Pressmetilihurt

I need someone else to take care of me. I'm not up to it. Self-pity. Im 38 days and still miserable. Not always. But I don't know.

Mummyto2

Dee74

Hi Press

I think we all have days like that...but the feeling will pass.

I found being an adult hard after 30 years of addiction but the more I was my own adult the more I liked it

D

nmd

Hey press, i have days where responsibilities weigh on me and i wish my kids were all grown and i was retired with nothing to worry about. I realize though that the choice to check out is a choice to miss life. With the stress and anxiety also comes joy and reward

Congrats on your 38days! It gets better

August252015

Hey Press - I get the feeling too! Especially early on. Adjusting to taking care of myself was tough after a long time throwing my hands up to see who else would do it, as my story went.

Keep going and sharing- not all of us agree on how to recovery or share every bit of each other's story but I think we can all empathize with how hard it is some days. Hugs.

tomsteve

reads like theres progress- not always miserable.
press, any chance ya have some impatience occurring? ya want what the program says will occur and ya want it NOW?

D122y

Press,

It took me a long long long time to not feel angst and sadness daily. Probably around a year.

There were moments though, starting on day 1, where I felt peace and comfort.

I used exercise as my new high then, and still do now.

I wake up these days feeling hungover from natural melatonin. I can't even fathom what a relapse would feel like.

It would be hell knowing I opened the door to the cycle of needing booze to feel normal.

I still think of this almost daily although it gotten easier obviously.

I look at myself as a born again nondrinker. I don't drink any more and I am damn proud of it.

You should be very proud. If a person can make it a week with no booze, they can make it a lifetime. Once the physical addiction loses its grip, it is all mental

38 days is amazing.

Thanks.

Anna

It's probably going to be a learning curve. It was for me. But, you can learn to be kind and caring to yourself.

MLD51

I felt the same way at times at about that time in my recovery. It all seemed like so much. I just took things one tiny thing at a time for a while. Kept it as simple as possible. Took care of only the basics. Sleep, eat, drink water, bathe, a little bit of exercise. I was going to outpatient treatment 3x per week - that seemed difficult to do sometimes, but I didn't miss a single session. But some days that's all I could do besides taking care of myself and my son. It got better and better. Hey - we all have days when life seems a bit overwhelming. Those are the times to do a bit of extra self-care and only take care of the essentials for a bit.

entropy1964

Oh my gosh I used to think the same thing. Wish I was a cloistered nun so I could just be protected from the world. I've always been able to take care of myself, for the most part, but I felt like I couldn't 'handle' people or life. And all the stuff people bring with them. Of course its really all about how I respond that stuff and those people, but for a long time I didn't understand that. Everything was happening 'to me' and I didn't understand how to change that calculus.

Abstinence is really hard at first because, on the one hand, I'm just not drinking. I mean, how hard is it? (very apparently) But on the other drinking was my single coping skill, my hobby, my sport, my friend. So taking that away left me naked so to speak. And feeling so vulnerable. But in reality, far less vulnerable than I was when drinking. Its all a big head trip at first. What things 'seem' may not be what they 'are'.

It takes time. Patience. Trust that not drinking, even if you feel like garbage and are scared, is far better than drinking....and feeling like garbage and being scared.

Hang in there. You're doing great!

DreamCatcher17

Took me 6 months to be "alright"
Took me about a year to fully LOVE me again
Now today, 1.6 months I love me, people love me and I am a cool ass person

Takes time.
Rome wasn't built in a day

Dee74

How are you feeling today Press?

D

kinzoku

Wanna talk about it?

Tailai

Nonsensical

A few days ago I was walking into my doctor's office. As I approached the glass door I could see an elderly woman approaching from the other side. She had a quad cane in one hand and some medical paperwork in the other. I could see she was looking at her hands trying to figure out how she was going to keep hold of her cane (on which she was leaning heavily) and her paperwork, but still push the door open.

I got to my side of the door one step before she did and pulled it open, stepping back to hold it for her so she could step through. She looked up with a small start. She hadn't seen me or expected the door to open in front of her. As she stepped through she smiled at me, gave a little tap on my lapel with the heel of her documents hand, and said, "God is always on time."

I don't think that happens in the monastery.

Best of Luck on Your Journey!

DriGuy

A monastery? Take a vow of poverty, then chastity, and give up everything joyful, except wine. They have plenty of wine. I don't recommend monasteries for alcoholics in recovery.

hpdw

I know what you mean , Iv'e said those exact words a few times when stuff got really hard to deal with . What I did was brought the Monastery to me by listening to Gregorian chants and watching Monastery you tube videos .
I don't know why but i'm attracted to those places . I visited Nunraw Abbey in the East of Scotland a few times over the years , special .

My name is based on a special Monk who became a Priest then St Padre Pio .

His motto was PHDW ( pray hope and don't worry ) .

I typed it wrong hpdw but he will understand .

nez

I too had thoughts along those same lines, but finally realized that wherever I went, I had come along as well. I had to change, not everything else.

dpac414

I know how you feel. Sometimes I just want to move to another state or country and start over, or go to rehab for three months even though I've had some good sober time, just so I could have someone make all my decisions for me. Except I'm always me no matter where I go, and while a change of scenery can be beneficial, you can't escape yourself.

This quote from The Bell Jar always resonated with me:

"...because wherever I sat—on the deck of a ship or at a street café in Paris or Bangkok—I would be sitting under the same glass bell jar, stewing in my own sour air."

Let some air in. You might be in the bell jar, but it doesn't have to be a prison. Keep hanging in there and posting for support.

mariposa