ThatWasTheOldMe

Today is 4 days.
I'm just a worthless alcoholic. Even if I stay sober forever. It's all I'll ever be.

I can go to AA. I can work steps. I can go to my therapist. I can post here. None of that will ever be enough. So what's the point anyway?

Anna

It will be enough if you decide it will be enough. We all deserve a good life. Sometimes that takes hard work, but you can do it.

SoberLeigh

Alcoholism can rob of us of self-esteem, self-worth, self-respect, healthy relationships, a good work ethic, healthy marriages and the list goes on and on.

Sobriety and recovery provide with us the opportunity to turn that around and to make our lives better - one day at a time, one tiny step at a time, one healthy choice after the next, one good decision after the next.

Please don’t deprive yourself of the chance to make this happen. Don’t deprive yourself of the goodness that could well await you.

Stick with it. Stick with us.

MLD51

No one is worthless, TWTOM. You seem to be in a very dark place, and I get it. I was there, too. Even after I quit drinking, there was a period of time when all the wreckage I had left in my wake seemed too much. I really thought I didn't deserve anything good, and felt like no one wanted me around. I had hurt a lot of people, some deeply. But that really wasn't true at all. Over time I was able to see that people did care about me, that if I kept my side of the street clean for a good chunk of time they would forgive me.

As far as always being an alcoholic, yes, that's true. But that does not have to define you. And it's not something to be ashamed of. Good, deserving people become addicts. It happens. It's what you DO about it that matters. Some people never recover, it's true. But if you can get past the point where you feel undeserving, and start doing the work, you will recover. Life will get better. It really will. Please figure out what will help you get to recovery - be it AA, therapy, whatever.

CupofJoe

I'm sorry you're struggling. Give it time. What you're feeling now might pass. I felt pretty hopeless, too.

I've seen some people turn their lives around in remarkable ways. People who have fallen pretty far down. As long as you're living, there's hope for a better life.

Like another poster said, alcohol can rob us of many things. You're just starting to recover. Give it time.

I found it beneficial to find ways to be useful or helpful to other people.

I'm glad you're doing something to get better. Please give it time and don't give up hope.

djlook

Yes, you can go to AA; yes, you can go to a therapist; yes, you can post here,; yes, you can continue to feel hopeless. There is a solution. Go to a meeting, get you a sponsor who will take you through the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, as millions of others have done, and you have as good a shot as the next one of being healed of your disease. Self-pity and thoughts of being unique will keep you in your disease. There is a way out. The steps take away the guilt, remorse, and shame that every alcoholic has.

doggonecarl

So you're fine with being worthless, it's being sober that you can't stand?

You are four days sober, a remarkable achievement for an alcoholic. But don't let how you feel on day four decide your path for coming days ahead.

ThatWasTheOldMe

It's losing money trying to day trade to help my dad and myself that I hate.

doggonecarl

I had to look up what Day Trading was. Sounds like gambling. Maybe you should quit day trading AND drinking.

ThatWasTheOldMe

I'm done drinking, but I don't have much of a choice to day trade. I need to do it for my dad.

It's not gambling in the common sense of the word. You can give yourself a statistical edge.

CRRHCC

https://faithit.com/what-god-would-s...ct-brie-gowen/

ScottFromWI

You have a lot of choice in what you do for a profession actually. I'm right in the middle of losing my job as I know it but finding a different one, and i'm just one in a long line of people doing the same thing. Sure it's not how I would have wanted things to go, but I still have a lot of say in where i will end up. If you are financially supporting your father ( which is a very commendable thing by the way ) then certainly having a job is important - but it could be doing anything. If you have the skill needed to day trade I'm sure there are plenty of jobs in the financial sector you would be eligble for.

But just like getting sober, your career is 100% your choice.

nez

If that were true, then I too would be worthless, because I am an alcoholic. I certainly don't believe it and you don't have to either.

entropy1964

You aren't worthless. Stay sober.

As far as day trading: For sure, one needs to have a strong constitution, excellent knowledge of the market segment you are trading in and good connections within that segment. I used to trade with an investment group (just a bunch of us that worked together in tech) and it was lucrative. But it is not for most people. Losses can be huge if you aren't extremely dialed in. I wouldn't even go there at this time in my life. And there is no way I would have done this an active alcoholic or with only 4 days sober. I can't even see my way out of a paper bag at that point. I invite you to consider holding on day trading. Wait for a market adjustment, there will be one. Wait until you are in a stronger place. Talk with an investment professional. In this market if you are losing, you aren't thinking clearly. Just my opinion.

Hang in there.

August252015

I'm really glad you are sharing - I totally get exactly how you feel. Like Frick said, I couldn't see my hand in front of my face let alone out of a paper bag 4 days in - but 4 days (and however many hours or minutes!) is awesome, and what you need to do now.

It sounds insane, really, to think that your life can - WILL - be completely different sober. Lots of y'all have heard me share about my near death self, plus someone drowning in the worst of emotions, worthlessness, everything...getting a fast food job....having a totally different life than I could have imagined in every way....and the thing I ALWAYS say is that it is better because it is clearer.

So many of us get what you are feeling. The ONLY way thru this to whatever is on the other side is to stay sober. Whatever it takes - today.

The rest really can be sorted out. If only by reframing it as "I'll decide about more day trading tomorrow. I'm just going to stay sober this afternoon." And so on.

You can do this.

Mac4711

Oldme,
Frickaflip is absolutely right, you need to stop now. Day trading is a losing proposition these days because of the rise of HFT. Unless you’ve got a colo server at the NYSE, which will probably set you back half a million dollars a month, what kind of edge do you think you have? At Trading Academy or some of these other shill clubs they will tell you that it is easy, but it’s not. If you go down this thorny path, expect a steep learning curve and sustained loses for at least the first two year until you have ironed out the kinks in your process and your systems. And you better start with $250k+ in trading capital, of which you can except to lose half or more initially.
Sorry, but there are no shortcuts here. The traders that I know that are profitable work at IBs or have at least 10 years under their belt.
Stay sober and figure out a viable alternative; you sound like an enterprising guy, I’m sure you’ll find some other way!

ThatWasTheOldMe

Nope. He's financially supporting me while I try to start financially supporting him.
Not commendable. Nothing "good person" about it as far as I go.

ThatWasTheOldMe

I'm sorry, but there is just no alternative. Either I make it work or I give him what's left and go away.

Dee74

No nee não niet nein nahi non...just no.

No one here is worthless, least of all you TWTOM.

You have a problem - we all do - but that doesn't make us worthless.

Your addiction wants you to think you're worthless because that puts us one step closer to a drink again -why not drink if we're worthless and all we're every going to be is alcoholic.....

I'm so much more than just another alcoholic - son brother husband musician writer, free thinker, kind heart, old soul, compassionate lover of humanity...whatever.

I'm sure you are far more than just an alcoholic too.

To only focus on that one part of all of that would be a mistake.

We're lucky - our horrible problem can be entirely managed with a little gumption persistence and commitment.

Hate the condition of addiction, not the afflicted

D

August252015

There is always an alternative, good or bad.

But the weight of viewing it like it seems right now can be crushing. I remember.

I'm going back to very basics today bc of some people around me who have crashed (metaphorically, or in one case as in, dead) in the last 12 hours.

Basics on day 4 was just finishing the day sober. One action in addition to that at a time.