up but just being honest with someone about how bloody awful things can be sometimes is a big relief. Also, the moment with your son does sound very powerful and touching.
My sister is the person who I confide in too. I was hesitant about doing so, and although I know our circumstances are different, for me it helped a great deal. I bottle things up but just being honest with someone about how bloody awful things can be sometimes is a big relief. Also, the moment with your son does sound very powerful and touching.
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Join Date: May 2019
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As rants go...that was a great one! I'm only on day 2 but I've travelled sober road before and know its not easy. This morning I had an all out conniption (a term my mother liked to use) at work. My superior...which is an elected seat...it a total moron who hinders the organization more than helps. I do his job and my own....and this morning I seriously wanted to kick the sh*t out of him. I was so angry it was hard to calm down. I thought....is this freaking withdrawal? This inability to temper my own emotion? I certainly have no wisdom but I admire how well you articulate what you're feeling. I hope that doesn't sound weird. At this stage, I guess I feel still emotionally constipated...I'm either sucking it up or ready to explode in a heartbeat.
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Originally Posted by Anna
Bathbomb, when I was at 33 of sobriety, I was much like you are. I had so many negative feelings I could barely cope. I felt overwhelmed with shame and guilt and I was angry at myself. Believe me, you can get past this. It's so hard to have patience and hang in there, but things will get better.
Do something nice for yourself. Be kind to yourself. And, be proud of what you're accomplishing with your sobriety. The smile from your son should keep you focused and motivated.
Do something nice for yourself. Be kind to yourself. And, be proud of what you're accomplishing with your sobriety. The smile from your son should keep you focused and motivated.
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Originally Posted by PhoenixJ
BB, sometimes talking to someone outside close fam/friends helps- meetings are ideal for this. Prayers and support to you.
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Originally Posted by kinzoku
What an absolutely beautiful moment with your son.
I can tell you as a child whose parents had both marital and drinking issues, you are doing the right thing by resolving both. Whatever the outcome.
Good for you.
I can tell you as a child whose parents had both marital and drinking issues, you are doing the right thing by resolving both. Whatever the outcome.
Good for you.
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Originally Posted by Happyvale
As rants go...that was a great one! I'm only on day 2 but I've travelled sober road before and know its not easy. This morning I had an all out conniption (a term my mother liked to use) at work. My superior...which is an elected seat...it a total moron who hinders the organization more than helps. I do his job and my own....and this morning I seriously wanted to kick the sh*t out of him. I was so angry it was hard to calm down. I thought....is this freaking withdrawal? This inability to temper my own emotion? I certainly have no wisdom but I admire how well you articulate what you're feeling. I hope that doesn't sound weird. At this stage, I guess I feel still emotionally constipated...I'm either sucking it up or ready to explode in a heartbeat.
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Join Date: Jul 2018
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BB - I was a wreck at 33 days too. My emotions were all over the place and I was so done with my marriage too. I’m currently almost a year sober, attend marriage counseling with my husband, and have a very different frame of mind these days. We both came to realize we are invested in our marriage and both of us are working on our issues: his drinking as well as all the underlying issues.
I’m like you with the counseling thing: it’s hard for me to talk, I forget things, I bottle up the problems, etc. luckily, we found a counselor that is really good and I trust him and I’ve been able to open up. This is the 4th counselor we have seen and the only one who has helped us.
My long rambling response is to say you are doing well, your emotions are part of the process. Hang in there.
I’m like you with the counseling thing: it’s hard for me to talk, I forget things, I bottle up the problems, etc. luckily, we found a counselor that is really good and I trust him and I’ve been able to open up. This is the 4th counselor we have seen and the only one who has helped us.
My long rambling response is to say you are doing well, your emotions are part of the process. Hang in there.
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A month sober is great, and it's completely normal and expected for your emotions to be all over the place. Mine were at about that time - I was happy and almost elated one minute, and then unbearably sad the next, it seemed. Lots of stuff going on in both your body and brain right now, and it will take some time for things to settle down.
It might take sometime to find the right counselor for you as well. And for you to feel comfortable and clear enough to articulate your feelings - or heck, to even know what they are. I had a dear friend ask me in early sobriety how I felt about something important and I honestly couldn't answer. I was so used to not feeling my feelings accurately that it took some time for me to be able to identify them.
It might take sometime to find the right counselor for you as well. And for you to feel comfortable and clear enough to articulate your feelings - or heck, to even know what they are. I had a dear friend ask me in early sobriety how I felt about something important and I honestly couldn't answer. I was so used to not feeling my feelings accurately that it took some time for me to be able to identify them.
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Originally Posted by Atlast9999
BB - I was a wreck at 33 days too. My emotions were all over the place and I was so done with my marriage too. I’m currently almost a year sober, attend marriage counseling with my husband, and have a very different frame of mind these days. We both came to realize we are invested in our marriage and both of us are working on our issues: his drinking as well as all the underlying issues.
I’m like you with the counseling thing: it’s hard for me to talk, I forget things, I bottle up the problems, etc. luckily, we found a counselor that is really good and I trust him and I’ve been able to open up. This is the 4th counselor we have seen and the only one who has helped us.
My long rambling response is to say you are doing well, your emotions are part of the process. Hang in there.
I’m like you with the counseling thing: it’s hard for me to talk, I forget things, I bottle up the problems, etc. luckily, we found a counselor that is really good and I trust him and I’ve been able to open up. This is the 4th counselor we have seen and the only one who has helped us.
My long rambling response is to say you are doing well, your emotions are part of the process. Hang in there.
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Join Date: Jul 2018
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Originally Posted by Bathbomb
I've neglected my morals and values and at 45 I've finally found my voice.
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Originally Posted by MLD51
A month sober is great, and it's completely normal and expected for your emotions to be all over the place. Mine were at about that time - I was happy and almost elated one minute, and then unbearably sad the next, it seemed. Lots of stuff going on in both your body and brain right now, and it will take some time for things to settle down.
It might take sometime to find the right counselor for you as well. And for you to feel comfortable and clear enough to articulate your feelings - or heck, to even know what they are. I had a dear friend ask me in early sobriety how I felt about something important and I honestly couldn't answer. I was so used to not feeling my feelings accurately that it took some time for me to be able to identify them.
It might take sometime to find the right counselor for you as well. And for you to feel comfortable and clear enough to articulate your feelings - or heck, to even know what they are. I had a dear friend ask me in early sobriety how I felt about something important and I honestly couldn't answer. I was so used to not feeling my feelings accurately that it took some time for me to be able to identify them.
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