Day #1 and afraid
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2019
Posts: 1
Day #1 and afraid
Hi everyone
My name is Andrea. I've used alcohol to numb myself for as long as I can remember. From loneliness stress mostly etc. I've been with my Man for just over 2 yrs and he is finally done. I was given 4 weeks to move. I'm terrified as I'm alone and have little family support. I have a freind but she has a roomatw and bf etc
So tonight I'm off to AA I have to be done. I am done. I think
I hate myself for allowing this to ruin one of the best relationships I ever had. I'm heartbroken and afraid. Any works of encouragment would be greatly appreciated. I feel so alone dam it all
My name is Andrea. I've used alcohol to numb myself for as long as I can remember. From loneliness stress mostly etc. I've been with my Man for just over 2 yrs and he is finally done. I was given 4 weeks to move. I'm terrified as I'm alone and have little family support. I have a freind but she has a roomatw and bf etc
So tonight I'm off to AA I have to be done. I am done. I think
I hate myself for allowing this to ruin one of the best relationships I ever had. I'm heartbroken and afraid. Any works of encouragment would be greatly appreciated. I feel so alone dam it all 
Sobriety is Traditional
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Orcas Island, Washington
Posts: 9,055
Welcome to SoberRecovery! And I am really glad you are going to an AA meeting. It works if you work it!
Here's a couple good threads to join:
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...art-442-a.html (24 Hour Recovery Connections Part 442)
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ml#post7180106 (Class of May 2019 Part One)
Here's a couple good threads to join:
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...art-442-a.html (24 Hour Recovery Connections Part 442)
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ml#post7180106 (Class of May 2019 Part One)
Member
Join Date: Feb 2019
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 268
Hi Andrea, I can relate to your situation. I also ruined a relationship with my drinking. After steadily progressing over 6 years into full blown alcoholism, my ex finally had enough and kicked me to the curb (rightfully so). Unfortunately, alcoholics often lose the choice to pick between a partner or booze. Addiction is that powerful and I needed help to stop.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2019
Location: Las Vegas, NV
Posts: 578
Welcome Andrea,
Glad you found your way here to SR. It has been a HUGE help in keeping me from running to the liquor store anytime uncomfortable feelings come about.
I, too, have destroyed a many relationships due to my drinking. Best thing you can do for yourself is to not pick up a drink NO MATTER WHAT. It is not the solution, EVER. I'm 10 days sober and struggling in my relationship bc we are both sober and don't know how to interact in this new mind-state....again, uncomfortability. But I dare not drink. Alcohol is death for us both.
Continue with AA and stay connected with your peeps here on SR. 🙏 ❤
Glad you found your way here to SR. It has been a HUGE help in keeping me from running to the liquor store anytime uncomfortable feelings come about.
I, too, have destroyed a many relationships due to my drinking. Best thing you can do for yourself is to not pick up a drink NO MATTER WHAT. It is not the solution, EVER. I'm 10 days sober and struggling in my relationship bc we are both sober and don't know how to interact in this new mind-state....again, uncomfortability. But I dare not drink. Alcohol is death for us both.
Continue with AA and stay connected with your peeps here on SR. 🙏 ❤
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 2,872
Hello Andrea.
I'm glad you found us.
I can relate. I lost the love of my life to my drinking. In fact, I lost everything eventually.
I was homeless. Sleeping on friends couches. Still drank. Another great relationship. Another lose to alcohol. Still drank.
Ended up all alone with my booze. Sad. All to numb the pain of it all. That, and I was addicted mentally and physically. A very sad case.
I finally made the call to AA and they sent me an angel. I started attending meetings. I had many stops and starts but eventually I got sober. That was ten years ago.
You can do it, too. Showing a willingness to quit drinking may show your boyfriend you're serious. I hope anyway. I feel for you. I've been in your shoes.
It was pretty bleak. But there is hope.
You're here, where you'll find a lot of support.
You're not alone.
Please stick around, and best to you. And congratulations on day one.
I'm glad you found us.
I can relate. I lost the love of my life to my drinking. In fact, I lost everything eventually.
I was homeless. Sleeping on friends couches. Still drank. Another great relationship. Another lose to alcohol. Still drank.
Ended up all alone with my booze. Sad. All to numb the pain of it all. That, and I was addicted mentally and physically. A very sad case.
I finally made the call to AA and they sent me an angel. I started attending meetings. I had many stops and starts but eventually I got sober. That was ten years ago.
You can do it, too. Showing a willingness to quit drinking may show your boyfriend you're serious. I hope anyway. I feel for you. I've been in your shoes.
It was pretty bleak. But there is hope.
You're here, where you'll find a lot of support.
You're not alone.
Please stick around, and best to you. And congratulations on day one.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2019
Posts: 944
Welcome Andrea. I quit drinking in January and I don't regret one minute of sobriety. It's wonderful to not be held hostage by alcohol anymore.
In the beginning, I was on SR all day and sometimes at night. I had to take it one minute at a time. If I can get sober after 25 years of heavy and daily, the so can you!
Lean on us at SR!
In the beginning, I was on SR all day and sometimes at night. I had to take it one minute at a time. If I can get sober after 25 years of heavy and daily, the so can you!
Lean on us at SR!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Oakland
Posts: 561
I was complaining to my sponsor this morning about how ****** my life is. He said it was good for me to get how unmanageable my life is. That definitely takes care of step one. Yes, it sucks that we made messes but if it gets on the path to sobriety then at least something positive comes from it. Hang in there!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 1,642
Hi Andrea,
You can do this. Things have a way of improving dramatically with sobriety. Alcohol abuse alters your brain chemistry in complex ways and can turn you into an entirely different person while you're under the influence or recovering from it.
You can do this. Things have a way of improving dramatically with sobriety. Alcohol abuse alters your brain chemistry in complex ways and can turn you into an entirely different person while you're under the influence or recovering from it.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by Andreaisstrong 
So tonight I'm off to AA I have to be done. I am done. I think
I hate myself for allowing this to ruin one of the best relationships I ever had. I'm heartbroken and afraid. Any works of encouragment would be greatly appreciated. I feel so alone dam it all a fear that helped me get through the doors of my first AA meeting, read the bb to understand what the ptogram was, and to put in the footowork was fear of the known- what my life with alcohol still in it would be like.
best decision i ever made was my decision to work the steps. i no longer feel hopeless,helpless,useless,and worthless. i have hope, have a use, and can help. an awesome extra benefit- along with no longer having a problem with alcohol- is i love myself today.
i encourage you to get a copy of the big book and read the first 164 pages to understand what the program is. i also encourage you to attend as many meetings as you can. heres a promise from the BB:
We have shown how we got out from under. You say, "Yes, I'm willing. But am I to be consigned to a life where I shall be stupid, boring and glum, like some righteous people I see? I know I must get along without liquor, but how can I? Have you a sufficient substitute?"
Yes, there is a substitute and it is vastly more than that. It is a fellowship in Alcoholics Anonymous. There you will find release from care, boredom and worry. Your imagination will be fired. Life will mean something at last. The most satisfactory years of your existence lie ahead. Thus we find the fellowship, and so will you.
Giving up is NOT an option.
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Western Wisconsin
Posts: 7,805
Hi Andrea - how did your meeting go? I hope you realize how brave a step it is to walk through those doors and admit your life is unmanageable. I can clearly remember my first meeting a little over 4 and a half years ago. Finally, a solution was presented to me. People who understood. People who really cared. I found hope, where I had had none. I was in a very bad place. I had lost so much, but with time, and work, I am living a good life. You can, too.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
Hi Andrea! Welcome
Stay in the moment. Try to avoid comparing yourself (your insides/feelings to what you perceive other are feeling/their insides to the external view that you have of them...if that makes sense. Your friend, the one with the roommate and bf for example, you actually have no idea what she's feeling 'inside'....you might be surprised) to others.
Fear is normal. But think about it. Its a feeling. I kind of a useless one, in our modern society. Unless someone has a gun to your head or you are in some other life or death situation, fear of quitting drinking is not logical and that's probably your addiction doing the thinking. It's afraid....it doesn't want you to starve it of alcohol. Fear should be in continuing to drink, not quitting.
And being alone? You never have to be. We, AA and other support groups are always there. I have often seen those that suddenly find themselves single (different from being alone) are the most successful with quitting in the long run. Nothing to complicate things.
Focus on not drinking and life will improve over time. Be patient.
Stay in the moment. Try to avoid comparing yourself (your insides/feelings to what you perceive other are feeling/their insides to the external view that you have of them...if that makes sense. Your friend, the one with the roommate and bf for example, you actually have no idea what she's feeling 'inside'....you might be surprised) to others.
Fear is normal. But think about it. Its a feeling. I kind of a useless one, in our modern society. Unless someone has a gun to your head or you are in some other life or death situation, fear of quitting drinking is not logical and that's probably your addiction doing the thinking. It's afraid....it doesn't want you to starve it of alcohol. Fear should be in continuing to drink, not quitting.
And being alone? You never have to be. We, AA and other support groups are always there. I have often seen those that suddenly find themselves single (different from being alone) are the most successful with quitting in the long run. Nothing to complicate things.
Focus on not drinking and life will improve over time. Be patient.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 70
16 months ago I was exactly where you are now. All I wanted most in the world was an opportunity to make things better between my gf and I. An opportunity to get back together.
I kept drinking for another month after my break up to cope with that experience. I woke up hung over on May 2 last year and came to the realization that most of all my personal problems stem from alcohol use. I was on my 3rd failed relationship so I checked into Daytox classes, went to AA, and Smart recovery groups.
Being sober didn't feel right for me at first because I turned to booze in every situation in my life to the point where I didn't know how to go a weekend without drinking. It's been a year now and I'm still learning to live without booze. I've learned that the real me is the sober me and if I'm ever going to find happiness it'll have to be without getting drunk.
This small piece of advice is what stuck for me: How about go to some meetings, meet some new people, and just be sober for 28 days to focus on you and then see how you feel. And if you want to go back to drinking after that then that's up to you. Best wishes.
I kept drinking for another month after my break up to cope with that experience. I woke up hung over on May 2 last year and came to the realization that most of all my personal problems stem from alcohol use. I was on my 3rd failed relationship so I checked into Daytox classes, went to AA, and Smart recovery groups.
Being sober didn't feel right for me at first because I turned to booze in every situation in my life to the point where I didn't know how to go a weekend without drinking. It's been a year now and I'm still learning to live without booze. I've learned that the real me is the sober me and if I'm ever going to find happiness it'll have to be without getting drunk.
This small piece of advice is what stuck for me: How about go to some meetings, meet some new people, and just be sober for 28 days to focus on you and then see how you feel. And if you want to go back to drinking after that then that's up to you. Best wishes.
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