Bathbomb

In my case it's my husband. After 20 years of marriage drinking was one of the few things we still had in common. His way of being supportive is to buy me 3 bottles of wine instead of 6. You know 'just in case'. I have no intention of drinking them, he will eventually. It's just disappointing that the one person who should be 100% supporting you isn't. Has anyone else experienced anything like this?

sweetichick

Only drinking buddies tried to sabotage me. Eventually I had to get rid of my friends. My exes were always supportive. You change without the alcohol,start noticing more. Sometimes a husband can’t cope with the new you.

Dee74

I think with people like that you need to be straight and firm. Sober means no bottles of wine at all.

It sounds like common sense but if your partners not an alcoholic he may not get it.

If you think he;s deliberately doing it cos he doesn't want to lose a drinking buddy or whatever, then it's even more important you sit down and talk.

D

Canuck76

Yes, myself. Out of all my various circles of friends from childhood, high school, university, and then co-workers etc. I was always the biggest drinker. No one sabotaged me, rather I was always the bad influence.

Bathbomb

I think you hit the nail on the head there Dee. He drinks every day and I do believe he has a drinking problem. He's in denial. He would rather take medication for all his ails (high blood pressure and gout) than cut down or cut out his drinking. We always talked about only drinking at weekends but it never happened. He's definitely annoyed coz his drinking buddy has been replaced by somebody in control OMG I just fully got it half way through that sentence. He's a control freak and when I'm drinking I'm not in control of anything but sober me is sensible, responsible and in control of myself. Kind of makes me even more determined. Thank you Dee

Doris47

Me too x

Bathbomb

I mean once you quit drinking. Sabotaged your sobriety.

DriGuy

I've never experience that, but I've read thatwhen one partner sobers up, the marriage sometimes fails, and I do understand the dynamic. You're partner lost his drinking partner.

MindfulMan

I lived with an alcoholic, or should I say an alcoholic that was "sicker" than myself. I was more of a binge drinker, but a serious binge drinker, and was able to stop for periods of time up to 7 months. I went through a withdrawal from alcohol and klonopin that was really severe, and didn't drink for that 7 month period. Todd, my housemate for over five years at that point, was a daily drinker, a handle of vodka or more. Not only did he lose his drinking buddy, he was going to lose his support system, as at that point he was paying rent erratically. Constantly offering me drinks, bringing people over to drink, etc. Rent finally ceased entirely and after about 8 months I finally told him to leave. He died a year later.

kinzoku

It seems to me you need to have a stern talk with your husband, maybe even with the help of a counsellor.

Its your life he is jeopardising.

thomas11

Yeah, me.

nez

I have been sober for 16 years and people still don't live up to my standards, but then at times I have trouble living up to my standards...how can I possibly expect anyone else to, if I can't do it either.

Holding people up to my standards, is my ego and self will attempting to sabotage my sobriety.

Bathbomb

Thank you all for your thoughts.
I guess I am just feeling a bit overwhelmed at the moment. I'm trying to keep everyone happy, keep the household running smoothly, raise my children to be good people and give my all at work. I naively thought my problems would all be solved by just not drinking. I blamed my drinking for everything going wrong. Maybe I was drinking because everything was going wrong.
Day 28 here I come.

GrayJ

I was with my best friend the other day and our favourite annual event is coming up - EUROVISION (I know it's not everyone's cup of tea) and usually it's a night we'd both get absolutely inebriated. He knows I haven't had a drink in 50 days now but he asked me if I would drink on the night of the final and I just gave a firm "No." He sighed and there was some obvious tension between us. His mum questioned it too. I just remember feeling annoyed that it was clearly an issue for him. I feel so much better not drinking - never having to have a hangover again is an incredible thought.

Bathbomb

50 days. Well done.
You're right it is annoying. Whether people 'get' alcoholism or not doesn't matter. This is the choice we've made all we ask is you support it. I can't help but compare it to pressuring a vegetarian to eat meat. You just don't.

WeThinkNot

I try to remind myself that normies are incapable of understanding our addiction. If I'm in a social setting and somebody asks me if I want a drink I'll be gracious and say "no thank you". If they start persisting I will politely say that I'm an alcoholic and I don't drink anymore.

If there is persistence after that I will get the crazy look in my eye and stare them down until they break eye contact with me first. It might be uncouth but I've never had any further problems with people the few times I've had to do that.

Bathbomb

With 3 kids I've mastered the crazy look. Good to know it's useful in this situation. Thanks

GrayJ

Thank you! It feels great. I couldn't agree more! I left his house much earlier than I usually would as he bought himself a bottle of gin and 2 bottles of wine and I was like "Nah! Bed and Netflix it is then." I can see it creating a wedge between us but I'm willing for that to happen so long as I'm doing what's best for me. I hope you and your husband come to a resolve

Bathbomb

Thank you so much.

Caprice6

Does his drinking bother you? We're all on our separate individual paths, time will tell.
You seem to put much more on your plate and are putting a lot of effort into your household, family, work and abstinence. Nothing will ever be perfect, but not drinking is definitely gonna help.