Meraviglioso

Hello friends, I completed rehab I guess it has been about a month ago. I did the 15 days- well actually 20, they wanted to keep me longer as they didn't see me well with the medication.
I then came home for 10 days and then returned for the final 16 days.
I made some incredible friends and actually had a lot of fun during our down time. I realised how much I miss being in social situations, I have isolated so much.

They sent me home with prescriptions for an incredible amount of medication. I take 10 pills a day. This includes 7 benzodiazepines. One I take 4 times a day, the other 3 times a day. This feels very heavy to me and my the end of the day I am not all there. There have been occasions where I call the kids to say goodnight and my son gets upset an causes me of drinking. At that point in the day I am slurring my words and confused after all the meds. I will be speaking to my local psychiatrist about this to get off all of the benzos as quickly as possible. In any case they are not working, I am stil anxious and stressed all the time, never relaxed.

About 10 days ago I was out in the yard playing with my children when a man on a motorbike stopped at my gate and rang my bell. I arrived and he said "are you Meraviglioso?" and I said "yes" and he said "this is for you" He handed me two copies of legal papers and left. I figured it was for the DUI but it was from my ex, he is seeking exclusive custody of our boys.

I immediately called my lawyer for an appointment and then began to read through it. There is some truth in there but a lot of lies and a lot of missing parts. I spent 4 days compiling a response, line by line and sent that to my lawyer. We met last Friday for 2.5 hours and only got to page 3 of the document... It is going to be a long road but I am ready to defend myself.

So I now have the DUI case coming up who knows when, this trial in July and I am dealing with my car situation. I got my license back, my hair test and the CDT blood test came back as "astemia" completely clean. But I don't have a car as they confiscated it.

I have no idea how I am going to afford all the lawyer fees, buying a car, etc. But for now I am getting by. The first thing I want to do is straighten out my medication, it is way too much. Next I'll deal with the lawyer and then third I'll deal with getting a car. For now I am used to going everywhere on a bike so it isn't so bad.

JScatt

Yay, you'er back! I don't post much but read everyday and you've always been an inspiration for me(I'll be sober 2 yrs in mid May)and reading your always inspirational and positive posts has really helped me. You may have slipped a few times but you always come back stronger than ever and you will beat this.
Yeah, seems like you are on way to many benzos than you should be,IMO. Anyway, glad you are back and heading your temporary obstacles with a clear and sober mind.

entropy1964

Hi Mera

Great job completing rehab.

I'm sorry for all the stress you have. I hope that drinking is off the table 100%....and with all those pills (7 benzo's? A day?) that could be very dangerous. Just speaking plainly, I cannot understand any 'rehab' prescribing highly addictive meds like that. I have been to rehab a few times and have never been on benzo's longer than the time it took to safely detox (3-5 days in my case). And most places won't even let someone leave until they are safely tapered off them as they are as dangerous as alcohol to detox from. Let alone with prescriptions. Yikes. So, obviously I'm just expressing my experience but yes, be your own health care advocate. Unless you have some very compelling reason to be on benzo's, find a different solution. I have GAD and sleep disorders. There are options.

I'm glad you are making your meds P1. The last thing you need is yet another addiction. And if you are taking a lot of benzos it will kill your cognitive performance and your memory (sound familiar?) so that will only fuel your husbands legal argument.

Hang in there. One step at a time.

january161992

hope this works out ok and God bless Meraviglioso

Dandelion12

Hi there,

I dont know your story but congrats to you on going through rehab and dealing with everything you currently have on your plate.
I was reluctant to say anything but really it needs to be said :

I CANNOT BELIEVE A REHAB SENT YOU HOME WITH ALL THOSE BENZOS.

Please see a doctor for a second opinion. That is absolutely crazy.

Blessings to you for a favorable outcome to your current situation

lessgravity

Lots on your plate Mera. I'm glad to hear from you. Only way to deal with all that is with your sobriety, which I'm sure you know. I have no experience with benzos so you'll have to rely on others for advice there. Stay strong and keep us updated.
​​​​​

2muchpain

I was in a rehab once a long time ago. They drugged a lot of people. Saw a guy being helped out the hospital when his time was up. He was carrying a big bag of drugs. Don't get it, but I'm no doctor. John

2muchpain

Anyway Mera, I'm glad your back. John

Anna

Mera, I've been thinking about you and hoping you would post an update.

I, too, am shocked at the amount of benzos the rehab center put you on. I can't imagine that you feel good with that amount of medication.

I'm sorry to hear about your custody issue. The main thing is to stay sober and try to move forward. Everything else will fall into place.

Dandelion12

As soon as theyre finished dealing with the opiate crisis, theyre going to go after the benzos.

I have terrible anxiety that has effected my life horribly, but no more benzos for me.

Dee74

I'm glad you're back and I wish you the very best with the legal issues Mera.

I share everyones concern about the prescription - if it was me, I'd be looking for an urgent second opinion.

Pressmetilihurt

I feel you on the anxiety. I get that from kid stuff too. You are doing the deal tho. One step, one line (of legal documents) at a time.

Delilah1

Hi Mera,

I’m so glad to see you back again. I’ve missed seeing your updates. I am sorry you have so much going on with custody and the DUI. I am glad you are working with a lawyer.

It definitely sounds like you need to work with your doctor to get the medication under control.

Sending so much love your way my friend.❤️

Canuck76

It doesn't take long to become addicted to Benzodiazepine medications. If used for alcohol withdrawal, doctors usually only prescribe for short-term use. When I did in-patient rehab, my roommate was there for valium addiction. He said it's worse than alcohol withdrawal as far as the mental aspect.

Don't trade one addiction for another!

Fearlessat50

So great to hear from you, Mera. Thanks for the update. I’ve thought about you. I am glad you recognize the meds are too much and are planning to address this with your dr

You will get through all of this sober- one day at a time!

MLD51

You certainly are dealing with a lot, Mera. I wish you the best on the custody and DUI issues.

I am also alarmed about the benzos. I guess that's just how they do it in Italy?? I am glad you are addressing that - I have heard Benzos described as "booze in pill form."

fini

good to hear from you, Mera, and so sorry about the plate full of challenges.
yes please, get to psychiatrist asap to address this amount of medications.
what other 'aftercare' tools did the rehab suggest or give you?

Meraviglioso

Thanks everyone for your support and for acknowledging that the amount of medication I have been prescribed is ridiculous. I want off the bentos NOW but will be sure to consult my local psychiatrist for instructions on how to do that. They said it was for my stress an anxiety which they thought was off the charts, but still, I can't live like this.

I had an incredibly difficult day. I went to see a life coach who does things like examine your personality based on your birth date and time and place... kind of weird.. but it made a lot of sense. I was there two hours and there was a lot of crying involved. She said my personality type is one that is "made to make mistakes to serve as a warning to others" That was hard to hear. She said the good news is that I am also made to make a comeback as an example for others.

I was riding home on my bike when I got a call from the school saying my younger son had "hurt his arm" and I needed to come pick him up. I was on my normal bike so I raced home to get my cargo bike which can carry my children. When I picked him up the teacher said it was bad and I should take him to see someone. So I called his father to tell him I was taking him to the local misericordia (like ambulance station). But he told me to wait, he was arriving with his father who is a doctor. They arrived within minutes and his father confirmed the arm was fractured and so they took him to the hospital.

I then took my older son to his appointment with his psychologist. It needed to be done and I was glad to be there for my older son but was heartbroken not to be there for my younger son. Fortunately the fracture was clean and they only had to re-set it and put on a cast, no operation.

My ex then came to pick up me ad my son at the psychologist and I got to see my little one with his cast. We then went to a toy store (ex's idea) to buy something for my younger son for being so brave. He bought him a €160 toy! No comment. We then got back in the car and my ex dropped me at my house and took the kids away.

I lost it, I was so upset to not be the one to clean off my little one's fingers, his shoulder... To help him into his pyjamas carefully, to hold him and help him go to sleep.

Just a ****** day really.

CaptainHaddock

Well, Mera, you got through it without drinking and tomorrow is a new day.

Having said that, I am sorry to hear about your son’s injury. I am sure you have a lot on your plate right now and I wish you the best. I know you are not about to drink, but staying sober will surely give you the best shot, also with regard to the custody issues.

I have had many a day when all I could say was “at least I’m still sober and that’s a biggie”.

Delilah1

I’m glad you got to see both boys today. I’m sorry your little guy was hurt. Staying sober and figuring out the medication will definitely help with custody.

Continuing to send lots of love your way.

❤️Delilah