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Old 05-08-2019, 06:03 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Accountability


Hi all,

I just wanted to set up my own accountability thread here as I am currently 'white-knuckling' the recovery process without a support network.

This is Day 2 for me. How many Day 2's there have been in the past, I have no idea.


Thanks all, I look forward to taking this journey with you!
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Old 05-08-2019, 11:18 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Welcome - an accountability thread is a great idea.
What can you do so that you are not white-knuckling all the time? I know day 2 is a rough time and white-knuckling may be necessary, but you don't want to do that forever. You need a recovery plan. For me it was outpatient treatment, AA, coming here a lot, and reading lots of non AA recovery books and materials. I Also started taking better care of myself overall. Pretty soon I wasn't hanging on for dear life anymore, I was learning to life a whole new kind of life. Way more pleasant than white-knuckling.

Any ideas along those lines you could try?
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Old 05-08-2019, 12:14 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Good job on Day 2!

I hope you can find an alternative to white-knuckling it. Your recovery will be so much better when you find something that can work for you and help you to find peace in your life.
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Old 05-08-2019, 01:27 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Congratulations on day 2 I set up a accountability thread here and am on day 18 so still early days but the accountability page has been such a good tool for me and the support i have received is amazing. Stick with it as it is worth it
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Old 05-08-2019, 01:33 PM   #5 (permalink)
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I was always 'white knuckling' in early attempts. Court ordered AA,after my dui, got me on track and gave me a solid foundation/look at what sobriety was/meant/ect.. Give it a shot. No need to go it alone. This site is great too,but for me...those first 3 months, the F2F was what *I* needed.
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Old 05-08-2019, 03:11 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Hi Resurgence
yeah support really helped me - early on, I got into the habit of using it every day here whether I felt I needed it or not.

white knuckling wears you down and when you're tired that when we can be most vulnerable.

Have you thought about checking out the May support thread as well?

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...art-one-9.html (Class of May 2019 Part One)
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Old 05-14-2019, 03:42 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Hi guys - Many thanks for your replies.

I went on a bender yesterday and feel awful today; physically and emotionally.

To be honest, though, I just feel like going out and doing it all again. It's complete madness
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Old 05-14-2019, 04:13 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Don't go out and do it again. It's not worth it. Go back to AA if it worked before. Sending love and support.
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Old 05-14-2019, 04:19 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Drinking again will make all kinds of really crazy ideas sound reasonable;

I'd drink, then drink again to try and get over feeling crappy, then drink again cos I didn't think I felt good enough to stay quit, and maybe this next bender would work out.

You can waste years like that.

Cut your losses resurgence. Come back into shore

D
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Old 05-14-2019, 05:54 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Resurgence View Post
I went on a bender yesterday and feel awful today; physically and emotionally.
It's your accountability thread. Next time, post before you drink.
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Old 05-14-2019, 10:17 AM   #11 (permalink)
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There is only one person I am accountable to for my choices and that's me.

Own the problem, own it 100%, then deal with it and you will succeed.
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Old 05-14-2019, 10:39 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Sorry you drank, i failed this weekend too stupidly drank, day one again for me but determined to make this the last day one, hope we can support each other.
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Old 05-15-2019, 02:12 AM   #13 (permalink)
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‘After thirty years I've become my fears
I've become the kind of man I always hated.’


The above lyric, from one of my favourite bands, James, haunted me throughout my twenties. Each time alcohol ravaged another friendship/relationship/project, the lyric provided poignant food for thought - I do not want to enter a new period of my life under alcohol’s control.

Having recently turned 30, I can confirm that I do indeed turn my negative feelings inward. Do I hate myself? I’m not sure, but what I do know is that after my recent binges, I became numb, angry, and ultimately ambivalent whether I lived or died.

-

Today is a bittersweet day. On one hand, I finally admitted to myself that I cannot complete my postgraduate course due to my addiction. On the other, I have fully committed to my recovery, which begins now. I have my first SMART meeting on Friday, and I’ve drawn up a rough plan for the next 6 weeks (I’m moving house at the end of June). Therefore, during the coming weeks (and beyond!), I will be fully focused on my recovery.

Until Friday, I am going to hang out here, read, and post.


Peace and love to all x

Last edited by Resurgence; 05-15-2019 at 02:15 AM. Reason: Typo
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Old 05-15-2019, 05:40 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Quiting may have been easier for me the second time , 20 years later, because the I had so much more mental and physical damage.

Plus the hangovers didn't go away until I drank again.

I still wake up feeling a bit hungover and thank God it isn't magnafied because of drinking.

Thanks.
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When I crave I think of the next day after effects:

high blood pressure, sleep issues, strength loss, immune system comprimise (sick).

BpSSS. My mantra.

Studied "alcohol kindling" and "alcohol PAWS."

Last intoxication: 8 May 15.
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Old 05-20-2019, 03:16 AM   #15 (permalink)
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Day 6 sober today (alcohol). Still considering going to the shop for a couple of beers to 'take the edge off' my anxiety.

I go to bed everything night with the same unwavering desire that tomorrow I'll get up early, go to the gym and go about my day in a healthy manner. I never, ever do it. Feeling down and a bit hopeless today :-/
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Old 05-20-2019, 03:38 AM   #16 (permalink)
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Baby steps, mate. Concentrate on not drinking and the rest will come in time. I say this knowing it's true because I'm exactly the same: every night I get my running gear out 'ready for the morning' -- and don't go. Every night I tell myself I'm not going to eat chocolate. One packet of Jaffa Cakes later...

But sod it. I didn't drink -- and that's the main thing.

p.s Good to meet a fellow James fan.
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Old 05-20-2019, 03:52 AM   #17 (permalink)
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Hey Resurgence, I'm in a vaguely similar place, early 30s, have anxiety issues, love the band James ha. All I'll say on my Day 26 is the anxiety is so much reduced now the booze has gone, it's really something. Hang in there and maybe just force yourself to do a bit of exercise: maybe a short run instead of the gym? If you did 'only' manage a couple of beers you know I'm sure the anxiety will be back later today, so then another 'couple of beers' would be required, etc. etc.
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Old 05-20-2019, 04:02 AM   #18 (permalink)
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@marksthespot & @tetrax

Thanks, guys, your comments allowed me to change my thinking while I ride out this urge.

Hope you two are doing well today!
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Old 05-20-2019, 05:06 AM   #19 (permalink)
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Day six is fantastic, but it's early days.

I just decided that I was done and nothing would make me waver. Of course I wanted to drink at six days, but I had quit that. Had to find other ways to settle down.

It gets a lot easier the more continuous sober time you have.

I'd never go back now.

Keep doing the next right thing. You'll make it, you're doing great. That post-grad work will be waiting for you to pick it back up. Stay on the beam.
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Old 05-20-2019, 05:15 PM   #20 (permalink)
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Still considering going to the shop for a couple of beers to 'take the edge off' my anxiety.
glad you changed your mind resurgence. Like I said to someone else today - the problem kicked in for me after the first drink not the last. No matter how good my intent, my relationship with alcohol was toxic and that first drink - sooner or later - started the madness again.

D
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