I’m losing the initial spark of sobriety has worn off and I realize my life still sucks. Yes less drama, more money, less physical pains from hangovers. My job is extremely stressful. It’s not for me, and after getting a masters degree and tons of student loan debt to get into this field, here I am, But my family really sucks, my husband included. The last week has been very gloomy for me and I’m at day 38. I’m happy when I see it’s going to rain because that means it’s a good day to go home from work and put the covers over my head and block out the world. Seems a lot of newbies have hit a wall around this point. I told myself at least don’t drink till I hit my goal weight. That probably will never happen. I’m considering going on a hunger strike to protest how my life has turned out. Any advice? Sorry for whining but I don’t know what’s wrong with me.

Aw mariposa, I’m really sorry you’re feeling ******. As many will probably say, it’s after that “pink cloud” wears off that we’re faced with real life without alcohol to numb it.

Are you able to see a therapist? Even if you don’t believe in therapy it can be really helpful to just have an unbiased party to talk to about everything. They can also help you figure out your feelings and help you come up with healthy coping mechanisms and behaviors. (If you haven’t noticed I’m very into the power of talk therapy, haha). I would maybe start with that if it’s an option.

Otherwise, I also find it helpful to make a list or write down everything and try and make some kind of plan if you’re overwhelmed. What can you do today, if anything? Sometimes if you break it down or put it on paper it can get it out of your head.

Either way, life can be ******. As many have also said, we need to be able to build a new life sober that we want to live, not just continue as we were sans alcohol. Keep venting and stuff. It helps. I hope you feel better soon. Keep on keeping on. <3

Thank you all, I vented to my sober friend about my day, plus Monday was really tough with the family and husband. She said it’s understandable I feel like life sucks. My job is a very tough profession and many don’t last 5 years. I’ve been in it for 10. Today I had a “client” threatening to get me fired, I had to laugh.... go ahead, do me a favor. I’m looking into working at a university in admissions or advising. The covers call me often, turn up the AC and sleep. It’s all a hard reality to deal with sober, but it’s the only way it will get dealt with. I don’t think my family is aware that I’ve been through enough to allow abuse and drama anymore. My dad told me after I fired back at his abuse “you’ve done it girl, bit the hand that feeds you, no more help from me” SOB, if permitting abuse is the price I pay for financial help, I’ll starve, use the last of my retirement savings till I get on my feet before I speak to that evil sick abuser whose abused me as long as I can remember. It’s the classic, I’ll abuse u, tear u down, then that motivates you to do well and you just act like everything is fine. F*** that, no more, no way. Such a dysfunctional mess. Maybe I’m just meant for a hard life, a life of struggle and no reward or prosperity. I feel no matter how careful I plan, or optimistic I am.... it all goes wrong. Thank you all for listening, I’m back to my covers.

I’m back in bed listening to thunder after work. Wanted to go to the gym tonight, debating. Maybe I will just go back to sleep. Another awful day at work, hate my job. But it’s temporary and will end soon, then no money. And I’ll be back out looking for whatever. No stability here, I’m so depressed.

No, it’s not your fault. It’s a million other things, I try, it gets me nowhere. Oddly as I went to google something rapid eye desensitization???? Came up on my search as a suggestion. When I get money I may try that. I suffer from PTSD possibly from a lot of abuse, as a child, adolescent and adult. I can’t go on like this, but I know drinking is only abusing myself more. So I’m fighting through all these emotions.