Pistons54

I never thought of that

Anna

Okay, everyone, there's a fair bit of sniping going on in this thread.

Please use the Ignore Function if you don't want to read someone's posts, rather than be snippy on the boards.

Caprice6

Idk if that was meant for me, but I took credit anyway.

fini

Realest, if you are already convinced that everyone who says they don’t judge is lying, then why your question in the OP?
everyone i know admits to having a snipey judgy voice giving running commentary at times, and most of us work hard on either getting rid of it, not listening to it, replacing it.....
i take it you are finding yourself judging and wonder if your OP was posted because you want to know if it is “normal” or if you need to do something about it?
i don’t know; you haven’t said.
how about you share your experience about making judgments and what are your thoughts on changing that and if so, how you might go about it?

snitch

I am finding in sobriety that I am very judgemental. Judging newcomers though? Well at a year sober I still feel very much like a newcomer myself and I feel I can honestly say I haven't judged anyone. But maybe that's because alot of them haven't been back 😔 but as far as judging others, sure and I am working very hard to try and change that behaviour. To concentrate on myself only and not what others are doing. Practising patience, compassion and tolerance. Trying to help if I can. None of that is my natural behaviour but I am working on it!

snitch

THIS ⬆️⬆️⬆️ Thanks Dee this is one to save for my toolbox.

WhoDeyPI

I don't judge anyone. Everyone has to find their own way to commit to sobriety. Some people like AA, some people don't. Some people need sponsors, some people don't. I don't have experience with any of that. I just dropped the habit like a ton of bricks.

I guess if I did judge someone it would be the people that say..."I bought liquor just to have it around but I'm not going to drink it". To me, that is NOT committed to sobriety. That is committed to relapsing and making an excuse after.

tomsteve

there is righteous judgement.
in my opinion,theres a few instances in the bb that tells us whe have to make a judgement especially in working with others.

dcg

Using judgment and being judgmental are quite different, tho.

tomsteve

fully agree. i can also be judgemental. no saint at this keyboard.

kinzoku

I only judge people who aren't sincere, and that isn't limited to sobriety.

AAPJ

Realest I have mentioned before that I appreciate your activity here on the SR board. You bring up a lot of topics in very interesting ways and your activity in the 12 step subforum has really energized that area. All that said your sharp responses to some of the other folks here is a bit annoying.

Maybe I should judge you for that?
(Weak attempt at trying to inject a bit of humor here)

So getting to the topic at hand. I think there is some lack of clarity at least in my mind as to the definition of what one means when someone says "don't judge me." Instead of trying to define it I will add a few thoughts that help me lead a peaceful life.

When I meet folks at AA meetings I sometimes make internal mental guesses as to how they are doing. BUT and at least to me this is the most important part. 1) I sincerely wish for them success and happiness in life no matter how they achieve it; 2) I remind myself that what I think of others is usually pretty insignificant to them as I am just not that important. and 3) I try to spend as little time/mental activity thinking about others and focus as much as possible on improving myself since believe me that is more than a full time job. YMMV>

bunnezjp

I judge the ones who judge me for not attending AA, yet I'll be sober 5 years next Sunday and said "ones" seem to be in constant relapse...so, yeah, guilty

~Bunnez

DriGuy

Impossible. No one in AA judges anyone else. It never happens. OK, but seriously, congratulations on 5 years. You've done a great job, and yes, this is my judgement OF YOU. So sue me!

MindfulMan

I don't. Their opinions mean less than nothing to me. I'm in charge of my own sobriety.

FWIW people like that are not the majority in AA, although everyone feels that their recovery method is best and the others aren't "really" sober. My sobriety is more like yours bunnezip, and I'm 2 years in less than a week, but to each their own. Some AVRT people are really hostile to AA as well.

I only like one sobriety method, it's called whatever works for you.

LOL.

Same here. Keep on keepin' on!

WaterOx

I don't know about "judge" but if you mean "doubt" then my honest answer is yes.

After all, I had plenty of doubts about myself. Why should anyone be better than me?? LOL!

mariposa

Tetrax

Loose judgements could contribute to putting people on the actual path to relapse. Not everyone has to walk the same route to get to the desired destination.

noaddedsugar

I don't think judgement from others necessarily puts people on the path to relapse. A relapse can't be blamed on things outside of us - in the end it's a decision. I could blame all sorts of external things and use them as an excuse to drink but in the end it would be my choice.

Anyway in answer to the original question I think judgement is basic human nature. I try my best not to pass judgement though and be the best person I can be. When I see a morbidly obese person in the gym struggling with their workout.. some people would snigger and judge however I would think how amazing that they are trying to make a positive change. Same with getting sober.. I try not to judge anyone if they are struggling as I remember how low I was and how much lower I could've sunk.. however I do sometimes find it hard not to judge when the addiction has caused selfish behaviour and suffering to others.

Santi27

Hi everybody,

I hope that you are all having a good start of week. Those of you in the UK certainly will be- enjoy the holiday.

Nothing much to report here. I had a nice Sunday, went to a museum that I'd never visited before. I had a bit of a sad moment when I saw people enjoying wine. At the moment (and I felt this during my last two attempts) it feels like a loss. The same way as when a friend moves away and you aren't sure when you will see him again (if ever). I'm hoping this will pass in a few months' time.

I hope you all have a good Monday and stay safe and sober!