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Old 05-20-2019, 08:56 PM   #21 (permalink)
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Day 6 sober today (alcohol). Still considering going to the shop for a couple of beers to 'take the edge off' my anxiety.:-/
Congrats on 6 days. I used to think a couple of drinks would help with my anxiety too but it's actually what was causing my anxiety. It's a vicious circle. Everyone told me one day at a time, it does get easier and you know what they're right. Time is going to pass anyway so you might as well get the worst of it over and done with. Take care of yourself.
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Old 05-23-2019, 12:44 AM   #22 (permalink)
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Day 8.

Out of university/work at the moment and motivation is low.

I'm applying for jobs online but the brain fog/physical aches are making even the simplest tasks difficult.

I usually work-out quite a lot but at the moment, I'm just exhausted.

I'm going to try to read a bit of the novel I'm currently reading to give my tired brain a bit of stimulation.



Peace to all!
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Old 05-23-2019, 01:30 AM   #23 (permalink)
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Day 8 is still quite early. I hope you'll start to see some improvements soon.

D
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Old 05-26-2019, 04:00 AM   #24 (permalink)
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Day 11.

Sunday morning; grey, rainy.

Argued with partner earlier - emotions ricocheting all over the place.

Feel a bit numb now, which sparks my id/lizard brain/AV into life.

Currently reading here and deep breathing.

I know alcohol isn't the answer, but one beer promises so much. They're empty promises, I know, so why do I always entertain them?
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Old 05-26-2019, 04:07 AM   #25 (permalink)
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This accountablility thread is a great refrence for you to re-read when you think about drinking again. Do you really want to go back to Day 1 again?
Keep posting all your feelings so you can have a record of how well you are doing when times get tough!
You should be proud how far you have come!
P.S. That "one beer" is a liar!!!
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Old 05-26-2019, 05:55 AM   #26 (permalink)
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Day 11.

Sunday morning; grey, rainy.

Argued with partner earlier - emotions ricocheting all over the place.

Feel a bit numb now, which sparks my id/lizard brain/AV into life.

Currently reading here and deep breathing.

I know alcohol isn't the answer, but one beer promises so much. They're empty promises, I know, so why do I always entertain them?
I'd say, think past that first beer.

To the tenth beer.

To the passing out, the arguments, the dangerous or just embarrassing behavior. The 3AM jolt of fear and pounding heart. The anxiety, regret, toilet-hugging, gagging, headache, missing work etc etc etc.

It's a bad habit. It takes time to break and at eight days I was all over the place emotionally. Stick with it.

Getting outside always helps me.
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Old 05-26-2019, 08:07 AM   #27 (permalink)
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Congrats on day 11. The AV can have you doing mental gymnastics to come up with a reason to drink once you recognize the AV and it's different forms never listen to it.
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Old 05-26-2019, 04:00 PM   #28 (permalink)
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I spent years wishing I hadn't had that last drink - I was focusing in the wrong place.

Like Bim says it's the first beer that starts the madness not the last.
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Old 05-27-2019, 03:19 AM   #29 (permalink)
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Day 12.

Stayed in all of yesterday reading as my partner stormed out the house with our only key!

We both have a lot on our plates at the moment, and we talked it over this morning.

Yesterday was incredibly stressful, but ironically, it was the first day in a long time that I abstained from alcohol and weed

Now, this may seem relatively disconnected from sobriety/intoxication, but I decided to grow a beard as a visual reminder of my sobriety, as opposed to focusing too much on sober days (although I do count those as well).

Also, I am starting an exercise class tonight and I'm also going to chronicle my physical/mental changes over the coming weeks.

I want to fulfil my potential and become the man I've envisioned since I was a kid; I know he's in here somewhere!


Peace & Love to all!
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Old 05-27-2019, 03:48 PM   #30 (permalink)
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glad to hear you're moving forward resurgence

D
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Old 06-17-2019, 01:35 AM   #31 (permalink)
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Hi everyone


I reached a month dry. And then binged for two days alone in another city.

I was in that city to attend a job interview, but I went to a bar for one beer to ‘settle my nerves.’

I arrived home two days later with the police and other agencies trying to track me down.

Lost my passport, smartphone, wallet etc.

My partner and parents thought I was dead in a ditch.

Day 2 - staying at my mother’s for the time being. Will be glued to SR today, I think.


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Old 06-17-2019, 03:16 AM   #32 (permalink)
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I'm really sorry to hear that resurgence, but I'm glad you made it back.
Any thoughts on what you need to do to make a permanent change?

D
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Old 06-17-2019, 04:30 AM   #33 (permalink)
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Hi everyone


I reached a month dry. And then binged for two days alone in another city.

I was in that city to attend a job interview, but I went to a bar for one beer to ‘settle my nerves.’

I arrived home two days later with the police and other agencies trying to track me down.

Lost my passport, smartphone, wallet etc.

My partner and parents thought I was dead in a ditch.

Day 2 - staying at my mother’s for the time being. Will be glued to SR today, I think.


Resurgence
So you titled the thread accountability...here goes;

How many people have you told or are aware of the problem you're facing with alcohol and do they know the extent of problems this is causing you? I ask because having 1-2 people in your corner can help.

Take a look back at the past 30 days and have a serious look what you did to achieve those days? Modify it based on the positives and negatives and move forward in...24. HOUR. SEGMENTS. You need to do you. Whatever that means to get another 24hrs sober. It gets easier and your life is about to open up.

Accountability is huge in "recovery". You can call it whatever you want. I white knuckled this thing for the first 2 months, until I almost drank on day 60 because I had the F it mentality of "I can have a few and start over". This was a big turning point for me because I reached out to someone close (and here at SR) just before making a final decision. I just made a tiny little suggestion that maybe going into this next social situation wasn't going to be the best for me. That person understood. I made the changes that led to another 24hrs sober. The next day relief set in. This started my accountability wheel turning for future encounters of social pressure.

Bring yourself back to this thread and you can gain the first steps to accountability. I'll be here. If all else, re-read your last post to yourself and see how drinking played out. YOU. CAN. DO. THIS.

Your next 24hrs starts now....
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Old 06-17-2019, 05:00 AM   #34 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by Resurgence View Post
Hi everyone


I reached a month dry. And then binged for two days alone in another city.

I was in that city to attend a job interview, but I went to a bar for one beer to ‘settle my nerves.’

I arrived home two days later with the police and other agencies trying to track me down.

Lost my passport, smartphone, wallet etc.

My partner and parents thought I was dead in a ditch.

Day 2 - staying at my mother’s for the time being. Will be glued to SR today, I think.


Resurgence
accountability: an obligation or willingness to accept responsibility or to account for one's actions.
what does accountability for your recovery look like to you?
youre gonna have to DO accountability-more than just having a thread here. look into the recovery plans/prgrams available to help guide ya through recovery.
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Old 06-17-2019, 04:34 PM   #35 (permalink)
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How's it going dude?
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Old 06-18-2019, 04:09 AM   #36 (permalink)
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Dee; JimmyJ; Tom; Tetrax

Thank you all for your concern; I’ll try to answer you all in one go as I feel quite dizzy and hazy at the moment.

In the past month, my recovery plan looked something like this:


SR (reading, but admittedly shirking posting)

Joined a local SMART group

Practised daily meditation

Made copious job applications

Rearranged my apartment

Cut up bank cards

Gone to bed around 5pm to keep me from drinking

Dropped out of university

However, my desire to drink remained stronger than my want for a sober life, therefore the above techniques were redundant.

Currently, I’m in debt, the family’s gradually turning their backs on me, etc etc. You all know the drill.

Nevertheless, the police referred me to an alcohol treatment centre (it’s not rehab but it’s a good place to start, I think), with my first appointment taking place at the beginning of July. In the meantime, I’m staying with my Mum and keeping clean.

I appreciate you all being here.
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Old 06-18-2019, 04:13 AM   #37 (permalink)
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Also, I'd just like to say that I feel so low that I often feel I don't deserve help. I know it's faulty thinking, but I know there are people worse off than me.
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Old 06-18-2019, 04:27 AM   #38 (permalink)
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On day 2 I was so sick. Every withdrawal symptom imaginable. I two choices. Go get alcohol or take to my bed. I treated it as if I had flu. You wouldn't push yourself if you were ill. I decided to put the "it is self-inflicted therefore I should do stuff" aside and convince myself I had been floored by a violent flu or gastro issue.
It helped get me through it. I'm only on day 6 but that is what got through those first few horrific days
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Old 06-18-2019, 05:37 PM   #39 (permalink)
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I'm now getting outpatient treatment and it's helping me out in a big way already, alongside here, AA, CA and SMART. Get all the help you can from it.
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Old 06-18-2019, 07:39 PM   #40 (permalink)
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Also, I'd just like to say that I feel so low that I often feel I don't deserve help. I know it's faulty thinking, but I know there are people worse off than me.
Alcohol is a very powerful depressant. And not just when you are drunk but it will hijack your emotions during the withdrawal process as well and lead to sadness, self-hatred, low frustration tolerance (which makes us fight with lovers and family) and a general lack of motivation and lethargy.

Those are all textbook, classical symptoms of alcohol induced depression. That alcohol has got its hooks in us and it doesnt want to let us go. Thats why "Hell week" is Hell.

And i feel bad for you because the worst of it is the first 30 days so to go back to the poison after that is to subject yourself to another 30 days now of alcohol induced depression and psychosis.

I like to call it "alcohol induced psychosis" because of the CRAZY thoughts that run thru our mind in those first 30 days. i am on day 3 myself and that voice in my head was telling me i should end my own life. no exaggeration. Just check my post history, I was so down and suicidal and I dont even take meds.

Hang in there, friend. You are young and have such a positive life to look forward to. You can change your entire destiny and be a real winner in life if you put down the bottle permanently.
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