Catastrophic thinking about doing something illegal.
 

Hey guys,

So there is a topic which to be honest I haven't been able to find much information about.

In a nutshell, whenever I binge drinker (And this started happening when I'm older) I get huge anxiety for around the next one to two weeks (I know this is not a huge take, we all get them).

However, one of the fears that fuel my anxiety is that I might have done something that can get me legally in trouble - I want to state that this fear is completely unsupported. I have never been a violent person, I've never drive under the influence, or do something that can be potentially illegal. Nevertheless, I get this weird paranoia and movie of Cops coming and arresting and getting prosecuted for who knows what reason. I know this sounds crazy as hell, but it really affects me.

I was wondering if someone has experienced this same kind of paranoia, or am I just like seriously insane?

All best,

Hope

Yes. Not specifically illegal, although that definitely figured in the Venn Diagram of the Big Bad that I became convinced would occur if I kept drinking the way I was. I would wake up with the constant thought that sooner or later Something Bad was going to happen -- something that would cost me my job, friends, family, and yes, maybe even my liberty. That my luck would run out.

There are so many joys to not drinking but freedom from that fear is one of the main ones for me. Thank you for reminding me of that today.

I think anyone who's ever been prone to black out or memory loss has the fear that 'something horrible happened'.

There is a way to never have to feel that way again tho.... and you know what that way is, Hope :)

D

Whenever I binge drink, I blackout. And the next day I'm always paranoid about what I might have done. In terms of the police, I think it's one that you can ignore, if you had done something then they would come to you pretty quickly.
For me the worry is that I've send messages via my phone or called someone drunk. On Sunday I lost my phone and couldn't even check my call/message history. I've got business contacts in the phone....

So no, what you are feel is normal and you aren't crazy. We all know the solution, it's to not get into this situation. Easier said than done, but you have to keep trying and stay strong.

Moot point isn't it, Hope? You don't drink anymore, right? Problem solved.

Yes, I get paranoid after a bender. However, I have done plenty of reckless, illegal things while drunk. Nothing too serious. At least, not serious enough for police to care. Stupid drunk stuff. The paranoia is part of being an alcoholic.

For me that happens related to my OCD. Often the main - sometimes the only - component is the (irrational) obsession that something is wrong, leading to anxiety. Don't give in to rumination. Distract yourself and move on. Hey, that's just like what to do with alcohol cravings!

Well, I did not mention it on the original post, but yes. I'm diagnosed with OCD and anxiety disorders and medicated for both. Since I'm around 14 years old.

I think for all alcoholics it is only a matter of time before something terrible happens. There is a solution to that problem though and it's awesome.

Hope,

The booze alone altered my brain. Paranoia, agoraphobia, anxiety. Basically insanity. I didn't mix it with any rx drugs like you. I am sure this causes even worse symptoms that may take longer to recover from.

I am still a little paranoid, but nothing like before.

Now that I understand booze differently, I never need to drink again. The physical and mental addiction have withered and I can be the true, better version of myself.

Things that used to cause me obsessed thoughts for days on end dissolve instantly now.

Talk about freedom.

Yay.

Thanks.

You're not alone - my experience was that I DID do illegal stuff like shoplifting (I got quit adept at it, for a time) and be semi-blacked out whatever either while doing it (always at least drunk enough for my morals to be totally dismissed) or when the cops arrived a day or two later. Cuz you know, my brilliant self did something like stole a wallet from a lady at the grocery right by my house and turns out she knew me.

Other times I blacked out and woke up....not where or with whom I had a clue....

So not paranoid dreams, but nightmares - because yeah, I was afraid I'd "done [it] again." But I was sober, so thank God, it was just a dream.

I'm not sure how long you have been sober but these semi-reality based dreams about our drinking lives faded for me. A couple left permanent reminders of the insane life I had.

Keeping on the sober path is the only way my mind has settled. Now I dream about legit life situations - usually kinda funny because true facts are mingled up with stuff that ain't real. ;)

Thank you everyone for the fantastic replies.

Lots of good advice here already, but i'd echo that time will help with this. As addicts we have a "instant gratification" need in all areas of our life, so it's really hard to be patient - but in this case you kind of have to be.

From a practical standpoint, if you had done something illegal during a blackout - you'd likely know about it by now if that' helps at all. I did plenty of illegal and immoral things when I was drunk and believe me I found out about them quickly.

Yes, I know the rational way to think about it. It's been sadly 5 days since I binged and I haven't heard a thing. Honestly, I can't recall doing anything bad, but my mind works in a weird way.

I would feel that way from time-time after a few day binge,but I didn't really notice it until I started trying to 'cut back/stop drinking'. Looking back I see it as my subconcious telling me something,like; "hey,dumbf***k..stop doing this crap!" type thing. Haven't had that feeling in over 2yrs now.

I recently watched a documentary about OCD. A young lady had a totally irrational fear that she was killing people, she would constantly look behind her expecting to see dead bodies. She wasn't a drinker. It tormented her constantly.

As soon as I read the first few lines of your thread I thought that sounds like OCD.

Obviously alcohol withdrawal makes anxiety worse which in turn would also make your OCD worse.

I hope you find a way out of this horrible vicious cycle.

When I was 14 I was diagnosed with OCD (A very hard one too) and anxiety disorder. Since then I have been in medications.