IWalkTheLine

Hi abgator, at least youve got ya mum, you ain't completely alone. plus you can be in a relationship/marriage and still feel lonely.

Dont think i'll be much help to you ive barely got a day yet and even then i had to take some to keep the heeby jeebies away for a bit.


Although it seems its alway easier to see where someone else is going wrong, i think weve all got all the answers its just putting them into practice, how long you been drinking?

abgator

Hey walk. No, I'm not truly alone. I've got my parents 30ish minutes outside of town, but they can't keep missing work every time I relapse. I feel bad for them though because they realize there's ultimately nothing they can do except offer support.

I'm 39 in a month and started drinking around 15. Though it never interfered with work until or turned into binges until my divorce 5 years ago. Then every year it progressed. The binging turned into days long benders.

Yep, we do have all the answers (for a lack of a better term). But even knowing what to do doesn't make it easy to do it.

wildflower70

Unfortunately, there will never be an easy way out. The only way to get out of this hell is to go thru it. However, it will get easier each and every day! I also had a terrible pill addiction, 15-20 Vicodin a day near the end. Like any other drug, it grabs you and holds you down, a prisoner in your own body. Break free of these chains that bind you, Grab ahold of your freedom and fight with everything you have......there's a much better life waiting for you on the other side of this addiction hell you're in now.

Bless you on the journey.

SoberCAH

I'm glad that both of you are here, Walk and gator.

I would strongly recommend your seeking professional help getting detoxed and then choosing and following a plan of recovery.

Trying to do it on my own was a vicious cycle of failures.

When I got help, I got and have stayed sober for a pretty good while now.

Keep us posted.

Happyvale

Hey IWalk...
Glad to see you're still ...walking it. I'm new here...well again. I hope to keep seeing you walk that line. I hope we both keep seeing one another I mean : )

IWalkTheLine

Thanks again everyone, im nearly two weeks clean, physical symptoms have nearly gone, achey legs still driving me crazy though.

Its the mental stuff now, thinking my past, my failures, family members that died before i go sober, as well as daily things that seem so much more right now.

Im hoping to keep going through to the other side, this is the closest ive been in a while.

Hey happy vale, ive been here a while but making a go of it this time, hope you can do the same

ImNotThatGuy

I think you have to admit this, as hard as it may be. If you're "letting them down" by giving in to your demons, they will be there for you if you want to quit.

Do anything it takes. It's worth it. Good luck.

Congratulations on almost two weeks!

IWalkTheLine

I had about 12 nights and i gave in, i went out and bought just enough to stop the pain for the day not enough for a proper high.

Not sure if anyones experienced this with opiates after the same sort of time but im wondering if i'll have to go through a full withdrawl again?
Im hoping not, im sure people at work were noticing how tired and achey and unhappy i was, i needed a break from the withdrawls.

I'll start fresh again cold turkey tomorrow, it was a movie that really set me of but i guess every straw on a camels back starts somewhere.

Just praying its not as tough from tomorrow, it is within reach.

biminiblue

I'm confused. You made it through the worst part of withdrawal and a movie set you off? That doesn't sound like withdrawal, that sounds like poor coping tools. "Unhappy" is not a physical withdrawal. "Achey" is par for the course, and goes away with continuous sober time.

Physical or psychological? They both need (different) things when it comes to not picking up.

At some point we all had to face that emotional and physical discomfort in order to break the chains.

I'm sorry you decided to use again.

What will be your plan when you are emotionally uncomfortable in the future? Because none of us get through life without memories, anger, frustrations, regret, fear, etc.

IWalkTheLine

The withdrawls came back again and the aching got no worse but the amount of time i had it drove me crazy. Movie just reminded me of what a mess ive made of things, how i will never have the chances i had, how much ive lost that cant be replaced, it started yesterday really the wobble.

Ive got no one to speak to, im trying to keep my job while im falling apart, how long can i say ive got a cold or something?

biminiblue

I couldn't heal while I was using. I don't think the withdrawals, "came back," - was it just that you didn't like discomfort? I'm guessing. I was super miserable in the first three months. It took many months of sober time, not 12 days - but every day is a successful accomplishment when I don't pick up. Nothing else mattered to me but going to bed sober, no matter how many tears I had to shed to do that.

You could come here and post, you could go to a meeting, you could call someone to sit with you. It does go away, but not if you don't stick to abstinence. The only way out is through.

The movie - you're going to have regrets in life - we all do. I can't tell you how many mistakes I've made, the money lost, the people I've hurt. You are not any different in that way.

What is your plan the next time you get emotional?

Meddles

doggonecarl

You mourn what you've lost and can't replace, then throw away what you had...twelve days clean.

Hope you get it back.

Happyvale

Hey IWalk... still here. This is your life - what do you want to do with it? Stay here. It can be a jungle out there --- but more often than not, there's always kind support here.

thomas11

Not sure if this helps, but music triggers me. You know how I deal with it? I don't listen to music anymore. Sounds like this movie set you off, don't watch those types of movies. Glad your back to going clean.

Dee74

I'm sorry you stumbled.

Its hard to get used to feeling uncomfortable - whether it be a movie that triggers it, or a FaceBook post or a dream, or whatever.

For decades I got drunk or high whenever I felt the slightest bit uncomfortable. Not doing that is tough - but it will get better.

We grow stronger everytime we face a trigger and respond positively not negatively.

The only way we change, and get to where we want to be, is by coming out the other end, clean and sober.

We're here to support and help you do that IWTL

D